Saturday, October 23, 2010

Uh, Present Company Excluded, Of Course

spruce I'd be worried that this WootStock would skew towards dork humour, which isn't my cup of tea
Big Jim S. good call hanging with us then


Katya rubberduck! captain carrot! pig iron! Yankee Poodle! Aleecatabra (or whatever her name was) and fastback!
twig all that means is that the furries win
Katya Alley-Kat-Abra
i could live with that
twig you could live with a furry dominant society?
metamonk she just got back from furrytarian fantasy camp
it's like the Davos of slightly sour-smelling whole body costumes

He's Just Jealous

[OldF] Niteowl: can't a man respect another man's right for overly complicated controls to realistically model state of the art US military hardware?
 metamonk: niteowl is playing Sikorsky vs sky crane
metamonk: kiowa vs huey
Chris D: malcolm vs huey?
metamonk: mongolfier vs flapping wingsuit from "Gizmo"

It'sA Roundabout Path To Anger

Jazz always reminds me of Will Riker then I think of beards then I remember I can't grow a beard and get kinda angry.

The Answer is No, To Both

Niteowl: naw, just wanted you to watch some cheesy ass voice recital
Niteowl: too much ralph exposure, i'm afraid
Niteowl: same problem with the Hasidic jews in that area
stressmib:  niteowl: is that recital any good?
stressmib: seems....awful
stressmib: like he doesn't know the words
bigjimslade: I have a very small-point font on this client, it looked like you were asking niteowl if that rectal was any goodbigjimslade: and was afraid of an answer

The One At The Show Is Just A Cessna With a Body Kit.

ralph: heh
spruce: those things look more Empire than TIE Fighters
spruce: WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS. Just look at our evil planes!
Cyrano: tie fighter engineer: "I really think about fifteen degrees of vision to the front is enough, don't you?"
cheesoning: oh man, was playing basketball drunk with the band back in pre-married days when one of those things flew overhead
cheesoning: dude, stuff to the side is a blur at best
cheesoning: there was an air show happening 10 miles from our locationcheesoning: not stealthy at all, for the record. Could hear it coming.
Cyrano: according to the literature, that's when you're already dead.

Right Next To A 24 Pack Of Condoms

Cyrano: I found a Esquire magazine with an interview with the cast of The Phantom Menace before it came out. I kept it as a symbol of dashed hopes.


Katya: off to movie it up
Katya: bbl
Gemmy: enhoy
spruce: oh man
Gemmy: enjoy even
Katya: i will enjoy
Katya: enhoy the shit out of it

Fine Arts Majors Are The Cannon Fodder.

stressmib: so spruce, how did you like faux real's transformation into bad compan 2
spruce: he adapted quickly to that game... too quickly
spruce: but he was serious bizness
stressmib: yeah
stressmib: i find it funny because he was expecting me to adapt to his system
stressmib: so he's like "CONTACT 3 O CLOCK"
stressmib: and I'm like "dude on an atv to the leftish"

It's The Wonder Years All Over Again

Niteowl: so, when my dad phones, which is never/rarely, he has this thing where he insists awkward ass pauses in his conversation. much like how he talks face to face 
Niteowl: it might be he's filling his pipe, driving very very slowly across lanes, or whatever.
Niteowl: in anycase, now i just let a relatively REASONABLE amount of time pass (for someone who has spent his life trying to interact with other humans in a civil manner), then just hang upNiteowl: invariably the phone rings again, this time with my mother on line
Niteowl: just trying to make teh oncoming traffic slow downcheesoning: Niteowl - here's what happens in the interim: "I don't know what happened. YOU TALK TO HIM."

Who's "He"?

Cyrano: oh god, he didn't make that up.
Cyrano: this is a real thing: ""Introduction (The Ramblin' Boys of Pleasure Sing the Hobo Clown Chorus).mp3""

Also, Terrible, TERRIBLE Credit Rating

chrisd: ralph: that looked like a l4d screenshot, in zombie-vision colors
ralph: that explains why I've been whispering "I love you" at that pic
ralph: she looks great but you know she chews with her mouth open and talks loudly at the movies
ralph: ...I'm old.


bigjimslade has changed the topic to:@Katya stress: thats what i tend to try to do now is just get people to explode in me
Katya: oh god
ralph: heheh
bigjimslade: Out Of Context Double Entendre Topics: A Tradition
Katya: i said that didn't i
ralph: you have to trick them kat?
Katya: yeah and it never works
Katya: just like in plain sightKatya: no one will ever explode in me
Katya: just on me
Katya: god damnit

That's The One That Draws the Ire

ralph: if spruce's wife didn't play this I would unload on it
spruce: go ahead, I don't mind. She only plays casually
spruce: which means she just has the catheter and not a colostomy bag as well

Game Reference Needed

Katya: stress: thats what i tend to try to do now is just get people to explode in me
ralph: mildly nsfw

They Never Mention It At The Franchise Fairs

Cyrano A friend of mine owns a tanning salon in Waco near Baylor.
Lots of interesting stories.
Ted Nugent's wife is a regular.
He's had the Bush twins there before.

spruce I'm sure his clientele is the cream of society's crop

Cyrano They've had a serial trash can shitter.
Want to know what semen smells like when it's been baked by a UV light? Buy a tanning salon.

spruce so noted

Way Back Current Affairs : That Ash Volcano Airline Thing.

