Friday, July 31, 2009


Katya: i think your wife is hotter than her too
Katya: way hotter, and more sensual
Katya: she knows the right way to treat a lover
cheesoning: thanks!
cheesoning: woo!
Katya: how to find the right spots, how to use the tongue just right, how to make them feel better when they get taken off a jury
cheesoning: I gotta get kicked off a jury!!
seerano: I'm going to need another fifteen minutes...


ralph: comment to the Most interesting man in the world dos equis ad on youtube
ralph: TetsuoK (1 week ago)
I love the subtle undertones of? hyena afterbirth found in Dos Equis. The effervescent bubbles remind me of the lukewarm spent fingerbowl found at a rib restaurant. And that sweet draw of a return tank on a rug steam provides it with a wonderful finish. Mmm. I'm thirsty already

seerano: I love how you're surfing an entirely different internet from the rest of us, ra.
spruce: meta, reading youtube comments is like doing a shot of heroin from a needle you found in a dumpster
Niteowl: needle you found in a dumpster? why would you specify, like you can get a needle any other way
betaray: My school gave me a big bag of them
lickyitch: sometimes they're laying beside the dumpster
spruce: well you could pluck it from a dead junkie's arm
ralph: LOL FAGTH
betaray: so I could practice shooting up
ralph: whoops.
lickyitch: whoops? ha ... who was that for?
spruce: ... though the junkie has a good chance of resting in a dumpster
cheesoning: found one in the alley by my church with a crack pipe
cheesoning: no shit
lickyitch: now that's dedication
lickyitch: and coordination
spruce: how was the padre's sermon that day?
cheesoning: it was by dumpsters
betaray: I just steal this guy's spark plug when I want a crack pipe:
lickyitch: and a young boy
spruce: was there a lot of mention of ants crawling over his skin?
cheesoning: couldn't tell you. I was pretty smacked up.

Child At Heart

cheesoning: keep calling her mudflapz over voice
cheesoning: that'll fix her wagon
lickyitch: and call her sir
cheesoning: (so it's on record, I'm not above being petty)
spruce: does she speak in a squeaky little voice that makes her sound like a seven year old boy?
lickyitch: look son ...
lickyitch: (because spruce is into that kind of thing)

Candy Bowls

stresstwig: you know, if there's one thing i think i would probably get into a fight with my younger self if i were to go back in time, is that kit kats are delicious
Niteowl: they are not?
stresstwig: no they totally are
stresstwig: but my kid self wouldn't think so
Cyrano: your kid self was a fucktard.
bigjimslade: agreed
bigjimslade: he needs a kick in the junk
stresstwig: and then like there would be a scene where i dangle him by his ankle off a bridge until he admits it
stresstwig: and then his dad wouldn't be able to go watch his soccer game
stresstwig: so i would go instead
Cyrano: kit kats and snickers are where it's at, man.
stresstwig: with a disguise
Cyrano: that's how the admins at work bribe me with their candy bowls.
Cyrano: CODE?


Niteowl: bigjimslade: oh, he's not QA
Niteowl: he's a ..something something, sports commentary producer something
Cyrano: so imagine spending your day plumbing the nuances of "Oh! That's gotta hurt!"
Niteowl: i kinda drifted off when he said 'sports'
Cyrano: I assumed as much.
Niteowl: kinda like how you drift off when a woman says, 'oh, i dont' accept drinks from strangers that have possibly or likely been laced with rohypnol'


Cyrano: so, who wants to be scarred for life?
bigjimslade: OH ME ME ME
bigjimslade: j/k *not clicking*
stresstwig: i kind of would have thought they'd give gene simmons a different costume for a movie
Cyrano: Well, I just game you John Stamos, Gene Simons in women's heels and Vanity.
Cyrano: So knock yourself out.
Cyrano: That's a great stoner movie.
Cyrano: I bought it on ebay.
Cyrano: I don't even remember why.
stresstwig: also how he doesn't notice the helicopter
Cyrano: Which tracks nicely with a stoner phase in one's life, really.
stresstwig: what was that computer briefcase at the end
stresstwig: is that some sort of transexual super device
Cyrano: i think Gene Simmons was trying to poison the LA water supply.
Cyrano: by being the charismatic transvestite leader of a gang.
stresstwig: better than the ears and minds of our children, amirite
Cyrano: as one is wont to do.
stresstwig: yeah. when i walk home after work i have to be careful. sometimes i end up the charismatic transvestite leader of 10, maybe 20 gangs
stresstwig: but i mean, with an ass like this
Cyrano: true dat.
stresstwig: like i'm not gonna strut my stuff.
betaray: not to mention the gold lame corset
stresstwig: the corset is hardly lame, beta.
betaray: I knew I should have put in the accent do avoid that lame joke....
Cyrano: I think that's actually his most manly outfit of the movie.
Cyrano: Wait, there's a scene where he's dressed in 80's era army fatigues. With a 44 pistol tucked into his belt.
Cyrano: Because he's in *disguise*
betaray: ahh
Cyrano: With a big bushy old-style GI Joe beard.
betaray: I like how she's sniping with the silenced 44
Cyrano: Pretty much looking exactly how I pictured ralph until I met him.

