Monday, April 12, 2010

Haz Grammar!?

herrdoktor: er, I HAD AN AWESOME DAY
betaray: regale us with tales of awesomeness
bigjimslade: the first one sounded much more internet

Worst Cover Up Ever.

cheesoning: is he married to Sarah Jessica Parker?
cheesoning: because I'd pin it on that.
niteowl: nothing wrong with having amoruous relations with horses, cheesoning
cheesoning: re-read what you just wrote.
niteowl: i mean, if she has kicky shoes

Oohhh Kettle Corn!

niteowl: oh stresstwig
niteowl: you promised to make veiled posts about TQ without naming the game
stresstwig: no I didn't
stresstwig: you said "we should make veiled posts about tq without naming the game"
stresstwig: and I chuckled
niteowl: then you said, 'i'm so gonna do it'
stresstwig: i don't know how binding contracts work where you're from, BUT A CHUCKLE AINT A YES
JDHarper - Laptop: it's the Canadian Chuckle Clause
ralph: no, no it isn't
ralph: unless you're a bystander at a group rape
stresstwig: civil war de-enactments
stresstwig: all spears all the time
stresstwig: hot hot hot
stresstwig: sunday, sunday, sunday
stresstwig: free towels to the first 200 visitors

It's All Part And Parcel of Ralphness

ralph: can't sign in right now
ralph: in windows environment
ralph: must switch to ms-dos, using pine
***niteowl punches ralph with an autoexec.bat file
niteowl: ffs why do you have to be so difficult

John Lennon Style

JDHarper: it seems like the Venn diagram between "Christian school teacher" and "watchmen fans" would be like a pair of eye glasses

Someone Just Mention A D20 And We Can Call It A Wrap

KatyaInDaPartyRoom: faux
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: stress and i were talking..
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: i think we shouldn't let chundo play pantheon anymore unless he buys the he-man skin
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: it'll work if we have solidarity
Faux Real: ok
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: do we have your steel, stress?
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: we have faux's axe
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: and my bow
stresstwig: i've got a spatula
stresstwig: but that's all I can really give up right now
Faux Real: i have a fish
Niteowl: i have a inexplicably salted macaroon
spruce: I have orange pulp on my fingers
stresstwig: i've got a twelve sided die

Trash Talk Amongst The Polite and Courteous

liquidindian: I'm like that bloke in Hellraiser.
itchy: the guy that gets killed at 1:34?
liquidindian: Um.
liquidindian: I've never seen it.
itchy: that's 00:01:34
itchy: i was just implying that you die quickly sir
liquidindian: Oh.
liquidindian: :(

Wait, You Mean We'll Be Intolerable?

ralph: last meetup was a drunken sloppy make ass of yourself weekend
JDHarper: this year, suits and ties
ralph: until 11, in the case of the eminently reasonable and sane harp
spruce: the drunken slop-mess is the main reason I'm leaning towards not bringing wife. She's a delicate flower and I wouldn't expect her to enjoy the inebriated antics of people she doesn't know.
ralph: flowers like shit
ralph: right, it's tiresome boyzone, but if you're drunk, it's tolerable
ralph: I will not be drunk
ralph: (training)

If You Must Know, Machete Jackson Is A Very Caring And Attentive Lover

JDHarper: I remember taking the subway last time, which took much longer than I expected it to
JDHarper: from JFK
Niteowl: man, taking a real NYC subway... i'm not sure i'm up to the task
ralph: oh for chrissake niteowl, you're 6'5" 240, who's gonna fuck with you
Niteowl: uhm
Niteowl: what.
Niteowl: i'm 200 5'8", mostly quivering man boob
ralph: oh my god you're gonna get killed
ralph: hire Angela Bassett
cheesoning: I think he might take a lover!
cheesoning: right there on the subway

What Part Of "Canadian" Did You Not Understand?

Niteowl: wait, ralph, so if your gf is making brownies, no on else can?
Niteowl: does that mean i'll have to sit around, being awkward, trying to get eye contact with someone so i can splutter about in the closest facsimile to conversation I can muster?
Niteowl: that's just cruel
bigjimslade: I'll bring my wife then
bigjimslade: she's even more socially intimidating than I am
bigjimslade: you'll love her

I'll Work On The 'Burns

Niteowl: huh, so brooklyn is FIVE TIMES larger than vancouver, yikes
Niteowl: is it ok to walk around and gawp, ralph?
Cyrano: It's walk to ralph's also the Brooklyn Hasidic Jew Walking Tour.
Cyrano: If you're into tacit disapproval it's a blast.