Niteowl: the caption for that photo
Niteowl: "in the lands of Mordor, the clouds are so thick, Jaansk Haeferold can barely get the on his socialized fixed gear to get organic tulips at the local coop"

Google-Fu Is Not Always An Asset.

Cyrano: i blame the internet for what the phrase "tramp steamer" is doing in my head right now.Cyrano: seriously. I've got three more fucking hours and I've got elbow-patch hobos shitting on each other stuck in my head.Cyrano: lame.
Cyrano: they're clown hobos, too.
Cyrano: just so's you know how awesome it is.
Cyrano: i bet there's hobo porn. waddaya wanna bet there's hobo porn?Cyrano: there's clown porn.
Cyrano: gotta be hobo porn.Niteowl: what about hobo clown porn?
betaray: NSFW:

He Pranks His Pa, Most Of Us Just Ignore Them Altogether.

ralph: my dad is stuck in london
ralph: bored
ralph: he's been calling me every hour
ralph: so each time he calls I give him a different grounding-related piece of advice
ralph: Dad, listen, when the planes start flying again, don't eat the food
ralph: because it will have been sitting at Gate Gourmet for a week
Cyrano: crysturbate?
ralph: Dad, listen, glad you called
ralph: Don't go to Wilton tomorrow, the oysters will be antique
ralph: they fly em in, you know
ralph: dad, great--they sent the airport custodians home so the germs are gonna grow out of control at heathrow and on the planes. don't touch any surfacesralph: he'll be on a boat tomorrow.
Cyrano: tramp steamer, bitches.
ralph: it's how he got here originally
ralph: or so he claims
ralph: in reality he arrived first class on a cruise ship
ralph: a present from his grandmother
ralph: weaksauce immigrant

But How Would That Distinguish?

Katya: my favorite one is ghost copsKatya: which is a real show
Katya: about cops who when off duty search for ghosts
cheesoning: they should call it Bored Cops

Wait, what?

Big Jim S.
there's some sort of thing my aunt uses, it's a green Febreze, she swears by it. Damned if I can remember the name though
Big Jim S. but we use Oxy too
Hippie cleaners generally get things about as clean as hippies.
Big Jim S.
it gets blood up, we know that
"now in patchouli scent!"

A&E Brainstorming

itchy: do any of the hoarders ever have anything of value?
itchy: because they could do a crossover with two guys that try to trick old people out of their antiques
Katya: yeah they do
Katya: occasioonally
Katya: but often they are just fucked up
Katya: also the ghost shows
Katya: i think they should do a show about addicted people who hoard ghosts
Katya: they could hit them all
cheesoning: addicted small people who hoard ghosts
Katya: in their trucks
Katya: or other dangerous job
itchy: antique hoardshow

Hard To Get

[OldF] Niteowl: so i hear you wanna play another game of l4d2 versus
[OldF] Niteowl: well
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: nope
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: all done for the night
[OldF] Niteowl: no need to play hard to get with us
[OldF] Niteowl: stop playing coy, put down the pinafore and join us
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: it took too long to squeeze into this girdle
[OldF] Niteowl: whalebone is cheap no, just cut through it, Sally, and fire up the damn game

You Have To Buy The Video To Find Out

 - Ralph: jesus fuck maggie oconnell is a conservative
 - Ralph:
 - Ralph: theres a buzzlkill
 - [OldF] Niteowl: fuck i know, right?
 - [OldF] Niteowl: i replied to your damn twitter thing
 - [OldF] Niteowl: she was almost indecently hot in the day
 - Ralph: no wai that was actually her?
 - Ralph: NO WAI
 - [OldF] Niteowl: yes. yes it was.
 - [OldF] Niteowl: it was my very very very first thought
 - Ralph: two
 - Ralph: two
 - Ralph: two workouts in one
 - Ralph: (why did they say two three times)
 - Ralph: (and why is a prayer a workout)

It's Not Actually Advertised As Such

Katya: of course they also showed non stop ads for Addicted and Hoarders: Buried alive or whatever their show is called
Katya: (TLC decided ot totally copy A&E's depression block)
itchy: are you addicted to the depression block?
Katya: no i stopped watching a while ago
Katya: after a while you kind of get it
Katya: only so many shows of dead animals found in a garage full of stuffed animals

Thursday, October 21, 2010


frohman: $25 for a horse. that is a crazy price point
Katya: yes
itchy: doesn't seem to be hurting sales
spruce: most of the horse is transparent, too, so it probably took half as long to create
Katya: they had to build the alternate dimension where the rest of the horse is though
itchy: it's not even a fucking unicorn
spruce: yeah, I can't believe how much they charged for that stupid thing
spruce: people is dumbralph: that's gonna be the title of my book on goldman
ralph: : it's not even a fucking unicorn
itchy: people is dumb HEY STEAM SALE
Katya: at least when you read about the amazing am ounts of money people put into that game you hear about corporate backstabbing and big space battles
Katya: WoW? My Little Pony!
itchy: speaking of horses, is anyone else getting the singles ad at the top?

