Monday, August 31, 2009

Obscure, Nerdy Humour

[OldF] Niteowl: cpa, let us knwo when yer ready
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: a'ite
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: altering some database atm
Elhamtx: is that more fun?
[OldF] Niteowl: Drop them all and let the DBA sort that shit out
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: more necessary to my job...
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: and I am the DBA
Elhamtx: hahaha
[OldF] Niteowl: then drop all the tables and let the developers sort it out?
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: i'm also the developer!!!
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: actually, tho, I'm not the dev for this project; but he asked me for help, and since I outrank him, I feel obligated.
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: Seems kinda backwards
[OldF] Niteowl: yes, that is
[OldF] Niteowl: just write some really fucking obscure regex, pipe it to a dead box running a 3 year old crontab, and tell him
[OldF] Niteowl: 'well, it's all pretty self explanatory from there'
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: haha
[OldF] Niteowl: and then end it with a cryptic hint about 'using sed and awk to really make it zing'
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: $dba =~ /^on\svacation!$/
[OldF] Niteowl: HAH
Elhamtx: HUH?
Elhamtx: not HAH
Elhamtx: HUH?
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: i need to work on my BOFH
[OldF] Niteowl: totally
Elhamtx: is that like a BFF
Elhamtx: b/c i have one of those
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: It's very close!
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: t-square!!!!
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: shite - just realized i'm going to have to watch this til it finishes. it's halfway there.
Elhamtx: don't make me calculate how many bricks it would take to veneer your exterior!
[OldF] Niteowl: that's some pretty disturbing code you got gonig on there elham

Friday, August 28, 2009


betaray: it's a firmware that doesn't suck for wireless routers
Niteowl: thanks betaray
Niteowl: i also support any linux based firmware where the main dev's alias is BrainSlayer
Niteowl: how do i , uh, install it?
chrisd: don't you have a distro installing hammer? DUH
spruce: firmware clamps
spruce: router forceps
Katya: off to get snow leopard
Katya: and get some lunch
spruce: dining on snow leopard. She lives a decadent life
chrisd: that's terrible, titter, you should be ashamed
bigjimslade: I hope it's a baby snow leaopard. They are by far the tastiest
bigjimslade: and I didn't know she had a Mac
Niteowl: a big mac baby snow leopard? now yer in flavour country

WTF Guiness

Katya: what the fuck guinness.
Katya: "Further establishing the Guinness World Records as an excellent marketing tool, Guinness has bestowed upon Batman: Arkham Asylum the record of the ‘Most Critically Acclaimed Superhero Game Ever'."
spruce: what the hell?
spruce: It's #15 on MetaCritic's 360 list
spruce: for all-time scores
spruce: #11 for PS3
Katya: most acclaimed SUPERHERO game
spruce: oh missed that bit
spruce: well who gives a shit?
Katya: most acclaimed superhero game with batman that uses a next gen system
spruce: I'm sure, but 'superhero' is barely a genre when it comes to video games.
spruce: The protagonist from BioShock could be a superhero
Katya: licensed superhero
Niteowl: licensed superhero who previously was in a rebooted movie which was part of a multi-million dollar franchies and has had McDonald's Tie-ins
cheesoning: I'm the most prolific cookie eater in my cubicle row. I'm calling guiness.
cheesoning: in fairness, it's easy to shine - I'm surrounded by posers. Sure, they say they like cookies, but when it comes time to do battle, they stop at 2 or 3.
Katya: i've slept a lot than anyone else living in my apartment
spruce: I think I'm going to defer to Ripley's Believe It or Not from now on, regarding all my obscure record-checking needs.
cheesoning: not.
cheesoning: (I don't believe it.)
spruce: the you're a fool, sir, a blinkered fool who has had the wool pulled over his eyes by some Irish drunkards.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Itchy is tired.