Well, 'Rock'

ralph: I think this is Narnia
Niteowl: see that oval building left, uppish?
Niteowl: then look .. oh wait, i'm out of shot
Niteowl: left to that is the financial services building, above that is where i work
stresstwig: i just got creeped out
ralph: Back to the mission stress. You have the coordinates.
stresstwig: yeah but
stresstwig: what if i accidentally kill aslan
stresstwig: an upside down lawnmower axe copter is by no means accurate
Niteowl: then you'll subject the lands to hundreds of years of terrible, TERRIBLE 'contemporary' music.
ralph: we'll say that the airstrike accidentally interrupted 325 separate manslaughters


ralph: I would like to remind you all that I am part foreign and can therefore get away with one less button. And that I was out that night with like five guys carrying sunglasses, so nobody noticed me.
Niteowl: you can say yer foreign but come on, business school, law school, sitting on 'boards'? yer 110% WASP, my friend.
stresstwig: niteowl just doesn't understand how to deal with chest hair
stresstwig: namely, by letting it all hang out
Niteowl: i had a chest hair once, then i sneezed
bigjimslade: while yes it is true that as part of a swarthy ethnic minority you do get to have an extra button undone, you have to accept the consequence that it also counts as triple the douchebag points of a Caucasian doing the same
Niteowl: zactly
ralph: douche´


gordonfrohman entered the room.
gordonfrohman: sup gringos
Niteowl: yo dickchease
Niteowl: dambnit
Niteowl: DAMNIT
bigjimslade: type with your fingers, not your elbows
spruce: cheese-faced bitch
spruce: try that

The Married Man's Mind

macrame: torture
macrame: wishing i had made better use of my penis in my 20s
stresstwig: aw man don't say things like that
stresstwig: pretty soon i'm gonna be telling my girlfriend that it's macrames fault
macrame: and what is that exactly?
stresstwig: [10:57] macrame: wishing i had made better use of my penis in my 20s
macrame: oh yeah ... use it nonstop ... seriously
stresstwig: hahaha
macrame: you know the saying ... "better to regret what you did ... yada yada"
macrame: (i'm kidding mostly of course)
stresstwig: oh no, i know
macrame: there just needs to be a better dress code on the train
macrame: potato sacks or something

Thursday, July 30, 2009


cheesoning: slightly NSFDWDCTLAODJ
betaray: ?
cheesoning: not safe for dudes who do not care to look at other dude's junk.
cheesoning: (just made that up)
betaray: you mean, jmtu
stresstwig: not safe for dudes with dads carrying ten ladles all on double jamesons
cheesoning: jmtu?
betaray: not safe for dongles with dual controlled twin liberated autoclaves or donkey junk
betaray: too long?

Kings of Cyrodrill

Katya: oh so i have to say, the dark brotherhood quests are cool
Katya: im on my second quest giver for it
stresstwig: those are definitely my favorite
stresstwig: just wait til you get to the third quest where you have to watch barbershop and barbershop 2
stresstwig: that quest is hard
Katya: but full of homespun wisdom
Katya: in the end
stresstwig: yeah
stresstwig: it brings the community together
Katya: full of oral history
Katya: and cedric the entertainer


fauxreal: holy shit
fauxreal: abs offered me admin for the public
fauxreal: that is a mistake
cheesoning: I stabbed a guy with a trident.
fauxreal: computers scare me
cheesoning: you should ban abs.
liquidindian: BLOW ME ABS
fauxreal: some of the people here have met me
stresstwig: somebody probably nominated you
stresstwig: they are going to pour pigs blood on you when you accept
stresstwig: then you will light everybody on fire with your mind
Cyrano: they were going to do it anyway, now they just have a reason.