Elephant Promises

Katya i loved the ending of Book of Eli because thats when I could throw my hands up and scream "ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?!"
spruce did it turn out that he was black at the end?Niteowl omfg SPOILER ALERT PLSE for a movie i'll nver watch
twig notice how nobody spoiled it.
(he's a leper)
i'm going to guess here
is he blind?
twig nopespruce I thought he was blind based on the previews
twig oh, wait.
i meant yes.
spruce what with the sunglasses
twig I watched it with my dad, and he was convinced that he wasn't blind. It was as though he could not accept a world in which a movie that terrible is made
spruce and at the end of the Kool Moe Dee video for Wild Wild West, it turned out he was blind after he took off his sunglasses
twig spruce you are like some sort of pop culture elephant that never forgetsspruce I'm just a creature of my time, possessing reams of knowledge and memories, all of them worthless.
you'll still remember the names of all the pokemon when you're 50 stress.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It Does, Katya, It Does.

Katya: crazy
itchy: who what what
JDHarper: wow
Katya: holy shit
Katya: 25 bucks?
Katya: i had no idea it was THAT expensive
frohman: cripes.frohman: 2 million buck
frohman: for one artist sitting down and building a horse
Katya: but it is see throughKatya: ish
Katya: and don't forget the money for catering the 50 meetings discussing the horse 
frohman: meanwhile, my week of slaving over a hot website has netted me 36 cents in ad revenue!
Katya: i bet that gumball tastes pretty sweet, frohman


Gemmy: My eyes are crossed due to complicated and pompous. Doing last editing of my report, which is going to press today.Gemmy: Example: In qualitative terms, Taiwan’s F-16A/Bs and Mirage 2000-5s are roughly comparable to Chinese Su-30s, Su-27/J-11s, and J-10s in performance and combat capability. The F-CK-1A/Bs are generally considered superior to J-8s, but lack the aerodynamic performance of some of the newer PLA aircraft types, while the F-5E/Fs should be a match for the J-7s.
ralph: oh jesus you know planesralph: I was just about to go on a diatribe about Dassault
Gemmy: nah, just Chinese and Taiwanese ones
Niteowl: quicklime, hotline to a Cleaner, proficiency at killing at close quarters with nothing more than a bit of dental floss and an incontinent tabby.

iPad Handshake

monitron: someone else has an ipad! we need to figure out some sort of ipad handshake to do
monitron: but he is even fatter and more poorly dressed than I am
cheesoning: one person holds up hand - palm forward - other person scrolls on it.
monitron: which is not increasing my opinion of ipad users on the whole
ralph: I know! you can violently clash them together like a high five
monitron: how about a pinch gesture instead

Exit Something, Anyways

monitron: eesh.. just had a call from my soon-to-be-ex-boss.. slightly awkward
Katya: was she weeping
Niteowl: did she insist you take back the ring?
monitron: no but she was a little bit "why? whyy????"
monitron: Niteowl: she threw it at me 
ralph: wait, monitron, you didn't take her aside and tell her first?
ralph: take her to lunch, tell her you wanted her to know first, but things happened too fastralph: make her feel special
ralph: srsly
cheesoning: rub her feet
ralph: if necessary
Niteowl: your ability to produce sincerity is creepifying ralph
ralph: thank you niteowl.
ralph: I'm eddie haskell ^ 3
stressmib: maybe take her around on the streets of paris on your vespa, one last time
ralph: milan
stressmib: visit all of the places you came to love through the power of being together
stressmib: after a good amount of montage, you'll come to the ice cream shop where you first metstressmib: however, it will have been recently shut down, in symbolic times

Probably Playing The Wrong Game

frohman: well, I did bean 9 straight batters in MLB 2K10 to see if they would ever charge the mound

Prescient, Jameson.

cheesoning: I think I would be a good hockey goalie
cheesoning: I'd use normal shoes and extra padding
cheesoning: and would NOT MOVE
Cyrano: I think I would be a good princess.
Cyrano: Using the same philosphy.
Niteowl: good? try STUNNING
ralph: niteowl, cut your line out when you RD this


monitron: I don't feel like age is a liability in this field, as long as you stay up to date and don't "harden in your ways," so to speak
Niteowl: true
Niteowl: and of course, if you do hardcore C++ and or firmware + assembly, greybearding can give you that certain degree of charming hermitage that is so needed in arcane pursuitsGemmy: EVERY AFTERNOON!! :)
ralph: just wait monitron
ralph: your ways get hardenedralph: even if you vow it will never happen
ralph: at some point, a subtle series of transformations occurs
Niteowl: that's your T-zone, ralph, and just buy the Oil of Olay product already.
Niteowl: gawd.
monitron: i'm already feeling it
ralph: and you go from a guy who can sleep on the floor of a departures lounge in a third world airport
Cyrano: stop saying hardened.
ralph: to a guy who yells "WATCH YOUR MANNERS" at neighbors who are loudKatya: hardened