Cyrano: Just got an email that we've had a confirmed case of swine flu at work. EVERYBODY PANIC!!1
Cyrano: so much for my Safe If I Don't Go Outside plan.
gordonfrohman: drop the pig you're kissing and wash your balls off
Katya: but then i'd fall
Katya: burrned myself
itchy: what
Katya: if he dropped the pig i'd fall
gordonfrohman: because you're sitting on the pig? I don't follow.
itchy: why are you on a pig?
itchy: are you also fucking the pig?
itchy: koo koo ka choo
bigjimslade: hm I wish I had known
bigjimslade: I could have killed you and had tasty bacon
itchy: hooker bacon is much tastier
itchy: just ask cyrano
itchy: it's much leaner than leading brands
itchy: coder bacon is too fatty imo
itchy: that settles it, i'm officially fucking sleep deprived ... i don't even know what i'm yammering on about


bigjimslade: I'm going to read the Free Republic threads about Kennedy
bigjimslade: ugh
bigjimslade: I will persevere though
spruce: why would you subject yourself to that, jim?
spruce: are you powered by rage and despair?
itchy: i'm powered by rage and eclairs
itchy: boston creme donuts really
itchy: sorry spruce, didn't mean to make you think about donuts
* itchy cackles
itchy: crap, now i want a donut
itchy: and a beer to wash it down
itchy: and a pillow

Monday, August 24, 2009

Literature, Scars

gordonfrohman: was that the one about the house on Long Island?
gordonfrohman: or something
ralph: yeah, preppy fuckwad narrates--mafioso moves in next door
gordonfrohman: right
ralph: mainly notable for the preppy being funny
ralph: and the wasp stuff being dead-on accurate
gordonfrohman: was he not a gifted cocksman as well
Niteowl: you waited years to use that line, didn't you?
gordonfrohman: so sad that I read so many books and have virtually no memory of them
Niteowl: or maybe you haven't read anything and spend all night gaming
gordonfrohman: but I think I recall a sentence like "I lay there and let her have 190 orgasms while riding my amazing dick" or some such
gordonfrohman: he classed it up a bit, though
ralph: that's de mille talking, you can tell he's about as good a guy as Orson Scott Card
Katya: so who else saw inglorious basterds other than me this weekend
Niteowl: smooth segue
Katya: sorry i don't pay attention to anything you say niteowl
Niteowl: that's gonna leave a mark
Katya: im kidding of course
Katya: :)
Niteowl: too late, you just made some therapist in North Vancouver very rich, Katya
Katya: im getting a cut


chrisd: got my latte, iphone, bmw, fixed gear, I should just kill myself now
Niteowl: pretty much!
Niteowl: wait, have you placed high, (but not won), in a Slam Poetry competition?
chrisd: no, I also lack: skinny black jeans, white belts, a fauxhawk, and a taste for PBR
chrisd: and a moustache
chrisd: (ironic of course)
chrisd: and threadless tshirts and silver aviator glasses

Class Materials

chrisd: started classes this past tuesday!
betaray: what are you taking?
chrisd: I'm in chemistry, gf's in that and an anatomy class. Their first day is some cadaver dissection, just to weed out the weak
betaray: wow, that sounds pretty cool, I only ever got to do a rat
chrisd: this is community college, it's probably just a bum that fell asleep in the hallway

Richard Dawson

Cyrano: Keep it in the fridge.
Niteowl: ok, the last bit, what?
Cyrano: 100 People surveyed, top five answers are on the board, here's the question...
Cyrano: "Name something that you might keep a sample of in the fridge..."
Niteowl: sperm
Cyrano: there ya go.
Niteowl: hooker
Niteowl: rare but tasty eastern mongolian fresh water cetacean
Niteowl: hooker sperm
Niteowl: clean urine
Cyrano: Sarin
Niteowl: did i get them all?
Cyrano: Yes, but this isn't the 70's Family Feud so you're not getting any tounge.
Niteowl: fuck
Niteowl: all that book larning for nuthin