fauxreal: WHAT THE FUK
ralph: yes please. Allcaps and start with "SO"
fauxreal: AND THEY HATE ME
ralph: you fucking serious
stresstwig: what happened at laguardia
stresstwig: and your flight was today, right?
stresstwig: did you miss it?
stresstwig: what?
fauxreal: YEAH
stresstwig: yeah
fauxreal: IT IS THE BEST
fauxreal: tell me cyrano
Cyrano: hot dogs.


gordonfrohman: sup boners
bigjimslade: hola cockmunch
spruce: heyo
Cyrano: sanity arrives.
Cyrano: or sarcasm.
Cyrano: i'll take either one at this point.
stresstwig: hey there potato dick.
gordonfrohman: my dick is surprisingly potato-like
gordonfrohman: generally covered with dirt and great with melted butter
spruce: multiple 'eyes'?
Cyrano: takes over an hour to get ready?
bigjimslade: need to wrap it in a bunch of tinfoil to get it ready
spruce: usually found stuck in the dirt?
Cyrano: worshiped by the Irish?
Niteowl: mashed and drenched in butter and salt then eaten by spinsters in a fit of pity and despair while watching another Sex and the City Marathon?

Emerald Isles

spruce: though I suspect my non-drinking ways will keep me from getting the full Ireland experience.
Niteowl: you don't drink?
spruce: no
Niteowl: but yer an artist!!
Cyrano: do you like throwing molotovs at Protestants?
Cyrano: that might make up for it.
spruce: I smoke opium! That's pretty classic.
spruce: It's hard to find a good opium den these days, so my dissolution has been pretty slow.
liquidindian: Oh, abortion is illegal.
liquidindian: So be careful.
spruce: and blasphemy, right?
spruce: God-damn it you filthy, Mick, I want this embryo vapourised this instant!
bigjimslade: yes...yes...antagonize us Irish...good call


Cyrano: i have a friend who goes to ireland every year.
Cyrano: seems to like it.
spruce: I'm still not entirely sure why my wife and I fixated on it as the next place for us to go.
Niteowl: so i preordered scribblenauts
Niteowl: i expect my funny hat soon
stresstwig: i expect pictures
Cyrano: of funny hats or Ireland?
stresstwig: yes

It's Not the Olive Garden, Y'Know

spruce: $678 for a ticket to Dublin. Not bad.
Cyrano: yeah, but how much do they charge you to come back?
Cyrano: that's where they get ya.
Cyrano: that and filling up on bread

Why We Game

stresstwig: also, what: "The King of Fighters XII is here, helping bring some serious arcade action to home consoles. Unfortunately, it doesn't have much going for it outside of some pretty artwork and solid play mechanics."
stresstwig: what the hell do you play a video game for then
Cyrano: to keep the howling darkness at bay?
stresstwig: well excuse me sherlock
Cyrano: because I can't be drunk *all* the time?
spruce: stress, I think what the reviewer is trying to say is that the bewbs aren't as lovingly rendered as they usually are in modern console games.
spruce: "Sure they jiggle, but where's the HEAVING?"

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Extracurricular Activities.

chundo: i'm gonna go swimming
cheesoning: have fun, chundo!
spruce: this is what you're leaving tf2 for? Swimming? That's so outmoded.
chundo: it's more like wading, actually
chundo: we have a kiddie pool on the deck
Niteowl: so
Niteowl: no TF2, to go wading in kiddie pool?
Niteowl: just to be clear?
chundo: with BEER
Niteowl: you should lead with that next time
chundo: speaking of which i need to re-ice the deck cooler
spruce: I'm going to go play some jacks...
spruce: WITH PCP
Cyrano: I'm going to go home.
Cyrano left the room (Disconnected).
spruce left the room.
chundo left the room.
bigjimslade: I'm going to play hide the salami
bigjimslade: WITH CHEESE'S MOM
bigjimslade left the room.
cheesoning: wtf
cheesoning: I'm gonna set my mom up with a machete one of these days.
cheesoning: so she can go all Lorena Bobbitt on BJS.
Niteowl: your anger won't stop their love, cheesoning
cheesoning: no, but the machete might slow it down a bit

Tell me about your Motherboard.