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

He Misspelled Sail

ralph: born 1985
ralph: sweet kid. Knows NOTHING
Gemmy: stooop itt!!!
ralph: I miss that phase
ralph: now I'm a bitter old man who knows NOTHING
ralph: my first job, I can rember people saying "born in 1968? You're a BABY"
ralph: "I REMEMBER 1968"
ralph: course, those were the early days of rail travel


KingOfPoptarts: he may also be cross dressing soon
KingOfPoptarts: i do enjoy flying on virgin though
KingOfPoptarts: just wish it wasn't so expensive
KingOfPoptarts: its like flying on a very comfortable classy gay nightclub
cheesoning: I wish they were in Chicago

But Dental Is Covered 17%!

Niteowl: monitron: this job is why they invented
Niteowl: now I can stop using razors and lemon juice to dull my painful existence
monitron: the second one!
monitron: one and a half gnawed-off limbs later, I am quitting my job
Niteowl: decided to save the commute, and slam my scrotum with brick repeatedly at home!
Niteowl: the full-time suicide counsellor should have been my first clue

It's Like Multiple Choice

[OldF] Niteowl : damn, monk, you hosting? not bad
Gemmy : meta, what did you do to deserve this hosting?
tittergrrl : this server smells like metamonk
metamonk : pine and scotch?
tittergrrl : by which i mean poupouri!
[OldF] Niteowl : cigarrettes and carbs
[OldF] Niteowl : small bars that play only unsigned bands and your mother's afgan
[OldF] Niteowl : the backseat of a permanently parked Crown Victoria and mothballs
[OldF] Niteowl : twelve dollars in quarters and an empty.. long since empty bottle of sunny-d
[OldF] Niteowl : the inside of an abandoned morgue and the entire collection of Penthouse from 1968-1972 inclusive
[OldF] Niteowl : ok, i'm tapped out, what does metamonk smell like?


tittergrrl: so i suck at plain sight
tittergrrl: suuuuck
[OldF] Niteowl: play with metamonk
tittergrrl: metamonk: i think we are assuming that it will continue tho
[OldF] Niteowl: revel in the joy that is relativism

Embittered Consumer

ralph: 9th grade urban history classralph: we went to Columbia MD to see the first mall
ralph: built by the Rouse Company
ralph: what the fuck kind of field trip is that?

Ahnold and Melissa

ralph: we loved it because we found battery-powered squirt guns that looked like HK MP5s
ralph: which totally fit my love of weaponry
ralph: everyone wanted to be a dr, lawyer
ralph: I wanted to be a commando
ralph: aah, college

Also Disgusting

cheesoning: That whole mall smelled like roasting nuts.
Niteowl: heated seats?
cheesoning: yes. Roasted man nuts.
cheesoning: burning hair and boiled semen.
cheesoning: or cashews. The memory is tricky.

Fine Print

ralph: just cause 2 demo downloaded
ralph: launched
ralph: dx 10.1 installed
ralph: then it tells me my windows XP install is holdin' me back
ralph: and if I want to graduate I gotta go to summer school or some shit

He Actually Took English In College.

cheesoning: hm, 1970s pics of the center court of Woodfield:
cheesoning: my mom used to take us there during the winter a lot to walk around and get exercise
ralph: I've been staying away from that place since Carousel
chrisd: nice mall, cheese-- looks like Logan's Run set.
ralph: suck it cd
cheesoning: totally does - I guess there was a mall in San Jose by the same builder called Eastgate or something?
ralph: been there
ralph: and it's pronounced "San Jose"
ralph: rhymes with toast


ralph: also, I rmembered walking past it--bunch of kids from my grade school got in a scrap with a bunch of kids from another grade school
ralph: we're talking 6 years old here
ralph: we had recently learned "the finger" and had decided that it looked even ruder of you gave people the finger with the inside of your finger facing them
ralph: the other kids copied us
ralph: so in the spring of 1962. one could have rounded the corner of XX and XX Ave and seen 15 children giving themselves the finger
cheesoning: heheh
ralph: years later, they caused the financial collapse
cheesoning: that is fucking poetry.
ralph: ty. I'm a poor man's stresstwig

Cornucopia of Disease

ralph: According to the Texas Medical Association there are three personality traits and disorders common to physicians: narcissitic, obsessive-compulsive and antisocial.
ralph: what the fuck let's all go!
cheesoning: fuck you.
cheesoning: FUCK
cheesoning: oh wait, that's Tourette's.
cheesoning: BALL HAIR


ralph: I accepted a cigarette from a middle-aged stripper in destin FLA after Hurricane Opel in 1995
ralph: I went to light hers and she waved me off, saying "Sulphur"
ralph: like I was trying to harm her wholesome winning streak

Win Big

herrdoktor: i played craps with a philip seymore hoffman lookalike and won summin around 4000 bucks from one bet.
cheesoning: I got $25 out of an Elvis slot machine once.
ralph: end dispatch from the bargain cereal aisle
Katya: i once found a quarter
Faux Real: I drive in austin some times

In Vegas == Mob Boss, apparently.