Singing, Lasers

Cyrano: I like Scalzi.
Cyrano: The first two of his Old Man's War series anyway.
Cyrano: Third one was just OK.
spruce: Yeah, I saw those, but didn't want to jump into a series without knowing if I'd like the author
Niteowl: i've heard quite a bit about this Old Man War thing
Niteowl: what is it? space opera?
Niteowl: LASERS!?
Cyrano: it's definitely space opera.
Cyrano: which I don't mean in a bad way.
spruce: lots of singing
Cyrano: viking hats.
Cyrano: space viking hats.
Cyrano: that shoot lasers.
Niteowl: SOLD

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Narrow Escape

liquidindian: So has anyone been following the Al-Megrahi story? Is it big over there?
bigjimslade: the local radio was interviewing a few relatives of victims
bigjimslade: let's just say that the consensus is that they are not happy
chrisd: my dad missed that plane.
chrisd: he was running late, didn't get on
chrisd: luckily he called us to tell us that...
stresstwig: holy shit
liquidindian: I concur with stresstwig.


chrisd: that's amusing. the game where nobody dies
gordonfrohman: that usually happens to me when I'm going melee with someone else
gordonfrohman: and it's four minutes of pointless swinging
Cyrano: just like the key parties your mom throws.
gordonfrohman: hey, my mom always gets some cock at those parties
Niteowl: she gets some cock at every party
Niteowl: even the lesbo ones
gordonfrohman: I guess that's a burn? I don't really understand it though
Cyrano: just have to invite South African sprinters.
gordonfrohman: it must kinda suck to have people question your gender
gordonfrohman: luckily I'm so goddamn butch it never comes up
stresstwig: people just assume you're lesbian from the outright, eh
Cyrano: did you understand that burn?


Niteowl: it's the decompressing that takes an age
Katya: but everything is downloading
Katya: yeah there has to be some information
stresstwig: maybe put in a dancing baby
stresstwig: that windmills while it is going
stresstwig: and then stands up and puts on shades when it is finished
Niteowl: uhh
Niteowl: ohhhkay?
Katya: or a poppin' and lockin' lincoln
Katya: who gets shot in the head when it's done
Niteowl: TOO SOON Katya
stresstwig: can you have it phone my mom?
stresstwig: she might want to know
Katya: maybe have it make a post to boing boing, I'm sure Cory would be interested
stresstwig: maybe have it make a "***** is a movie you should see" thread
Katya: can it write postal notes in case you are out on vacation?
Niteowl: you guys are the worst QA EVER
stresstwig: "I liked the part where it downloaded maps"
Katya: "it was in english"
stresstwig: "it wasn't a lindsay lohan movie"
stresstwig: "Niteowl is kind of an endearing name, though mispelled"
Katya: adding some A1 steak sauce made it taste even better
Katya: "not nearly as gay as its author"

Virtual Education

gordonfrohman: I'd have my class held in a pubbie CS match
stresstwig: hahahaha
stresstwig: without deadtalk
Niteowl: highest drop out rate of the entire Lower Askekooga COmmunity College and Beautician University
stresstwig: susan sontag? more like susan sonTOWNED
gordonfrohman: I think that's awesome. I want to go in and get a free education and maybe throw giant cocks at them
bigjimslade: that'
Faux Real: yeah the class is called "Oceanic biometrics and exploitation"
bigjimslade: yeah I want to make an avatar with a cavernous vagina and have people pop out of it in the middle of class
gordonfrohman: no, wow would be "Your assignment is to get 12 tattered boar hocks"
bigjimslade: it's not even a tech class?
Faux Real: it runs an "ocean sim"
gordonfrohman: and if you get an A, you're awarded a slightly better pair of trousers
Faux Real: yay college!
bigjimslade: Your reputation with the TA faction has improved!

