Tuesday, June 30, 2009


ralph: my real job title is unemployed. or mediocre boyfriend.
ralph: flaneur.
ralph: niteowl: google flaneur.
ralph: leave me alone.
Niteowl: i know i called you NYer and all, but no need to break out the french
Faux Real: it is like a spanish crem brule, right?
ralph: my most fauxrealish RL friend uses it to describe why he spends all his time hanging out in coffee bars
Niteowl: HAH
Niteowl: just call him a hipster and be done with it
Faux Real: you know who else walked around in cities a lot?
Faux Real: thats right
Niteowl: are you quoting Camus?
Niteowl: Albert Camus, of existential fame?
Niteowl: becuase.
Niteowl: HOLY SHIT
Niteowl: i just got a Faux Ralph reference
Niteowl: without the intertrontubes
ralph: Sartre said that a man walking next to a cliff is afraid not because he will fall, but because he will jump: he is drawn to the unequivocal act
ralph: read that in xkcd
Faux Real: he also said hell is other people
Niteowl: he's batting 500
Faux Real: not a happy dude
Niteowl: to think clearly about things is not to be happy
Niteowl: and Poe said the Imp of the Perverse will compel you to jump
Niteowl: and Brad, the Jr. CGA from accounts receivable with the thinly researched Maori Tatoo and Honda CRV with "Offroad Package", says you'll jump because it's XTreeeme
bigjimslade: No Exit is by far one of my favorite plays, which should say something about me
Faux Real: i like the flies
Faux Real: it is very funny
Niteowl: the fact that you HAVE a favourite play says already too much about you, bigjimslade
bigjimslade: heh
bigjimslade: misspent portion of my career in theater
Niteowl: i quite liked Rosentcrantz and Guildenstern are dead
ralph: french speaking wine sipping faux-populist havanese-stroking canadian baboon
Faux Real: at least it isn't glass menagerie
Faux Real: (although TOS is the best)
bigjimslade: I like the play, but I've seen it produced by far too many half-assed companies that it kinda got spoiled for me
Niteowl: HEY HEY HEY you blue-collar-striving board-sitting afternoon-champagn- sipping Philosophy 10- Philosopher-quoting lawyer-self-hating hockey-playing disco-pyromaniacal sycophant! EASY with the slander!
ralph: the bad movie of rosencran.... has one brilliant scene
ralph: tim roth sees one of these things made of string and wood and coconuts http://delivery.gettyimages.com/xd/653-61.mov?c=NewsMaker&d=9B6C5E9A385F67CC96957F4222AC7872&k=2&v=1
ralph: pulls one ball back, lets it go...
ralph: ...and it stops dead when it hits the next ball, cracks and sand spills out
ralph: the other balls don't move
bigjimslade: there's another movie version?
bigjimslade: worth mentioning?
ralph: sorry
ralph: the poorly-executed, beautifully cast movie version
Niteowl: for those of us not in Theatre, it's the only one we've seen
***Niteowl clears throat
***Niteowl points at mullet
Faux Real: i think my mom filmed my version
bigjimslade: yeah I loved Dreyfuss in it, but didn't enjoy the movie
Faux Real: you mean the hangover?

Forgiveness is for the weak.

cheesoning : had a hermit crab in third grade, but he died from complications of biting me

Veterinary Medicine

cheesoning: mostly border collie, some terrier
cheesoning: I call him shitler when the wife is not home
Niteowl: i do love mutts
Niteowl: they are, on average, healthier and smarter than pure breeds
chundo: yeah i'm gettin' a mutt next time
chundo: fricking purebreds and their bone and joint problems
Niteowl: yeah, things like that
chundo: did i mention that pumpkin needs a $3200 surgery?
Niteowl: HOLY shit.
chundo: yeah, the jury's still out on how much we like her
cheesoning: that's evil, chundo
chundo: she tore her ACL
chundo: or whatever they call that ligament in dogs
Niteowl: no more football ?
chundo: so, painful arthritis within 2 years, or $3200 less for me.
cheesoning: chundo, cheaper to go tripod, maybe?
cheesoning: EQUALLY EVIL