Niteowl: if i went, would you buy me unlimited orange juliuses?
herrdoktor: nite: you can just ask for em
Niteowl: nonono
Niteowl: i wanna order one
herrdoktor: order em. they will not laugh.
Niteowl: and then you make a motion towards the sexily dressed waitress/model/student/single mom that basically amounts to
Niteowl: 'put it on my tab'
Niteowl: then the look on their faces change from bemusement and almost mocking to one of total acknowledgement and compliance, and you nodding, ever so slightly, that you approve of their service

Vegas : Reasons

cheesoning: spruce - we went when my sister turned 21. Arrived in the AM, got a cab from the airport, witnessed a guy barfing on his own shoes sitting on the curb on the strip (feet in the road).
cheesoning: well, if that guy just had is bachelor party, it's a happy scene. If that's his typical Thursday, it's fairly sad.

Vegas : A Way To A Trannie Hooker's Heart

Niteowl: if was interested in any way in gambling, or the desert, or affordable trannie hookers, i'd BE THERE
Katya: dude las vegas is just stupid fun
chrisd: without the fun
cheesoning: it's like a GIANT Dave and Busters with hookers.
Katya: also delicious food options in vegas

An NSA Server Dedicated To Tracking You IS Funny

ralph: I think NASA should auction off control of the robot on the space shuttle
ralph: It would be a lot of fun to freak the fuck out of those air force squares
ralph: [Click clack] ALLAHU AKBAR"
ralph: and then go for a throat
ralph: you know, but funny-like

Work Etiquette

Virate If you were on the phone with your cousin, and a client came to your office, would you get off the phone with him, deal with them and call him back?
Virate  or let your coworker try to make smalltalk with them while you talk about family stuff that everyone can hear?
Niteowl "So it's impacted? what does that even me? I thought he couldn't poo."
twig just start dancing
twig everybody loves the worm
metamonk is he clueless or demonstrating priorities
Niteowl "Weeping.. cyst... Hold on, I've never heard those two word together"
metamonk Virate, and I know I seldom advise this: fart.
twig ask them how many marshmallows they think you can eat before you vomit
cheesoning "who wants a jaeger bomb?!"

Sure, 'Game'

ralph: dok I am damned please you're coming to nyc
ralph: you wanna be raped or mugged first?
ralph: whoops , forgot. you're from here
Faux Real: who by?
ralph: who ya wanna rape and/or mug first
Faux Real: is this like that game kill screw marry?

It's called a QUIVER, God.

Cyrano: RE: Hawkeye: I was generally not a fan of heroes who would become useless if they left their gym bag in the trunk of a car.

Hot Or Not

itchy: my stepfather was trying to tell me who had been kicked off of Dancing with the Stars last night, but couldn't really describe them ... I said, "was it the tall dark and handsome guy?" ... he furrowed his brow and gave a look like something smelled bad and said, "Uh, I don't notice that sort of thing"
itchy: and for a brief moment, i questioned my own sexuality
Niteowl: then settled on 'definitely bisexual'
liquidindian: He's the one watching Dancing with the blimmin' Stars, for crying out loud.
itchy: i like to think i'm comfortable enough with my straightness, that i can look at a guy and tell you if he's good looking
Niteowl: and if that takes a subscription to a rather blue site, and for said man to be unclothed, then SO BE IT
itchy: but then again ... maybe i do have a bit o' the gay in me
itchy: who knows
Cyrano: do you want some?
itchy: maybe?

Palin : The Infatuation Months

liquidindian: You think Palin is attractive?
liquidindian: Genuinely~?
Niteowl: ya
twitchy: ya
stresstwig: you guys ever seen the movie teeth
twitchy: she ain't ugly
twitchy: teeth made my peepee hide for a week
stresstwig: yes, well.
stresstwig: sarah palin is the personification of vagina dentata
Niteowl: she looks like the sort of GOP repressed self-hatin' conservative who'd do all sorts of things involving ... uh.. .. uh.. conversation?
Cyrano: and mandingo-themed dildos.
Niteowl: in the same way i think princess amidala is attractive
twitchy: oh yeah ... the more repressed, the better
bigjimslade: oh yeah, after a couple of beers, I bet she's filthier than Marv Albert crossed with Bill O'Reilly

Another Terrible Binary Answer

liquidindian: If I get Plain Sight, do you promise to play it for more than 2 days?
chrisd: don't fall for that one, liquidindian
stresstwig: i'm playing forever
stresstwig: your rps guy liked it
liquidindian: 'your'
stresstwig: yes.
liquidindian: Because they're British?
liquidindian: Or because I like them?
stresstwig: yes
liquidindian: Right-o


Niteowl: i think my palin crush is helped by the fact that i've never really seen her speak or read anything she's said.
liquidindian: Mara Carfagna of Italy.
Niteowl: well, sure, cheat and use Italy
Cyrano: liquid is dropping all that unfair "knows about places and people who aren't in the US" knowledge on us.