Niteowl: yeah, but greens himself making it only on the 31st is confirmed
Niteowl: that's enough ducks for a goose,as they say
bigjimslade: who the fuck is "they" and why would they say that
Niteowl: dunno
Niteowl: but if you have a line, then two in a rope and a cleaver won't do it, as they say


stresstwig: went well
stresstwig: it's always easier when everybody around me has the worst material ever thought of
stresstwig: the guy before me did things about tiger woods sexting
stresstwig: which, in summary, was reading the sexts of tiger woods
stresstwig: twice
Faux Real: hello my friends
Faux Real: i am here to talk about airplane food
Faux Real: you can relate
ralph: what is the deal with that?
Faux Real: as you have been on a plane
stresstwig: the guy after me talked about how he smeared poop on his elementary school bully's bicycle
stresstwig: in this way, my set was a diamond
itchy: sounds more like a support group
ralph: or a piece of corn, undigested
Faux Real: a turd in the rough

The COUCH, People. Sheesh.

herrdoktor: where will people be staying?
Niteowl: i'm staying on busi's floor
Niteowl: or if i shave right, and get the right falsetto going, somewhere more comfoortable
itchy: ew

Sunday, April 11, 2010

You Go To Your Strengths

ralph: wtf?
ralph:you implying that I reciprocate niteowl's advances?
ralph: you should be rape counsellors
cheesoning: I said you'd stare at each other. He took it to another level. I say wear your jock backwards on 7/31 just to be safe.
Niteowl: i didn't really have alot of room to go with that, cheesoning
liquidindian: 7/31 NEVAR FORGET
Niteowl: rohypnol will ensure they do, liquidindian
cheesoning: you didn't have to go anywhere, yet you ran with it.

Now I Know What Field Agents Feel Like

Niteowl: i'm going to be try be painfully wholesome while the women are present
Niteowl: it'll be like my college days
Niteowl: colon burstingly disgusting with the guys, LIttle House On THe Prarie goody two shoes when the wommin arrive
ralph: katya, is of course, the same
cheesoning: I predict she won't break your cover AND she'll ruin it for you.
cheesoning: right.
Niteowl: you have to be polite, i don't know these people don't spend two hours or more a day playing vidoe games
Niteowl: we haven't spilled pixellated blood together
cheesoning: she will out-niteowl you just by being herself.
Niteowl: then i'll have to start karaoking or something, so as not to break my cover
cheesoning: that is a stellar plan.
cheesoning: now I want to go.
Niteowl: i see i've dug myself a hole that only passing out drunk within the first 20 minutes will resolve

Beards, Coercion

cheesoning: yeah, you're nearly in ZZ Top land.
spruce: I'd like my wife to retain a shred of sexual desire for me while we're still young and my tubbiness half-sabotages that to begin with.
bigjimslade: but that stellar self-esteem makes up for it
spruce: I'll be honest, a lot of guys have expressed admiration for my beard, both gay and straight, but what does that net me in the long run, really?
ralph: a double -gauge a-hole and a pocket full of phone numbers
cheesoning: yeah, you could turn a guy.
cheesoning: (not sure why I followed him down that spider hole.)
cheesoning: ((I feel so easily coerced today.))
stresstwig: here, why don't you sit down with these pictures of topless men and sun bathe
cheesoning: I really don't want to, but okay.

Pluto? Blutoo? Bluto?

ralph: when I had a beard (26-28) I looked at first like an adolescent puerto rican who was trying to grow a status moustache, and had also forgotten to shave
ralph: and later, like Popeye's sworn enemy
stresstwig: so you were in a lot of amateur versions of west side story then


spruce: so are all the guns in BF2 based off of real guns?
bigjimslade: yeah
spruce: some of them are pretty attractive
cheesoning: Hey! Welcome to America!
cheesoning: (The U.S. of)
spruce: I know. That's what I was saying to itchy earlier, that I'm getting disturbed by how appealing these guns look to me.
cheesoning: you know, if you stop for a triple burger and shake on the way to walmart to buy your first gun, you don't have to take the citizenship exam.
ralph: they're tremendously satisfying to fire, smell, handle
ralph: the problem arises when you feel powerless and resentful
ralph: and they begin to talk to you
Niteowl: so, the moment you walk into a gun shop
cheesoning: "Three days?! But I'm angry NOW!" - Homer Simpson
Niteowl: or an appropriately supplied Wal Mart?