But She Does NOT Do Windows

gordonfrohman: kat, you should apply to be Bradsucks' assistant
Katya: ha huh?
Katya: is he asking for one?
Katya: a girl friday?
gordonfrohman: yeah
gordonfrohman: being a frenetic ball of perpetual motion not required but helpful
Katya: huh
Katya: that could be interesting
Katya: though not sure its the best idea ;)
gordonfrohman: should do it!
gordonfrohman: why not
gordonfrohman: it's probably just sending e-mails, and you're on the computer all day, and making phone calls, and you never shut up anyway
gordonfrohman: could be perfect!
Katya: and i have a vag
gordonfrohman: plus maybe smoking his bone
Katya: also smoking his bone

Scripts Can't Do That, FYI.

betaray: write me a python script to monitor everyone's wieners nitey
betaray: We'll do it for the good of mankind
stresstwig: I already wrote a python script to monitor my wiener
stresstwig: I call it "a check made out to your mom"
stresstwig: because she's a wiener doctor.
stresstwig: and you know, infection.
betaray: is it scalable?


stresstwig: maybe they need to give michael bay a government position where he makes films teaching the public about policy
stresstwig: we open up on a death panel. A man in a black hood holds a scythe. an old naked woman lies on a slab. death is immenent.
stresstwig: then he shoots obamas out of his eyes
stresstwig: I don't really think I need to go into any more detail
betaray: Megan Fox drapes her scantily clad body across the desk of the secretary of commerce

Don't Get Down On Anakin, Man

stresstwig: i mean it kind of seems basically they hate obama, and therefore everything else.
betaray: which honestly isn't too much different than the last 8 years
stresstwig: sure, beta, but I feel like bush had established a sort of bad credit in the first few years
betaray: and the people with the papier mache dick cheneys weren't being heralded as speaking for the average person
gordonfrohman: well it's not like cheney's feelings would be hurt. he had those circuits removed after Palpatine sealed him in the armor

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

L4D Server Commands

[OldF] Niteowl: How do you pause the game?
[OldF] Niteowl: vote_pause?
[MeFi] chundo : you stay in the safe room?
[MeFi] CPA-ONE : bot didn't want to
[MeFi] CPA-ONE : bot's all "ima be a hero!"
[OldF] Niteowl: man, i can never remember these commands
[MeFi] Chris D : stupid taint whore is a good command


[OldF] Niteowl: but zompist is a linguist, if it doesn't have goddamn words with ' in it, he's NOT ON.
[OldF] Niteowl: what did you think of his ruby manual, cpa?]
[OldF] Niteowl: (and what do you hack in? perl?)
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: i don't remember if i read it
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: (yes, perl)
[OldF] Niteowl: i mean, interesting.


[MeFi] CPA-ONE: I have a low tolerance for ARTISTS in general
[OldF] Niteowl: ALSO! LINGUISTS!
[MeFi] CPA-ONE Also, he raped my sister
[OldF] Niteowl: fuck, you are SOO picky cpa-one
[MeFi] chundo: you can't win with you
[OldF] Niteowl: can't be someone who rapes your sister, or the guy who abducted and tortured your favourite Jeep to death, or the gang that upended your lucrative life insurance policy you had on your cockatoo.

Perl, Your Mom

[OldF] Niteowl: my buddy worked for the company that did intendo canada's site
[OldF] Niteowl: it was one page.
[OldF] Niteowl: all in perl
[OldF] Niteowl: the site was massive
[MeFi] CPA-ONE:hahah
Big Jim Slade: as was your mom
[OldF] Niteowl: but she's hot, so that's ok
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: touche'
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: douche
[OldF] Niteowl: well, after jim, yeah, she'd NEED to douche
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: hahaha, ew
[OldF] Niteowl: sorry, i'm used to 'chatting' with jim
Big Jim Slade:heheheh that's pretty funn- HEY

Sick and Tired

liquidindian: Impressed with it, though.
liquidindian: Far better than I thought it would be.
gordonfrohman: are you at the point where you're tired of seeing starbuck yelling while in tears, or at the point where you're about to kill yourself because you just can't take another scene of starbuck yelling while in tears
gordonfrohman: because my GOD I got sick of starbuck yelling while in tears
Niteowl: Or have you gone over the hump and gotten to where gordonfrohman is at, writing fanfic about starbuck yelling while in tears. and zero g.

BSG, Actually

liquidindian: BLIMEY
liquidindian: Well, that ending made me literally gasp.
liquidindian: I actually took a big intake of breath that sounded like HAAAAAUUUUUP
chundo: just finished The Little Prince?