He Coulda Been a Contenda.

stresstwig: commandos are the most frustrating games you will ever play
stresstwig: it sounds like fun and games until you learn that you are supposed to do everything at the same time
Niteowl: oh, you can zip it, Mr. I've Never Played Plain Sight Before But I'll Proceed To Kick All Your Asses At It
spruce: he's young, you're old. This is how it works
spruce: Just look at it this way, you're not SO old that he's throwing matches out of pity for you.
spruce: yet
Faux Real: god, save me from the helpful


spruce: Crazy Jay's DEAL-O-RAMA
Niteowl: 5 BUCKS! 5 BUCKS! 5 BUCKS!
liquidindian: You could sell ANYTHING to Niteowl for $5.
Niteowl: pretty much
Niteowl: you have ot be particualarly shitty for me to skip it
liquidindian: I have 3 dollars here, Niteowl. Only five bucks!
Niteowl: HOLY SHIT! SOLD liquidindian
Niteowl: i called it
***Niteowl gives wary eye to all other deal seekers

The One Where What?

Faux Real: ting tang walla walla
Cyrano@home: hey now, you keep your ting tang in your pants.
Faux Real: that video is, to me, hotter than the one where the chick in white does cartwheels on a limo


Niteowl: so, what was the tweet?

itchy: Why didn't betaray ask that himself?
betaray: haha
betaray: 'cause he's lazy
betaray: but notice how he didn't say no
itchy: well i imagine he's wondering why it's being discussed
itchy: ralph tweeted to him about it just moments before
cheesoning: because itchy didn't want to wake betaray.
cheesoning: obviously.
cheesoning: he's so cute and peaceful when he sleeps...
itchy: we only have one iphone in bed and i don't like to share
betaray: and angry like bear when roused from post coital nap
cheesoning: later
cheesoning: gross
cheesoning: post coital is the least sexy euphemism ever.
betaray: Hey baby, how about you, me and a little coital action *wink*
cheesoning: jesus.
betaray: you're only encouraging me...


Niteowl: so, besides scotch, anything else?
Niteowl: a cat brush?
stresstwig: the guy kind of has everytihng
itchy: busi smokes pipe tobacco
Niteowl: oh does he?
itchy: yes
Niteowl: a pipe then?
itchy: well i was thinking tobacco
Niteowl: isn't that kinda personal? like.. ppl have tobacco preferences?
stresstwig: maybe some nice canadian cigarettes?
stresstwig: a fez?
stresstwig: set of shot-puts
stresstwig: a t-shirt with abe lincoln on it that says "just shoot me"
stresstwig: miniature croquet set
Niteowl: uhm
Niteowl: anyone besides absurd mccrazy have ideas?

Double Dog Dare

stresstwig: i'll do it beta
itchy: if you don't i will
betaray: thanks
betaray: go for it
stresstwig: go ahead itchy
itchy: you called my bluff
stresstwig: this one is more in your ballpark
itchy: HEY
stresstwig: what
stresstwig: that's a compliment
itchy: dunno
stresstwig: i think.
itchy: thanks?
stresstwig: you're welcome
stresstwig: dick.
itchy: ha
niteowl: wow, this is so much better than the conversations we have in person
betaray: it's also harder for me to come in like 5 minutes late with a joke
betaray: that's why I love chat
stresstwig: no YOU'RE AN AN IRAN-CONTRA

Monday, October 18, 2010

Still Not Helping

ralph: gf recited all of your names except frohman the other day
ralph: freaked me right the fuck out
bigjimslade: it's not like she doesn't know my screen name, just the separation of them
ralph: I think I sent her an RD post once
Niteowl: i'm having trouble getting through my social anxiety to meet you ppl I e-know, let alone someone beatific enough to pu tup with ralph's assholedouchery
Niteowl: euro-philic tendencies with urgent leangings towards the blue-collar authenticness
ralphniteowl, in your case, it's not social anxiety.
Niteowl: it's not?
ralph: it's an accurate prediction of people's reponse to you.

Oh Blanche!

stresstwigniteowl will be quiet until i start pouring hidden shots of jaeger into every single cup he holds
bigjimslade: really though there's nothing to worry about. Just ask itchy or monk, I'm nowhere near like this in person
Niteowl: the dead silence after i say something, the avoidance of eye contact, me, surreptitiously bringing out a O'Brian paperback, then proceeding to read in the dull bar light
stresstwig: then he'll turn into a giggling schoolgirl who will have just discovered dirty words
itchy: i was surprised how normal everyone turned out to be
***ralph shudders, takes another valium

Not Helping

Niteowl: how is it i end up the punching bag so often!
ralph: you're squishy
Niteowl: well, yeah, but they are called LOVE handles, not hate handles
ralph: kind of weeble-like