That's It!

cheesoning: man, I had a dream about an old UT map last night.
cheesoning: can't remember which one now.
cheesoning: but I might reload UT just to try and figure it out
stresstwig: was it gray and slightly metallic
stresstwig: or gray and slightly rocky
cheesoning: That's IT!
stresstwig: was there a courtyard
cheesoning: there was a specific mechanic that I can't quite remember
stresstwig: guns
cheesoning: THAt's IT!
stresstwig: well, the map is standing right behind you, it wants you to know that everything is okay
cheesoning: get out of my dreams!
Niteowl: and into your car?
cheesoning: I do have candy.
Niteowl: have we hit rule 34 so soon?
JDHarper - Laptop: skipped right past rules 1 through 33


cheesoning: man, we had Urlacher, Briggs, and Rosie Colvin at one point.
spruce: oh no, have I returned to sports talk? Has niteowl's skin burnt off yet?
cheesoning: I thought I heard a thud about 30 lines back

It's Garage Sale Hopping.

Niteowl: sweet!~
Niteowl: well, if i didn't have lead and gold, it's be sweet
stresstwig: how do you find out about these things
stresstwig: it's like you have your finger on the pulse of the bargain cereal aisle

Virtuous Circle Of Gastronomy

cheesoning: man, I've been sitting on the hood of my jacket all day
cheesoning: looks like I'll be smelling my own ass on the way home.
bigjimslade: yummy
cheesoning: glad I didn't eat anything with an -ito or -ada at the end today

But "Did" Is Past Tense

herrdoktor: i just never understood the whole going bananas over a girl playing video games bit.
ralph: I did all of my jackass high-testosterone harassment innuendo one-upmanship assholery phase in person

Ok, Fine, He'll ALSO Shave.

herrdoktor: i just wanna meet a girl with a penchant for indie pop, modern poetry, the base and the faux sophisticated. basically, indie chik vegas girl.
liquidindian: I could wear a dress.
herrdoktor: HOT. wait.

Everyone Has Their Yoda

ralph: I used to play on one server.
ralph: they had one token girl
ralph: a blackbelt in innuendo, chat sexter, sent dirty pics out, total internet attention whore
ralph: shrug. worked for me.

Not Too Late To Move.

bigjimslade: I can't wait to meet monkette
ralph: she's just like any other 11-year old girl
bigjimslade: I want to be her introduction to Internet People Monk Knows
bigjimslade: outside of busi and other locals
ralph: oh fuck
Niteowl: i gotta work on my chinese accent
Niteowl: and my whitney houston impression
ralph: monkette:"Monk, you have an amazing memory. Unfortunately you use it mainly to prove what amazing memory you have."
gordonfrohman: I hope you responded "Who the hell are you"
stresstwig: what are you doing in my house

What MORE Could They Possibly Want?

stresstwig: jdharper: it's super easy to get to busi's from penn
stresstwig: that's what I did last time, and being underground confuses and disorients me
spruce: good to know that you'll be worthless in the coming revolt against the mole men

Six Million Dollar Man, Is The Sound Effect You're Thinking Of.

herrdoktor : i just have a trackball 8/
itchy: yeah, how the hell do you play with that?
herrdoktor : massive thumb muscles.
herrdoktor : i can't use mice to game. it's very difficult.
herrdoktor : but ever since my procyberathlete days, i keep sensitivity wayyyyyy down low. it's easier to spin around with a trackball, cuz you just go WUNANANANANA! and the ball keeps rolling

Then What Would You Do With The Coding Scheme, JD, WHAT THEN?

herrdoktor: code brown, now, officially, is "inclement weather." which brings to mind shitstorm.
JDHarper: you have weather problems in your hospital?
JDHarper: have you considered installing a roof?

Hey, It's Called Mancuddling, I'll Have You Know.