Spam Controversy

Katya: what was the spam controversy
spruce: hey Katya
Katya: hi
spruce: I dunno. From what I could parse via twitter, someone new posted a link to some game, gemmy suspected it was spam and deleted it, and then it turned out to be legit.
Niteowl: RUH ROH!! it read like PR, though
Niteowl: from somenoe we don't really know
spruce: well hopefully gemmy ain't losing sleep over it
cheesoning: yeah, I told her to give the guy my e-mail address and we could sort it out offline.
cheesoning: by which I mean I'd tell him to fuck off unless he wanted to re-join nicely.
Niteowl: cheesoning: always the diplomat
chundo: so what did i miss now?
chundo: forum drama?
cheesoning: nah, Gemmy squashed it, then dude gave her some shit
cheesoning: it was a self-link, right? Looked like spam, she axed it, he recoiled, she's feeling guilty.
chundo: is he in chicago? i've got a 2x4 and a railroad spike
cheesoning: I've got a size 12 ready to extend...
cheesoning: SHOE

Breed Identification

Niteowl: nova scotia duck oller
Niteowl: ?
spruce: the judges don't accept that, niteowl
spruce: sorry
chundo: my dog?
chundo: yes
chundo: Niteowl: you're the first person i've met that heard of that breed
chundo: we barely see any down here... i thought maybe canadian-breed-identification was a requirement when you get a driving license or something
cheesoning: yeah, that would make sense.
cheesoning: 90% of the driving test
cheesoning: I'll bet my Wisconsin relatives know some dog breeds
Niteowl: chundo: it is, along with trapping and being smug about gun control

Monday, June 29, 2009


Katya: trying to take screenshots
Katya: not sure if it works
ralph: how big is demo?
Katya: 2.5 gig
ralph: awesome it fits
Katya: your computer may not be able to run it well i dunno
ralph: have to delete, uh, not much
Niteowl: GET
Niteowl: A
ralph: can I run tf2 off a hard drive?
Niteowl: having these DO I HAVE ENOUGHT SPACE TO RUN IT discussions with ralph makes me feel like i should hit the Turbo button on my 486DX


ralph: when I'm low I like to put on a headband and pretend I'm Mario van Peebles being a badass neon-clad rockstar while off duty in the movie Heartbreak Ridge
cheesoning: that remind you of how good you have it?
ralph: quiet man, I'm ROCKING OUT
cheesoning: as in "I'm so glad I'm not really like this"?
cheesoning: I'm Clint Eastwood.
ralph: I'm the major, Annapolis class of 76.
ralph: Supply, sir.
ralph: thanks a lot for the 40 year old doctor exam thing.
Faux Real: hippie?
Faux Real: you been freeze dried or doing hard time, ain't no hippie been around here for years!
ralph: goddamnit
ralph: cheese, faux, jim, have soulful conversation about depression, ambition, college, dropping out--fuckin BEEN THERE man but I was away.
ralph: you're all my nillas.
cheesoning: word
cheesoning: get through all the rough stuff, finally feel a little settled and THEN a doctor checks your prostate.
cheesoning: balls
ralph: and only once! /niteowl
***Faux Real pounds chest twice, unclenches cheeks

Hoppy Frog!

Katya: hey chees
cheesoning: yo!
Faux Real: you have missed almost no ball talk
Faux Real: and a bit of jeff buckley
cheesoning: balls
cheesoning: I have a funny ball story
cheesoning: got an EKG at the behest of my wife the nurse
cheesoning: everything was fine with my heart and such
Katya: but your balls are terrrrible
liquidindian: You're going to feel really bad if they are, Katya.
cheesoning: doc asked if we were doing a regular checkup while I was there, too, so I said fine
cheesoning: he made her leave, then started to discuss what to look for in that general region
cheesoning: (I'm totally fine, katya - no worries)
Faux Real: man i am so good at testicular self exams
Katya: no i meant style wise
cheesoning: but he's like "if that happens, check above the left ball"
cheesoning: is "ball" a technical term?
cheesoning: I asked my wife afterward and she didn't think so
bigjimslade: he just has a good bedside manner
liquidindian: It's "spods".
cheesoning: he's an awesome doctor, yeah
cheesoning: he also said "well, you're not 40 yet, so we don't have to take the next step in our relationship." (referring to a prostate exam)
bigjimslade: heheheh
bigjimslade: also, damnit. I need to schedule my physical, and now I *am* 40
cheesoning: ha, no hoppy frog at the doctor's office.


