Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Toothpick, gel, sunglasses, CHECK!

-thinks cocktail waitresses really like his unending advances
-has been to 37 sexual harassment seminars. Hates them 'cuz all the chicks are fugly, man'.
-has never eaten a spaghetti that he's approved of, ever since his 1week visit to Italy in highschool.
-sends back beer regularly.

Brainstorming

metamonk photo of Luke.  She can visualize him now.
metamonk so can we all.
Niteowl omg link
***bigjimslade opens up photoshop
metamonk http://www.genesiscreations.biz/i/luke_halpin_picture02.jpg
bigjimslade No!
bigjimslade that's so not him.  It can't be.  It's too perfect
metamonk It is perfect, it is not him
betaray oh em gee, does he have a van with a rad mural air-brushed on the side?
metamonk it is a pretty good picture of niteowl's voice
Niteowl hey now
metamonk Niteowl like to be called "Steverino"
metamonk Niteowl identifies with Ron Johnson in "Fast TImes"
metamonk Niteowl is getting his real estate license to sell timeshares
gordonfrohman Niteowl keeps a comb in his back pocket
gordonfrohman man. think I used to do that
gordonfrohman Niteowl wears his class ring well into his 60's
Niteowl you are all cruel, cruel, human beings
Niteowl but especially the towelhead with dreams of waspishness
Niteowl and i guess this means i'll just have to add more SMOOVE to my vocalizing on teh microphones
metamonk the back seat floor of Niteowl's Rx7 is littered with flyers for tanning salons
Niteowl why would it be? i only go to on-- WAAIT A SECOND
metamonk  Niteowl likes to tell waitresses at hooters that he's from the "pre-condom" era
gordonfrohman Niteowl wears Brut
metamonk he upgraded from Hai Karate
gordonfrohman Niteowl has a red leather jacket
Niteowl i think i liked it better when i wrote 2000 words in here without anyone responding
bigjimslade Niteowl has four gold chains he always wears.
gordonfrohman Niteowl calls coffee "java"
bigjimslade Niteowl shoots finger guns when saying "Catch ya later!"
metamonk Niteowl believes that every time "Mony Mony" comes on, it's your party duty to yell "Get laid, get f*cked" at the appropriate moment
Niteowl it isn't?
metamonk bigjim, uh, finger guns are redundant, he likes being called "Steverino"
bigjimslade Just making sure they were spelled out
Niteowl the best part about doing that bit is my gold chains glitter ever so prettily
metamonk drug of choice?  Poppers.  Amyl nitrate, baby.  Best thing since whip-its.
gordonfrohman Niteowl woulda totally gone pro football if he hadn't blown out his knee in high school
bigjimslade Niteowl's belt buckle can also be used as a serving tray.
Niteowl bitch coach totally benched me when he knew i coulda taken us to State.
metamonk His drink ?  Drambuie and Kahlua.  Reminds him of Cabo.
Niteowl Honey and Bailey's will do in a pinch
gordonfrohman Niteowl wears speed netted slingshot briefs
gordonfrohman speedo
bigjimslade Niteowl has a backup fruity drink and uses the phrase "in a pinch"
metamonk favorite tv show?  Simon & Simon.  It never got better than that.
Katya except Riptide
bigjimslade yeah man, Riptide
bigjimslade they had a chopper
Katya and a robot
Niteowl that robot was totally autonomous, you know
Niteowl big military shut them down
Katya and a boat
Katya so FUCK YOU SIMON and SCREW OFF SIMON
gordonfrohman Niteowl has a lighter he got from his old man before he dropped dead of a heart attack at 52 while on a business trip selling insurance who he will nearly choke up with tears talking about if you get him really drunk
Niteowl *sniff* it's nothing man. nothing. i .. stupid lighter is kinda leaky, gets me to tear up and shit.
Niteowl fucking old man
gordonfrohman Niteowl doesn't have any problem with queers as long as they don't try pulling any of that queer shit on him
Niteowl hey man, live and c'est la vie and shit. As long as they don't go all fruity on me. I can't help it if these levis fit so snug!
bigjimslade Niteowl doesn't drive any car that isn't a convertible.
Niteowl when you got af ull head of hair like mine, you can't help but let the freedom of teh road blow through it, you know what i mean jim?
bigjimslade Niteowl has no fewer than eleven pairs of snakeskin boots.
metamonk Nitwoel started saying "No Worries" after "Crocodile Dundee" came out
Niteowl NO WORRIES! i got lots of boots! THROW ONE ON THE BARBIE!
metamonk frohman just took this to a whole new level
Niteowl you mean, to the same old level
metamonk After the old man kicked, Niteowl felt kinda low, started wondering what it;'s all about, y'know?  Then he went though the guy's stuff and got back on the road.
Niteowl he had some really old Brut, still smells good. also figured out I'm man enought to start wearing The Old Spice, ya know? At some poitn, you gotta grow up
Katya Niteowl doesn't sow wild oats, he sows wild steaks. 
Niteowl oats are for pussies, that's for sure
betaray Niteowl claims he has a blackbelt in karate, which he pronounces ka-rah-tay
Niteowl i've learned to keep my peace, betaray, but you make fun of my arts again, and i'll KICK YOUR ASS MAN
betaray Niteowl calls his left hand, "the peacemaker"
Katya Niteowl calls his right hand, "the piecetaker"
Niteowl don't forget the feet
Katya I'm too virginal to even discuss them
metamonk he calls the single mom he's chasing " a fine piece"
metamonk usually waits until the fifth bang to have the STD convo
metamonk which concludes with an ass-slap and a "so we're cool baby?"
Niteowl they usually are
metamonk after that point, he'll refer to them as "my lady"