Niteowl: so my new RL friend has invited me over again! to watch Band of Brothers, exciting!
bigjimslade: are we just allowing Niteowl's claim of a RL friend go unchallenged?
Cyrano: I'm sure there's some pillow fort, it sure is cold here in Bastonge cuddling in your future.

Woody Allen AND Sharon Stone?

KatyaOnPCViaBootCampInPartyRoomGuys: they were? wow! maybe they were just making fun of me
Niteowl: man, you ARE part jewish
Niteowl: OY VEY
Niteowl: or part Woody
Niteowl: whatever his last name is
KatyaOnPCViaBootCampInPartyRoomGuys: allen
KatyaOnPCViaBootCampInPartyRoomGuys: how they hell did you not know that
Niteowl: your opinion of my long and short term memory is grossly inflated
Niteowl: also, i've seen maybe 1/2 of one of his movies
Niteowl: and 1/3 of that 1/2 is part of Antz!

Envy Can Be So Ugly.

ralph: him: so I was at the Bourgeois Pig and Sonia Walger asked me about my laptop
ralph: so I was thinking, what if she came over
ralph: should I leave the sunday times out?
ralph: on the couch?
ralph: is there anything good in it?
ralph: I didn't talk to him for a couple of weeks
Niteowl: is it cuz you didn't know the answer?
Cyrano: is it cuz your jealous your friend got to smell her hair?
ralph: all those things

Like You Never Had a Manservant.

Cyrano@home: wouldn't everything be easier if it was a truck?
Cyrano@home: VROOM VROOM problem solved.
bigjimslade: Tonka would be everyone's ISP
Cyrano@home: man, now you made me nostalgic. I want to but one of those big-ass Tonka dumptrucks and leave it out in the rain until it rusts then play with it.
spruce: put some ice in it and a bottle of champagne
Cyrano@home: I think you played with Tonka trucks differently then I did.

Wait, Are We Still Joking?

ralph: No meetup without slade and greens
itchy: ... and crossdressing
ralph: greens has the makeup case
bigjimslade: I have the lingerie
Niteowl: and slade's hand with the foundation is not to be discounted
bigjimslade: actually I can do that pretty well, spent a lot of time in the theater

Consider The People Who WROTE Those Articles.

herrdoktor: holy crap. wikipedia has entries for things like "food" and "snack."
herrdoktor: like those things need definition?
Katya: i read about chex mix earlier
Katya: gonna go up to my apartment and see how hot it is
stresstwig: sounds like exciting days for both of you

Productivity In the 20's And 30's Must've Been Phenomenal; Incoherent, Though.

betaray: I wonder if coca cola tasted good when it was all coked up
betaray: or if you just kinda had to slug it down to get your buzz on
itchy: you probably didn't care either way


bigjimslade: I took a quick look but then the wqebqa professional in me wanted to write volumes and I decided to shoot you guys in the heads instead
bigjimslade: webqa, that should be
Niteowl: " wqebqa professional" <-- i was wracking my brain trying to figure out wtf that was.
itchy: what did your brain come up with?
Niteowl: Weird and Queer Electrical Bar-B-Que Quaffling Assjack
Niteowl: which, admittedly, doesn't make a whole lotta sense
chrisd: but looks great on business cards!
bigjimslade: that's more just a hobby anyhow
Cyrano@home: Professional assjacking is a hard field to break into.

That's Gotta Be One HELL OF a Breath Mint

bigjimslade: and has anyone seen Katya and Big_b and Spruce in the same place at the same time? hm?
itchy: i did
itchy: they were doing the human caterpillar
itchy: with katya bringing up the rear
bigjimslade: so to speak
bigjimslade: also: someone get her a breath mint please
bigjimslade: I don't think she liked the human centipede angle
bigjimslade: or at least not being the anchorman

Vacation Activities

gordonfrohman: I'm gonna be in Maui in September
gordonfrohman: if anyone wants to meet there
gordonfrohman: though I will be drunk and getting massages most of the week
bigjimslade: both of which I have seen before
cheesoning: get a room
Cyrano: that's where he saw it
cheesoning: (again, apparently)
bigjimslade: though you might not remember the latter, you were drunk, and Bob was right there...
cheesoning: is it getting warm in here?
gordonfrohman: that wasn't a massage
gordonfrohman: massage implies consent and the use of hands
bigjimslade: heheheh ewwwww eww ew ew ew heheheh
Cyrano: fine, "cockslap" if you're going to get technical about it.