Katya: awwww niteowl
Katya: "my birthday is on yellow"

Niteowl: i thought the same thing, i'm worried she's becoming an absurdist


Cyrano: you guys are slipping.
Cyrano: and now I have to go back to work.
Cyrano: lame.
bigjimslade: sorry cyrano
bigjimslade: I'll mention the ballcock of my toilet next time
bigjimslade: it's broken, my wife keeps having to jiggle it
Cyrano: 'sokay. I found some good porn while you were talking about non-dick-jokeable shit.
Niteowl: where?!?!
Cyrano: the internet!
Cyrano: it's hard to find, but it's there if you look.
bigjimslade: Canadian customs does not allow it to cross, however
bigjimslade: sorry!
Niteowl: you wouldn't believe what we get when we google for 'hot, sweaty, beavers'
Cyrano: Polite, Canadian smut?
Niteowl: no, you disgusting perv, beaver aerobic videos
Cyrano: "Give it to my baby!" "If it's not too much trouble!"
Cyrano: oh. "me" baby.
Cyrano: kinda changes the whole joke, that typo.
Niteowl: er
Niteowl: how else do you ask for a vaccination from a wayward country doctor?
Niteowl: and the way you intended, just sounds like a pirate asking a wayward country doctor to please vaccinate his baby
Niteowl: GIve to me baby!! ARR!! IF IT ain't be being too much trouble!!!!
spruce: I see that once Cyrano enters the room that the discourse degenerates down to the level of beaver aerobics

Group Editing

ralph: (supposed to be reading draft software EULA critically)
liquidindian: Critically?
liquidindian: Just send it back with PISH scrawled on it.
liquidindian: That's quite critical.
Niteowl: or "Really?"
Niteowl: or "Language needs tightening up"
liquidindian: Haha. That's a good one.
Niteowl: or circle a bunch of things randomly and write "Clarification, please."
liquidindian: tl;dr
Niteowl: at the end, yeah
spruce: arrows with angry red question marks
spruce: <-----????
ralph: yes minister--someone wrote on a memo "round objects"
ralph: and the oxbridge civil servant wrote back "who is Round and to what does he object?"
ralph: the EULA leaves many important questions unanswered.
ralph: need further review.
ralph: some provisions are a bit aggressive and we can expect pushback.
bigjimslade: perhaps a second look at the semantics is warranted
spruce: Or break out the black sharpie and redact 90% of the text

Controversy Conflict Crucifix!

bigjimslade: and by the way, Niteowl, I also voted for kicking
Katya: honestly i didn't think we should kick
bigjimslade: so come on down off that cross
bigjimslade: ok, no big then. Those nails have got to hurt though
Niteowl: they do!
ralph: somebody started a topical conversation on arena watchtower so I started trying to bring up metafilter "instant fight" topics
spruce: he was a spaz
ralph: hence the comments about my sis in law
spruce: your overweight cyclist sister-in-law who wanted to circumcise your evangelical Republican nephew?
Niteowl: nicely done there spruce, you really have learned the whole Confrontation thing from the Americans, time to come back home.
spruce: I just know what sets people off on MetaFilter
spruce: I forgot Isreal/Palestine though
bigjimslade: what, couldn't work abortion into that?
bigjimslade: nub
ralph: yes, my sis in law who just had an induced labor with epidurals in a water birth while driving an SUV loaded with fixies

Faux's New Name

ralph: I was quoting a british tv show called "yes prime minister" which is one of the sharpest things I've ever seen
ralph: faux, by contrast, was busy being himself
ralph: erudite flankhole

Thursday, June 25, 2009

This Product Not Yet Rated.