Nerd Core

betaray: you've spent the last few days trying to steal users from boo for your own community app
betaray: you are the most h4rdc0re here
stresstwig: single handedly taking down boo industries
Niteowl: yeah man, i showed HIM who's boss
Niteowl: making a user friendly app that does exactly what he says it's going to do?
Niteowl: that's BULLSHIT boo, i show it how we do!
Niteowl: NO gui, no progress bar, and a interface that looks likeyer running some sketchy batch job on DOS
betaray: that's a programmer's map downloader
betaray: memorize the command line switches, or suck it bitches!
betaray: hmmm, I should use that line in my next rap battle

Spoiler Alert!

liquidindian: BSG SEASON FINALE
liquidindian: EXCITING
gordonfrohman: I heard they're doing a BSG movie, but it'll be unrelated
Niteowl: they are going back to the pyramid helmets, i hope
gordonfrohman: though makes sense, I guess, since everyone died in the tv show finale (spoiler alert)
gordonfrohman: (fake spoiler alert)
Niteowl: correction, everyone died or was a cylon
Niteowl: (spoiler alert)
gordonfrohman: a dead cylon
gordonfrohman: (spoiler alert)
Niteowl: except for that one undead cylon, fucking Roslin
Niteowl: (spoiler alert)
liquidindian: Shh.
Niteowl: is the spoiler alert supposed to come before or after, i forget.
betaray: (spoiler alert)
gordonfrohman: he wasn't fucking Roslin, she just gave him head
Niteowl: nono, he so was, they just went to soft focus right after she got into the leather swing
Niteowl: you don't think they were going to do underdogs, did you?
Niteowl: (spoiler alert)

No, I Don't Follow TinaFey

gordonfrohman: the problem with following celebrity twitters is that they spend all their time @replying to people you don't follow, so it's really boring
betaray: @ballsdeep Yo man, so funny!


gordonfrohman: who might be working for Fox
gordonfrohman: which will really annoy me
Niteowl: mute + Fox channel == HOT
gordonfrohman: she could all her show Palindrones
gordonfrohman: or, The Stupid Winking Cunt Who We Just Can't Get Rid Of Trots Out Her Retard Baby A Lot
gordonfrohman: but they probably won't go with that
betaray: if you put "and Friends" on the end, they might..
Niteowl: & Co.

Time Slots

liquidindian: Okay, I'm going to dabble with nomenclature I don't really understand, but here goes:
liquidindian: Palin will never work for Fox.
liquidindian: She's going to work for their sister channel:
liquidindian: Cougar.
liquidindian: I feel I should have looked that up first.
Niteowl: semi-ZING
stresstwig: or upn 2
stresstwig: BURN
stresstwig: as long as they don't bump moesha

Dance Battles

gordonfrohman: obama will probably ban them... just like hitler did
betaray: of course, the future liberal nazi takeover
betaray: so obvious
betaray: probably banned dancing because it causes global warming
gordonfrohman: it kinda all does fit together
gordonfrohman: 1) infiltrate the highest office of government as a secret-kenyan
gordonfrohman: 2) provide health care for all, like the nazi's did
gordonfrohman: 3) government takeover of .03% of all businesses, thus creating a socialist society
gordonfrohman: 4) ban dancing
betaray: the classic kenyan candidate plot
gordonfrohman: IT ALL ADDS UP
betaray: then only their forbidden love will be able to redeem us

Talkin' Bout My Generation.

itchy: just updated my youtube profile:
itchy: Name: Samantha
well, i am a gurl...and im VERY krazi!!! i hav lots ov frends, im nice, really funny, and um i hear i hav a nice body.. bt idk. and if i hav a boifrend thn thy come 1st!!! i am very commited in a relationship. bt if not thn im flurting ALL THA TYM!!