Well, I Mean, If You Got The Whole Ostracizing Bullhorn Out, Why Not.

liquidindian: The twist in that Mississippi prom story is amazing.
liquidindian: By amazing I mean jaw-droppingly awful.
bigjimslade: oh goddamn
bigjimslade: why did we have to let those fuckers back into the Union
liquidindian: I like the way they've ostracised the kids with learning difficulties for good measure.
liquidindian: Just in case we weren't sure who the bad guys are.

Wishe I Saved The Context

cheesoning: the worst part is that there are some decent ideas embedded in all that talentless crazy.

LoL : Acronyms

KatyaInDaPartyRoom: there's only one retail version in stores
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: but there's two digital versions
spruce: Legendary Masters and Overlords (lmao) and Rulers of Forgotten Lemuria (rofl)
bigjimslade: don't forget the expansion for ROFL, Conquest Of Palaces, Territories, Empires & Realms, spruce

Sure, But That Cures EVERYTHING.

cheesoning: nicotine is very addictive and there's no health benefit to it
gordonfrohman: I heard it helps with alzheimers
cheesoning: coffee and tea have antioxidants and much less withdrawal
gordonfrohman: possibly by killing you first

This Is How Jesse James Got Started

gordonfrohman: one byproduct of quitting smoking is that seeing an attractive woman smoking is like watching pornography
gordonfrohman: provided she actually knows how to smoke
spruce: is seeing a woman smoke like a Nazi twice as titillating, frohman?
gordonfrohman: not at the same time
gordonfrohman: how do nazis smoke?
liquidindian: Anti-semitic exhaling.

Renaissance Faire II

chundo : i'm pretty interested in the people-watching aspect of it
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: chundo: ther'es a lot of that
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: mostly because some of the people are very large , so there's a lot of people watching
gordonfrohman: I'd go to look at all the enormous tits
chundo : which is one of my wife's favorite activities
chundo : i could convince her to go anywhere with "there's gonna be some really strange people there"
chundo : except that one bondage club, but you can't win 'em all

TLC Is Speed Dialing You As We Speak.

KatyaInDaPartyRoom: omg im so full of estrogen right now
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: the woman watching tv has watched ellen, some of millionaire matchmaker and now oprah
cheesoning: cut back on soy?
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: i may have 60 babies in a moment

Renaissance Faire

chundo : yeah i haven't spent a dime on it, and have "bought" a couple characters with experience points
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: i was marvelling earlier today that i've played like 200 games or something
chundo : so you don't have to buy things, but you can
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: i NEVER EVER thought i'd do that
spruce: I never thought I'd dress up for a Renaissance faire, but there you go. Life is full of bad decisions.

Getting You Ready For The Real LoL, Boyo

chundo niteowl, weren't you going to play with us awhile back?
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: niteowl is afraid of our raw power
chundo : i will crack open a can of spartan ass-whoopin' on him
chundo : by which i mean help him be all that he can be
chundo : by which i mean steal all his kills

Oh Look, MORE Pictures Of My Parents In Cancun.

JDHarper: I like the Courier because it's clearly designed for *doing* things, for making things. The iPad looks like it's great for absorbing things (games, videos, internet, music), but terrible for creating things.
JDHarper: (at least in theory; will have to see one in action to be sure)
spruce: Doing what sort of things?
JDHarper: You will not write your novel on an iPad, for example
gordonfrohman: watching star trek
gordonfrohman: sorting endlessly through the thousands of photos you want to endlessly sort through if commercials are to be believed

Star Wars Humour

stresstwig: huh.
betaray: wow
betaray: luckily he's had so much success with that idea in the past
JDHarper: you'd think that star wars humor is a pretty well-picked-over field by now
gordonfrohman: I think our definition of star wars humor probably doesn't match his
gordonfrohman: ours being "Can you believe this frog-necked fuck and his stupid shit?" and his being "So this jawa falls over and goes "BO PAY NEE"
gordonfrohman: Jedi enters
gordonfrohman: JEDI: "Mooooom! Have you seen my lighsaber?"
gordonfrohman: MOM: "You know those things are bad for your teeth!"
gordonfrohman: JEDI: I said lightsaber, not life savers!"
gordonfrohman: AUDIENCE: *laughs, smattering of applause*
gordonfrohman: Darth vader enters through door, kramer style. long pause for applause
gordonfrohman: VADER: I am your father!
gordonfrohman: MOM: Then where's my child support check?
gordonfrohman: AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOO!
gordonfrohman: and so forth
gordonfrohman: I did that for free and some jewbag harvard grad is gonna get paid a fortune
chundo : i think someone called me that in-game last week
JDHarper: a harvard grad?
betaray: a russian harvard grad

Illusions, Michael.