betaray: TF2 with novint falcon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOVu3CLbmpY
betaray: I didn't realize it was force feedback
Niteowl: betaray starts digging around for his 'japanese import' games.
betaray: although, that seems like a really crappy feature in a twitch game


bigjimslade: yeah in retrospect that's one advantage to going to an all-male high school
Niteowl: the number of NKOTB tribute bands you can get together?
bigjimslade: no, none of the high school girls swooning over those fucks
Niteowl: it really should be left to the provence of boys, swooning of NKOTB

Posters Are Forever

ralph: 1952 Tulane county fair, Tennesse.
ralph: Young ralph throws a dart into a poster of farrah fawcett, thereby winning a new copy of it
ralph: everybody goes "ooooooo" at the risque choice
ralph: so ralph, abashed, chooses the poster of the couple walking hand in hand on the beach at sunset
ralph: I was seven
ralph: and I still hate that fucking sunset poster
Niteowl: really shouldn't have laminated it
Niteowl: it's never going to wear out, y'know

Spruce Doesn't Quite Get The Rockstar Lifestyle

spruce: Our motherfucking A/C died last night. It made for an uncomfortable night's sleep.
Faux Real: that shit ain't american
Faux Real: this is the land of AC
spruce: I know and it's supposed to get up to 107 today
Faux Real: god bless texas
spruce: and neither my wife nor I can get out early to meet the AC repairperson, so he's coming late and may not have the parts on hand to get shit done.
Faux Real: no one else will
itchy: get a hotel room for a night
itchy: with a pool
bigjimslade: and a hooker
itchy: i probably don't need to tell bigjimslade that he beat me to that by half a second
spruce: not a bad idea, itchy!
Faux Real: itchy is the best marriage councilor ever
spruce: the hooker can look after our cats

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Lifelong Learning

Faux Real: the girls dorms at my college had triple bunks
Faux Real: the top bunk was for storage
Faux Real: and hiding boyfriends from RAs
cpa-one: Were you not allowed to have boys around in college?
Faux Real: no this was post op
Faux Real: all the boys i wanted
cpa-one: I mean, I was in college way back in the early 90s and we had girls and boys ON THE SAME FLOOR!
cheesoning: me too
cheesoning: open dorm doors
cheesoning: and, IIRC, $1.40 for cigarettes in the vending machine in the dorm lobby
Faux Real: yeah, there is a dorm at iowa that has open showers
Faux Real: and is unisex
cpa-one: SWEET
cheesoning: you know, maybe I do need a graduate degree.


bigjimslade: I never peed in the sink, even as a bachelor, except one time at a gas station rest room where I swear something was living behind the toilet
cheesoning: I never did, either
cheesoning: my favorite bar had too few toilets, too, and the sink would be full
cheesoning: always grossed me out
Faux Real: jim i will now add "except one time at a gas station rest room where I swear..." to all your statements
betaray: I once dated a girl who lived far away in a girls only dorm
betaray: I stayed in her dorm room a few times, and until it was OK to have boys in the room I'd have to camp out
betaray: that involved a pee in the sink or two
cheesoning: wait - you were camping and you found a sink to pee in?
betaray: yes, exactly

Dead to rights.

spruce: I have a moleskine sketchbook and a zebra mini pen
spruce: whenever I go out
betaray: ahh the hipster loadout
spruce: bah
spruce: I only got the moleskine because it was a good book. Screw the cachet
betaray: which is of course what a hipster would say :)

Law can be funny too

biehn: yes on cap gains but Trusts and Estates in Louisiana is playing on the hardest setting with half the screen taped over and an Atari 2600 joystick replacing the keyboard

It gets confusing after this...

cheesoning: hm. resisting urge to ask you to have your mom call me...
Faux Real: because that is played out? or because you couldn't handle her?
cheesoning: because I realize this inheritance could change the dynamic of our relationship
cheesoning: (you kept that ball in bounds, for the record.)
Faux Real: my mother has a long memory
cheesoning: yes she does
Faux Real: (all balls don't bounce)
bigjimslade: and cheese's mother has long mammaries
cheesoning: (seriously, you have to stop it now. I apologize for starting.)
cheesoning: dude, she's in Jazzercise.
Faux Real: (you forget that i have taken college classes in being a straight man)
Niteowl: well, you'd have to
Faux Real: (so few straight men in college theater)
Niteowl: and it's not like you are adding to that already paltry population
cheesoning: (that looked like a punchline to me)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