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

lucky swag: can't decide how I feel about Heather Graham.
itchy: i'll decide for you ... you'd love to bang her
lucky swag: so that covers about 8 minutes.
lucky swag: would there be anything to talk about later?
stresstwig: 8?
itchy: you can cuddle
stresstwig: lightweight
lucky swag: 6.5. Fine.
lucky swag: I'll think about baseball.
stresstwig: yeah
stresstwig: with your audio pass
lucky swag: you think she likes baseball?
itchy: picture lucky banging heather graham with headphones on
lucky swag: that would cut it down to 3.5, though.
itchy: and a jersey
stresstwig: giant foam finger
lucky swag: MINUTE 4.5 through 5.25.
stresstwig: this has gone to a terrifying place
itchy: not yet
lucky swag: WHAT?! oh wait, I'll turn down these imaginary headphones.
ralph: does she take off the rollerskates?
lucky swag: you tell me.
lucky swag: this whole idea disgusts me.
lucky swag: perverts.
bigjimslade: almost...there...
stresstwig: jim gets off on swag not getting off
stresstwig: somehow, this was a predictable thing
Cyrano: imagine her in here Austin Powers go-go outfit. that should finish you up.
ralph: jake maggie gyllenhaal and her husband and a baby were at the coffee bar next to my house
lucky swag: balls, that ruined it.
lucky swag: gah
lucky swag: "and a baby"

Don't Let Her Hear You Say That

It's good to come back from lunch and have no new emails waiting for you
hmm, my spruce love spam bots must not be working
my spam filter is a jealous shrew


frohman well, my house in Porkton got robbed

Dignan Was this minecraft related?

frohman someone stole one of my bookshelves and replaced it with dirt

spruce haha. Robbed of what?

frohman it was funny
I had three shelves stacked up
they took the middle one and replaced it with a dirt block
like I wouldn't notice?

spruce I'd immediately suspect someone who just joined the community from MetaFilter, which I suppose is like being distrustful of the new immigrant family that moved in down the street

frohman so now my floor is made of gold and diamond blocks
we'll see how quickly those disappear
and when they do, the Frohman Detective Agency, Porkton Division, will open

spruce soon to become Boss Frohman, corrupt mayor of Porkton, in bed with the Mafia

Also, Lesbians

Busithoth ELWES was good in glory, too
i stopped watching after the first Saw. that guy needed a better hobby. WAY too much time on his hands

twig i'm not about the creative gore-- I appreciate the hamfisted plots
and complete ludicrousness of the narrative

Big Jim S. yeah I watch it as a bad movie, and with some appreciation for the work of the FX guys
or mockery, if apropos
I didn't watch "Lesbian Vampire Hunters" for the characterizations and the pathos


Dignan I just need a job where I'm not behind a desk all day. Maybe I should be a professional basketball player.

Like Roddy Roddy Piper

empslave stresstwig looks like it's just you and me, cheese.
alone in this terrifying jungle
we've gotta fight our way out.

cheesoning no problem.
I'm overweight but cagey.

Well, If Randy From Shipping & Receiving Says No

cheesoning thanks!
I brought donuts and coffee cake to work today
it was seriously about 3 lbs. of food

spruce for your own birthday?

cheesoning for $11.50.

tempslave stresstwig did you eat it all while staring down your coworkers

spruce going to have a lonely little celebration in the supply closet later?


spruce about to go give blood for the first time. These cookies I keep hearing about better be great!

liquidindian It's actual cookies.
It's not a metaphor.
Or slang.

Far Too Much Knowledge

GXG I found out that monkeys are super dangerous disease carriers right about the time that Friends came on
none of the episodes ended how they should've after that revelation
"The One Where the Monkey Goes Apeshit and Ignites the New York Plague of 1997"

spruce I would've been happy just seeing the monkey tear the skin off of Ross' face

GXG I think that could've been a two-parter
maybe some slow-mo footage while Green Day's Time of Your Life plays in the background

spruce perfect

liquidindian "Could my face BE any more disfigured?"

Everything is Amazing

Cyrano Went to the mid-eastrn' market yesterday.
Saw some burkah's.

Dignan Dropbox is probably the best computer application ever.
I just want to throw that out there.

Cyrano But I must consort with terrorist concubines if I want olive oil that doesn't taste like swill.

cheesoning finally able to sync all your porn?

Dignan ALL of it.

cheesoning that is amazing

Cyrano That he can sync all his anal gangbangs or that I'm on a watch-list because I know good oil doesn't come in gallon jugs at a Wal-Mart?

cheesoning yes.


Cyrano I bet the bobbing dude in the first photo only goes to work when he wants a break from talking about his job and getting laid:…

cheesoning has some outstanding photo spreads
I think it's the fact that they take advantage of the medium and use large, HD photos
(plus take great shots)

Cyrano I was going to credit The Irish Jews, but sure, we'll go with your thing.

Seuss, genocidal maniac

Niteowl ralph: guess which book i'm on "My god, my god, six hundred souls"
liquidindian House on Pooh Corner?
Niteowl close, very close
liquidindian Poo in the Corner of the House?
c. d. James Cameron's Titanic!
Big Jim S. a description of the cast party from my old theater group's production of The INfernal c. d.
Katya Hop On Pop?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Century Eggs

how do you even acquire balut
You go to chinatown. Go to the place with the knockoff purses. Then go into the backroom with the better knockoffs. Then go into another, more secret room, and get the balut.
Or just go to the Asian market and it's next to the 1000 year eggs.