KatyaInDaPartyRoom: i mean i have a kindle, three consoles, a macbook pro, a gaming pc, an iphone, a ds, a psp and a deck of cards
KatyaInDaPartyRoom: not sure if there is room for an ipad

What, Are You Running Out of 'U's or Something?

ralph: and niteowl, english is my native language. I don't appreciate being criticized by Canadians.

Scrabble Rule Changes

gordonfrohman: I feel like tons of times I've got nothing in my nap but proper nouns
gordonfrohman: and I'm all OH DAMMIT WHY CAN'T I USE EGYPT DAMMIT
gordonfrohman: and then I go with PEG and am sad
liquidindian: TYPE would have scored you more.
gordonfrohman: DAMMIT
gordonfrohman: I even lose at fictitous scrabble
liquidindian: Hypothetical scrabble would have scored you more.
gordonfrohman: DAMMIT

Bad Flare

Cyrano: man, no three words say "this comupter is loaded with spyware" more than "Free Dolphin Screensaver."
Cyrano: it's like firing a fucking flare.


pablydump: I think I may have said "urf the manatee" after too much tequila one time.
pablydump: actually, when I get home, I'll probably urf the manatee, then have some dinner.
bigjimslade: worst nickname for your spouse ever
pablydump: I do not refer to my dong as "my spouse" either.

I've HAD My Shots, Though.

itchy: earplugs for sleeping with me ... buttplug for the spooner
bigjimslade: I'm planning on wearing body armor, frankly
Niteowl: buttplugs pop out, body armor has easily undoable straps
Niteowl: ok, i'll stop now
Niteowl: i'm creeping myself out
Niteowl: stresstwig: you going!
Niteowl: !??!!?
bigjimslade: I don't mean that kevlar shit SWAT teams wear, I mean platemail
bigjimslade: with welds
itchy: preferably something that could fend off a shark bite
bigjimslade: or a rabid canadian

The Snake In The Peanut Brittle, AGAIN.

chundo : april fools needs to choke on a bucket of cocks
cheesoning: who got you, and how did they do it?

It's Because You Have To Say "APRIL FOOL'S!" At The End.

spruce: so much hate for April Fool's Day today!
wattamungo: it's just not funny anymore
wattamungo: or even believable
wattamungo: everyone just tries to do something zany and hilarious, and it's never either.
wattamungo: nah, just in a bad mood because my wife didn't find the divorce papers funny
wattamungo: kidding
cheesoning: HAHA. what.

LoL : LoL

KatyaAtCaribouCoffee: did you see the new warwick skin
KatyaAtCaribouCoffee: the awesome awesome warwick skin
KatyaAtCaribouCoffee: hilarious
Niteowl: what am i looking at?
Niteowl: it does a redirect to some.. video.
KatyaAtCaribouCoffee: just click continue
Niteowl: oh wow, up at the top, nice
KatyaAtCaribouCoffee: yeah like most sites
Niteowl: WHAT AREYO UIMPLYING KatyaAtCaribouCoffee!?
cheesoning: I think she's saying you're fat.
Niteowl: that i'm stupid and ill-suited for the internet and have all the intellectual capacity of a half-digested trout in a septic pond?!
cheesoning: or that.