metamonk Day:  flip-flops.  night: tasseled loafers.
Niteowl i got athletes foot
Niteowl because i used to play football in highschool
Niteowl until that bitch coach pulled me
metamonk coach was a dick, totally not ready to coach at the Central California Desert HS conference level
Niteowl now my old man
Niteowl he knew how to coach
metamonk If he'd been around past your fourth birthday, you coulda gone Arena pro.
gordonfrohman Niteowl's favorite thing to say at work is "We havin' fun yet?"
bigjimslade Nightowl names his dick "Big Steve"
gordonfrohman Niteowl likes to talk about that threeway he had back at technical college but it was really just him getting a handjob while his girlfriend's roommate was asleep in the same room
Niteowl you could tell she was into it though
metamonk Military?  You bet.  Coast Guard auxiliary.  
Niteowl i don't like to call myself a hero, even if i am
metamonk he's intimidated.
Niteowl don't be man, i can show you some Karatay moves
Niteowl right metamonkerino?
***Niteowl shoots fingers
metamonk all-RIGHT, chief!
Niteowl man, we having fun yet?
metamonk you know it, big dog
metamonk where
Niteowl hey hey, no need to get all 'urban' on me chief
metamonk 'd that little katya go?  heard some mighty fine things about her
Katya Niteowl doesn't actually own any good running shoes.  Because, much like the colors of his flag, he don't run. 
Niteowl you bet. these colors, they DON"T run. or cut and run. 
Niteowl i have cleats though, for when i almost made state in highschool
metamonk Niteowl spends a lot of time on the municipal golf course, playing best-ball skins Nassau with limited criers and whiners.  You know, just to keep it interesting.
metamonk His golf shoes are a gleaming white.  His "slacks", black.
Katya His drives, disemboweling
Niteowl i dont' got slacks monk. that's kinda fruity. yer not a fruit are you? black jeans. they don't run.
gordonfrohman Niteowl has a lucky coin, a lucky rabbit's root, a lucky shirt, a lucky medallion, a lucky cologne, a lucky set of sheets, and a lucky pen.
metamonk they all smell like his cologne, and fail.
Katya and a three legged dog, named Lucky
gordonfrohman Niteowl can play a little harmonica.
metamonk RIGHT.  Favorite album, after the entire Glenn Frey oeurvre, is "The Return of Bruno."
Niteowl i can only respond so fast you bastards
Katya Niteowl can only respond so fast.  He responds in his own good time. 
Niteowl they don't smell like cologne, you queer. they smell like Brut.
metamonk Niteowl doesn't mind the queers. They know he's a real man and keep their distance.
Niteowl real heroes like me dont' have to worry abotu queers, they know i'll kick their ass if they come close. so close. ever so close.
Niteowl with their fruity haircuts and soft skin
metamonk Niteowl's steering wheel is oddly greasy.
Niteowl it's not grease monk, it's leather treatment, you gotta treat your trans am right, and it'll treat you right.
Niteowl not that you'd know anything about that, being a fruity city guy and all
gordonfrohman Niteowl knows how to smooth things over when his old lady is pissed. Dinner at Olive Garden.
metamonk which is awesome, 'cause she gets off shift and doesn't have to go outside.
Katya White Zinfandel brings the pink. 
Niteowl we usually share a breadsticks. it's cool, it's the thoguth that counts
gordonfrohman Niteowl buys his old lady lingerie and a heart-shaped box of chocolates every year for her birthday
metamonk the same ones.
betaray The only art Niteowl likes is nudes on crushed velvet
Niteowl if i can see tit, it ain't art, y'know/ the ancient greeks had it right
gordonfrohman Niteowl is really good at barbequeing, but not as good as he thinks
Niteowl i had an offer from KFC for my BBQ recipe, i turned them down
gordonfrohman Niteowl sometimes wonders if he'd be happer if he'd been born a woman
Niteowl they just seem so happy, you know, at peace
Niteowl all barefoot and pregnant, or waitressing
Katya haha
Katya serving the tv dinners you enjoy so much. 
gordonfrohman One of Niteowl's girlfriend's once stuck her finger up his ass and he secretly worries if enjoying it makes him gay
Niteowl it doesn't, right?
Niteowl it's not like i asked her to do it again
Katya Takes an entire hand. 
gordonfrohman Niteowl can't talk about his high school days without shouting GO FIGHTIN' COUGARS!!! and demanding a high-five from someone nearby
Niteowl it's called pride, gordonfrohman. GO FIGHTING COUGARS! YEAH! 
Niteowl anyone?
gordonfrohman Niteowl once strangled a drifter and left him to rot in a drainage ditch, then went home and masturbated while weeping
gordonfrohman am I going too deep?  I'm going too deep
Niteowl fucking drifters aren't americans
metamonk crysturbating is awesome
metamonk left the room.
betaray Niteowl always cries at the end of Smokey and the Bandit. Incidentally, he's also generally masturbating.
Niteowl hot cars make me hot man, there's nothing gay about that
Niteowl also, that monkey
gordonfrohman Niteowl has a scar on his chin he says was from when a couple black guys jumped him outside the Dairy Queen, but it's really from trying to do a handstand on a diving board and slipping at Jessie Millers sweet sixteen party
gordonfrohman this would be a fun book
gordonfrohman or website
gordonfrohman put up pictures of people, and have other people invent little stories for them
Niteowl best website ever
Katya there may actually be something like that
Niteowl we're starting one, damnit
Niteowl gimme yer google ids
Niteowl NOW
Niteowl i got ratherdepressing.blogger.com