itchy: Interests and Hobbies: MUSIC, FRENDS, TXTN, COMP, AND BOIZ!!!!!
Movies and Shows: my fav movie is lyk the ring and saw. (scary muvii gurl) and my fav shows are prob scrubs and umm tmz!!
Books: ...shut up

itchy: i didn't want to sound all smart and stuff and mention books
Niteowl: holy fuck itchy
Niteowl: you're really channelling a generation there
Katya: i dunno, he sounds hot


Niteowl: man, you programmers are so CRAZY
chundo: what do you mean, YOU programmers?
Niteowl: i mean.. you know, you guys. you guys who are pro-- i mean.. i'm close friends with a few programmers man, stop looking at me that way.


betaray: what's up chundo?
chundo: nada
chundo: playing with databases
betaray: si, los loco databasejones
chundo: they're CRAAAAAAAZY


Faux Real: that looks fucking awesome
Faux Real: i will go see it with my sister
Faux Real: fuck the haters
KatyaEatingABurger: The film is described as a "West Side Story" for the hip hop generation. The story takes place in a futuristic New York City, in the year of 2015 where dancing battles are strictly prohibited.[5] Micha (Marques Houston), a very skilled dancer, begins an underground dancing arena known as "Boogie Town", where dancing teams battle in "Winner Take All" matches. Micha and his crew known as "The Trojans" are long time rivals with "The Warriors" which is led by Jay (Mykal Anthony Bean), his former mentor and once longtime friend.
Both Micha and Jay have "ENERGY", a mysterious and supernatural power. But when Jay finds out that Natalie (Brenda Song), his younger sister, has been secretly dating Micha, the feud between "The Trojans" and "The Warriors" escalates onto the streets. So the only way to have the ultimate Dance-Off where the loser must leave town for good.
Faux Real: yeah, that sounds great
betaray: so do people die in battle dances?
betaray: or is this some kind of Footloose style dystopia?

Direct To Video

itchy: also we've come to the point where no one is ever going to believe real snuff footage anymore
Niteowl: pity
stresstwig: wait what? no-click.
Cyrano: Man, I've got a lot of wasted VHS tapes in my closet, then.
Cyrano: Back when I was killing truckstop hookers we didn't even know the meaning of "region free"

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Still Bioshock, Honest

Katya: little sister eating adude? what game are you playing?


cheesoning: I don't know anything, so no spoilers!
stresstwig: turns out you are actually above ground in a crazy sky ocean
stresstwig: that's why you start in a plane
bigjimslade: jesus stress
stresstwig: what?
bigjimslade: oh I was just kinda pissed you were spoiling that for cheese, it was mean
stresstwig: well he's going to encounter the great juju sky fish eventually
stresstwig: you can't protect him forever
stresstwig: wait, are we talking about a video game


Katya: anyone been in a love triangle?
Faux Real: ask stress and me about our friend danel pederson some time
stresstwig: like a legit love triangle where each person loves a different person?
stresstwig: and they run after each other like when a guy lies on the floor and runs in circles
Faux Real: thats a dope ass dance move
stresstwig: seriously
Faux Real: at least it was in middle school
cheesoning: that's the Curly shuffle
stresstwig: bonus points if you yell "woop woop"
Faux Real: or "I AM A LOVE TRIANGLE"


betaray: morning cyrano
Cyrano: it certainly is.
betaray: although I prefer night cyrano *wink*
Cyrano: all my garters are in the wash, unfortunately.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Ye Olde Bait N Switch

bigjimslade: the place we played Friday, up in East Buttfuck, Maine, was like that. Mill town, mill closed, and people coming out for the cheap beer offering to buy me drinks, got offered dope, blow, and quite possibly group sex
bigjimslade: I chose to not ask for clarification on the latter
itchy: i dunno man, group sex with a bunch of bikers? how could you pass that one up?
bigjimslade: actually it was with the girlfriend of one of the club owners, who also wanted to include the smoking hot bartender
bigjimslade: (owner's gf, not so much)
itchy: /jim anxiously tries to remove wedding band
itchy: was the bartender interested?
itchy: i mean, maybe the other one could have just watched or something
bigjimslade: no the bartender just rolled her eyes every time the girlfriend looked away