M&B Warband : Poetics Level 3!

gordonfrohman: you can learn poems for wooing women
Niteowl: is that any good?
Niteowl: for anyone except stresstwig?
gordonfrohman: I dunno. I learned a poem but they wouldn't let me into the feast because I wasn't famous
stresstwig: they made my life into a game!?
bigjimslade: Mount & Beard


monitron: I get emails like this from the Secret Service: "16:33-Per USSS, there is a manhole on fire on K St near 17th and Connecticut NW, traffic is at a standstill."
cheesoning: monitron - are you currently on your way to K and 17th, then?
monitron: no, who am i, the Batman?
cheesoning: that's exactly what the Batman would say.
chrisd: "brb manhole on fire"
chrisd: robin: "snicker"

Nightmare Fuel II

monitron: i learned that the internet can still surprise me

Nightmare Fuel

Katya: furries areally aren't that big of a deal, especially if you compare them with the maskers
Katya: maskcon
Katya: that's nightmare fuel
cheesoning: "I see a lot of you are still racist about furries..."
Cyrano: maskers?
Cyrano: do I want to know?
Katya: not the one i wanted to send you
Katya: but
Katya: ENJOY
stresstwig: i just can't bring myself to click that
chrisd: she's right.... don't do it
cheesoning: NSFW?
cheesoning: well, our filter sure thinks so.
Cyrano: it's not safe for something.
monitron: oh that's scary
bigjimslade: although, really? I find this less bothersome than furries
Katya: oh i find it very freaky
chrisd: i see women who look like that every day picking up their kids from school
chrisd: with them it's just botox, but it does build a little resistance

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Where Crazy Meets Scary Meets Funny

cheesoning: btw - H.B. 1388 (or H.R. - whichever) is the Ted Kennedy bill to increase volunteerism and increase programs for seniors and veterans.
gordonfrohman: sure, if you read the words
cheesoning: sorry - Edward Kennedy Serve America Act
cheesoning: oh, I suppose now I'm an elitist?
cheesoning: with my reading?
bigjimslade: intellectual elitist
gordonfrohman: look, everything makes sense if you read
gordonfrohman: but if you huff paint and make something up? then it's a different story
gordonfrohman: a story the jew media doesn't report

We All Scream For Waterboarding!

monitron: what... I'm calling to dispute a DC parking ticket and I got the mayor
chrisd: they check which building the call is coming from... you rate pretty highly, i guess
monitron: i'm calling from home though!
cheesoning: oh! Then you're on a list.
monitron: SHIT
cheesoning: I wouldn't worry about it.
cheesoning: keep talking about ice cream sandwiches.
cheesoning: DO NOT mention bomb pops.
Niteowl: same with c4 sandwiches
cheesoning: too chewy, anyhow.
monitron: what about Choco-Terror or Exploderone?
cheesoning: also shy away from the ice cream hamaswich

Disney Hates the LAPD

gordonfrohman: how does murdering cops kick off an anti-government revolt, anyway
gordonfrohman: I mean, unless you do it in Oakland

Busithoth : Eccentric Host

Niteowl: i was chatting with him last night, apparently his roommate is moving out around the time of the meetup
Niteowl: so he said it'd likely be the same scenario
Niteowl: whatever that means
stresstwig: oh neat
Niteowl: cold chicken pot pies, an amourous gibbon, and thirty car batteries lined up in parallel, I assume

Personal Safety

monitron: thanks to Sarah Palin, I now live in fear of being violently attacked for being a liberal
monitron: having a Yes We Can sticker stuck over my mouth, bound with hemp rope and stuffed in the trunk of my Prius
bigjimslade: thank god I'm safe
bigjimslade: I'd never fit in a Prius trunk

Puns That'll Get You On A List

cheesoning: oh, I just thought of a good name for the ball-exploding terrorist devices.
cheesoning: Nad Nades. (TM)
gordonfrohman: groinades
cheesoning: and the breast implants? TERROR TITS
cheesoning:and, of course, for the posterior enhancement explosive devices: ASS IN THE TUB
Niteowl: you mean by HOT SAUCE Industries?
cheesoning:oh yeah
spruce: Inner thigh-no-mite
cheesoning: C4theter

Bad Company 2 : Engineer

spruce: what does the engineer do?
chrisd: fixes tanks
stresstwig: and also destroys them
chrisd: the lord giveth

Puns About The Usual

betaray: He was talking about the weiner observation, being a 4th-degree cock master my insights are old hat
itchy: sorry, that was for betaray and his penis
JDHarper left the room.
itchy: ha
cheesoning: cocksman
cheesoning: too much cock talk for JD.
betaray: he's going to report us to the cockbudsman

In Ancient Cultures It's A Sign of Prosperity!

itchy: i was watching celebrity fitness boot camp earlier ... and the commando guy compliments a guy by saying "that took balls ... you have balls the size of hemispheres"
cheesoning: ouch!
itchy: i don't think he understands what hemisphere means
cheesoning: so, one big ball?
betaray: Though, it occurs to me that penises have hemispherical heads
cheesoning: his belly might have been a hemisphere
itchy: did that only just occur to you?
cheesoning: you mean did I just look down?