A Born Programmer

Katya: all due to the update from yesterday
bigjimslade: heh this is assuming that the patches went through a complete QA process
Niteowl: QA are dicks
Niteowl: "this doesn't work'
bigjimslade: yeah
Niteowl: "this crashes unexpectantly"
bigjimslade: it's true
bigjimslade: I love having found my niche
Niteowl: 'this caused a hive full of bees to spontaneously generate inside my oral cavity and sting me to near death'
Niteowl: FUCK they want the world, y'know?
liquidindian: Bugfix: Moved bees to anal cavity.
Niteowl: you think like a developer, liquidindian

Part of the Deal

Faux Real: i made my own frternal order in college
Faux Real: we talked about how we were based on the early greek fragments
Katya: of the travelling pants?
spruce: The Sacred Antediluvian Order of the Voyaging Pantaloons
Niteowl: where do i sign up, spruce?
spruce: You 'sign up' when you awake naked in a windowless room and dig yourself out with a silver trowel, only to be robed, anointed and given a baby goat to slaughter with your bare hands.
Niteowl: spruce: ok, we've gone to Creepy Town
spruce: Creepy is part of the deal. Sheesh.


spruce: I think you have to believe in a 'higher power' to join the Masons, fyi, which may or may not work for you.
Niteowl: I believe, ardently and with every fibre of this ever decomposing corporeal form, this waste-dead basket of organic materials that houses a being of light and sin, this pulsing and erotic tangle of the profane and lyrical, that there is only one higher being, only One, and shall his Noodly Appendage forever be upon you.
Faux Real: now thats a credo

Slippery Slope

itchy: it was cool at the time
itchy: dude magnet AT stop lights, is what i meant to say ...
itchy: i got an appreciation of what women go through when men give the creepy stare
itchy: of course, then i'd look over and they'd get whiplash when the realized their mistake
itchy: made me feel pretty
itchy: i liked the attention
itchy: and that's when i started going out in drag

Monday, June 22, 2009

Opaque Fashion Tips

Faux Real: port man too
ralph: Ours but to flip n fry
Faux Real: charge that light brigade to my tab
ralph: Gonna prop the rifle up against the weather corner of the old barn, under the gutter downspout, and every mornin' I'm gonna come out and watch rust close over the bore.
Faux Real: hells yes
Faux Real: my dad still quotes that
Faux Real: that was one of about 20 cry moments
niteowl: you just said something that his DAD quotes, ralph
Faux Real: the biggest was that he had kept the baton
niteowl: christ, i think i need abotu 4 years of liberal arts to even begin to understand wtf you guys are going on aboot
ralph: Caldwell, weary, complaining about murderous waste--and carrying out his orders. EVERY TIME
Faux Real: just one book
ralph: that we've told you to read twice today, and dozens of times before
ralph: "Once an Eagle," by Anton Myrer
Faux Real: seeing the triumphal arch and realizing WHERE HE WAS
ralph: it's in my top three things I like about Faux
ralph: along with monster trucks and a tweed jacket
Faux Real: the tweed is my granddads
Faux Real: the camel hair is my uncle's
ralph: prob a mite malodorous in June?
Faux Real: the elbow patches came from bessie by way of my sister
Faux Real: oh man, this time of year i have one suit
Faux Real: microfiber and about 20 grams total
Faux Real: i swear if i could have a vent cut across the shoulder blades and still be seen in public i would do it
Faux Real: i got this guide book to being a gentlemen
Faux Real: and it said " a gentleman always wears an undershirt and never wears short sleeve dress shirts"
Faux Real: and i said down hear a guy would drown in an undershirt
niteowl: i have a guide too, it says "if you wore it in highschool, why not now!?'
ralph: Yep. Cary grant made it okay to not wear one.
ralph: But if you can get yer hands on some ammonium alum, you make it a lot easier on those around you