Friday, October 8, 2010

At Least You Don't Have To Rub My Ankles

[MeFi] speakerwire : btw- nite- lunch for sure! next Tues sound good?
[OldF] Niteowl : ya!metamonk : too late speaker he's weeping.
[OldF] Niteowl : i've already written some pretty
[OldF] Niteowl : scurrilious posts about you on my blog, man
ralph : no srsly you're entering a land of such emotional fragility you'll think you're an expectant father.
[OldF] Niteowl : HAh

Loki In A Mask, There, Did It.

no drinking theaters in NYC
most of Northeast, for that matter
boggles my mind
most entrepeneurial idea i've ever had is opening some up
c. d.    
yeah, it's a seriously obvious concept
movies stop insulting your intelligence when you're buzzed
lemme tell you, hot tub time machine was the best movie I'd ever seen after like 2 gallons of beer
I laughed non-stop in the front row when I went drunk to see The Mask alone
tried to get Vrakatar, others to go to the next showing, but when they asked what it was about, I couldn't tell them ANYTHING

They Don't Really Make Candles For That

sup suckas!
God loves, Kathy murders
Cyrano     is it time for the annual recreation abortion already?

I'm Just Bitter Because You Gave Me A Mental Picture. A Horrible One.

Big Jim S.     
nah I'm also bitter because places like Techcrunch and other media outlets that shat all over us are slurping the underside of Jobs' wang over this stuff.

Disgustingly Drunk

Damnit, that bloody whisky article is everywhere.
The pun I suggested to Duncan - "A wee dram" - was cut for headline length.
I think the bloody whiskey is made by a family with kidney problems

Distasteful but True

I gather it's not unusual for presidents to look a lot worse after they leave office.
yeah, I think it's standard
Kennedy is probably the best example.


I also have a thick luxuriant Arafat beard.
Which is going today.spruce    
be sure to save it in a scrapbook
or weave it into a coaster.

Vespene, I Assume?

..I swear if they're talking about Starcraft already...
Oh, look, people!
We need a starcraft room.
liquidindian     Which would then be sealed/
And filled with gas.

A Real Gamer Woulda Cited Peggle

I love how if you're well-placed enough, you'll always land on your feet, no matter what you do.
the problem with our society is no one ever fades away anymore
fuck up your career, don't worry, you can be on dancing with the stars
pay hookers to shit on you? have a talk show
yeah, it's like a slow motion plinko game where you keep going down, but very slowly and not in a straight line

Cool Has A Short Shelf Life

There was a guy in Saudi back in the 80's who had a Trans Am with "Knight Ridder" written across the back window.
It was awesome.
Like the Batmachemobile, only oblivious and Arab.
sadly, that sentence is too long for a tat.

Prolly Reuse The Box Too. The Cardboard One. Actually...

wow porn food would be awful
"leftover potato salad from the shooting of Nymphets 4"
Exactly...nobody wants that.
I would think the most common would be cold pizza
though the pizza delivery guy probably just has an empty box, now that I think about it
unless he's method

When You Can't Be Bothered With Wikipedia

what is Rhode Island's primary food crop?
art school graduates
cream-filled oysters
lobstah corn berries cod ice cream
funny accents

And You're The Poorer Man For It

Huh. Nigella is famous over there?
she's the unhygeinic chef, right
who is supposed to be sexy because she's always licking her fingers right
You're almost right.
Remove the words 'supposed to be'.
I like food and I like porn but I do not mix them

Figuratively, figuratively

Faux R.    the shot of him going from ladder to top of the tower put my balls and my heart within 3 inches of each other
cheesoning    wow - stretchy sack!

Like Steve Martin

frognuts    (can we get away with accidentally forgetting to invite murder-spruce to the meetup?)
spruce    You obviously haven't seen my character Wily Old Jeff-Joe, the yarn-spinning, banjo-playing prospector which I break out at these meetups.
it's a treat worth the risk of violent murder


Faux R.    the end of an era
y'all made me a misanthrope
i am gonna block the POTW thread
you guys and your hatred of man have beaten me
Katya    now you are a man
c. d.    yay!
Niteowl    YAY!
how'd you become a misanthrope? we've been ntohing but popcorn, marigolds and blowjobs over here


cheesoning    wow - haven't seen you in forever.
whaddya workin or somethign?
Sir Twig Shropshire    usually
not today
technically working.
cheesoning    attaboy

There's Just So Much Less Typing, is all.

frohman    I always lose a little respect for people when they start writing stuff for children
TMBG, steve martin, terry pratchett
Katya    dr seuss
frohman    shel silverstein
Katya    marquis de sade
frohman    that dude used to write some supremely dirty shit
frognuts    Dan Brown.
frohman    and then he want all weepy over a fucking tree
frognuts    is it brown? shot, i forgot that guys name
c. d.    Maurice Sendak. what a perv.
Ian Fleming
frohman    Hugh HefnerNiteowl    Charles Manson
frohman    Playboy for Kids is just lame
Sir Twig Shropshire    joyce.
Niteowl    The Economist