chundo: i need gaming therapy!
stresstwig: alright chundo we're gonna start out with some pong
stresstwig: how does the other paddle make you feel
chundo: wait, is that where i pay to play video games?
Cyrano: it's like an arcade. Where Joust costs $300 a play.
betaray: so when are we going to move into a mmo where we can all be carebears?
stresstwig: i call funshine bear

Tell me about your Motherboard.

chundo: i need gaming therapy!
stresstwig: alright chundo we're gonna start out with some pong
stresstwig: how does the other paddle make you feel
chundo: wait, is that where i pay to play video games?
Cyrano: it's like an arcade. Where Joust costs $300 a play.
betaray: so when are we going to move into a mmo where we can all be carebears?
stresstwig: i call funshine bear

Bubble Bubble, Boil and Trouble

cheesoning: I took an economics class in college and got a C. I had a hard time getting past "don't spend more than you make"
cheesoning: Economics, to me, is simply complicating that principle.
cheesoning: for profit.
ralph: economics is like the witch advising Alan Rickman in the late 80's version of Robin Hood.
ralph: mystical, wrong, controlling, malevolent
ralph: also, dies before the Bryan Adams song.
Niteowl: never a good idea
Niteowl: but then, Morgan Freeman is a bit of a dick
spruce: everything she did, she did it for Alan Rickman
ralph: "You smell like a Christian" is an actual insult in the middle east
bigjimslade: handy to know
spruce: damned saracens

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Target Market

ralph: somebody please explain to me why Oakley is still in business? everything they make except for two pairs of shades is utter plastic crap
stresstwig: ralph: oakley has the same target market that think oakleys are the shit
cheesoning: they sell TONS of goggles
ralph: oh. The Douche Segment.
stresstwig: yep.
ralph: actually the goggles aren't bad
Niteowl: a massive and burgeoning market segment
cheesoning: motorcyclists, skiers, etc.
ralph: jet-skiiers
ralph: guys who like to be called Steverino
cheesoning: aerodynamics testers
Niteowl: HEY HEY HEY Monkerino!
cheesoning: that guy who takes a cannon ball to the gut in the 50s
ralph: guys who drink mountain dew for reasons other than the taste.
Niteowl: guys who don't get irony
stresstwig: guys who eat zinc lozenges
Niteowl: guys who think that Axe totally works
Niteowl: guys who buy beer hoping that beer commercial complete with scantily clad supermodels will burst forth
Niteowl: guys who buy the Sport package for their Tracker
bigjimslade: guys who think going to PAX is a fun trip
Niteowl: guys who wait in a party, coat on, hoping for someone to say 'what is that material', to which he could say, in the most off-handed and practiced nonchalant way, 'camel-hair'
Niteowl: guys who are the youngest, by about 30 years, members of their local Elk Club
bigjimslade: guy swho buy tan-in-a-bottle, and wear white shirts with maybe one button buttoned out to a club
chundo left the room.
bigjimslade: oh, sorry, I think I hurt chundo's feelings


ralph: probably why I'm not rich
cheesoning: I think being rich is overrated
ralph: oh yeah. But watching people make fortunes while still being, uh, less than talented has a cumulative effect.
Niteowl: that's your problem
Niteowl: stop hanging out rich ppl
Niteowl: hang out with regular old middle class, and feel like the fucking Shah
ralph: they don't like my top hat and monocle
ralph: I keep explaining: they are merely implied, not actual
Niteowl: and THAT"S when you look down your nose at them
Niteowl: then they actually knock your tophat off, and your monocle pops out
ralph: [retainer voice] Guyth why'd you do that?

Father Donnely? He's in Construction.

cheesoning: did they go to Notre Dame, by chance?
cheesoning: no slight on ND, even, but I've seen miraculous hiring stuff happen with a connection to that school
ralph: larger catholic mafia

Father Donnely? He's in Construction.

cheesoning: did they go to Notre Dame, by chance?
cheesoning: no slight on ND, even, but I've seen miraculous hiring stuff happen with a connection to that school
ralph: larger catholic mafia

Poetic Justice

Cyrano: improperly labeled goats is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, too.
cheesoning: well, I think I tweaked the rib by leaning over some boxes to grab some camping gear. My stupid fat gut kept me from reaching it, so I reached harder.
cheesoning: no injury right away, but it did hurt a little
cheesoning: then, two days later, I blew my nose and suddenly felt a searing pain in my side
itchy: ouch
cheesoning: doc asked me if it was a "world class nose blow"
stresstwig: did you hit him in the face with your trophy?