Yes. Yes, I did.

Your Movie Queue, Now With More Waggle

gordonfrohman: I got my Wii netflix streaming disc the other day
gordonfrohman: it's awesome
gordonfrohman: instead of waiting for days to receive a movie I don't want to see and won't watch, I can start not watching instantly

It's The Hips.

gordonfrohman: ricky martin is gay
betaray: dude from a boy band is gay?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??!?!?!!?
***betaray dies of shock
gordonfrohman: I wish when these obviously gay people came out they at least said, "Yes, you were all completely right about me 23 years ago"

Business Acumen

gordonfrohman: are you going to start charging us to play games with you
Katya: so gordon
Katya: yes
gordonfrohman: being as how you are a girl with a girl vagina
Katya: im gonna be on that web site
gordonfrohman: though you sound like a gay guy so I want a discount
Katya: no

But Then You're Just Impressing People Who Play Second Life...

betaray: how did second life make money?
bigjimslade: does
bigjimslade: and it sells virtual currency
betaray: even with the talk of recursive penises I never tried it out
betaray: it's amazing what people will buy
betaray: (I hope none of you have spent thousands on second life land, if so, no offense intended.)
betaray: I'm sure your the person that plays your furry man-servant appreciates you at least

Maori Tattoo, etc.

bigjimslade: Nvidia's catchphrase is now "CRANK THAT S#!T UP!" featured all over the fucking place this weekend, and you could get a t-shirt that said that if you did a scavenger hunt-type thing
bigjimslade: so Nice Guy Mike decided he was going to get one
bigjimslade: at one point, cnelson turned to him and said "You know, you are not allowed to wear it around any of us, right?"
bigjimslade: NGM just sorta looked around, saw some of the people that WERE wearing it, hung his head and agreed

Hugecranium, Like Ruffies

Niteowl: hugecranium?
Niteowl: it's that beard, and the hypno eyes
Niteowl: pull you in, every time
Niteowl: before you know it you're in a hungarian bath house biting down on a gag ball feeling his bristly whiskers brush against your netherregions
bigjimslade: no that's just you, niteowl
bigjimslade: I ended up in a Czech bathhouse

PAX East : Reserved

bigjimslade: it was fun, Iampari is a complete and utter douchebag
Niteowl: oh no
Niteowl: like, he wouldn't let you feel him up?
bigjimslade: no!
bigjimslade: not even a cupping of the balls!
Niteowl: god, what a stuck up prig

It's All Relative, You See

Cyrano: she's probably still high on nerdorphins from the weekend anyway.
Faux Realz: i was a nerd orphan
stresstwig: are you kidding me? your dad probably read you war board game manuals when you were asleep
bigjimslade: hehe
bigjimslade: that describes so many people we saw this weekend
bigjimslade: at one point cnelson turned to me and said "we really need to get out of the building and away from the nerds"

RL = Real Life

Niteowl: i mean, i'm willing to cut a RL friend
Niteowl: like how we cut Faux Realz a break cuz he's RL friends with stresstwig
Faux Realz: truth
stresstwig: i thought it was the other way around
bigjimslade: yeah but he's still a royal pain in the as- hey all didn't see everyone here

RD Doesn't Clear Logs

bigjimslade: I angered titter briefly, because itchy and I made an executive decision, but mostly because she wasn't there and y'know, we decided without her
bigjimslade: she forgot the basic problem, though, we're assholes
Cyrano: why would you even need to consult with a woman for an executive decision jim?
Cyrano: need catering or something?
chrisd: flowers
bigjimslade: she wanted to pick out the curtains or something
bigjimslade: you know she's going to log in and kill us all
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
bigjimslade: k
Cyrano: probably because it's that time of the month.
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k
Cyrano: k

That Last Thing We Do Regardless

spruce: the pax thing is over, so where is everyone?
spruce: sleeping off mountain dew hangovers, maybe
Cyrano: untangling themselves from a sweaty mass of bodies.
Cyrano: taking quick showers.
Cyrano: avoiding eye contact.


chrisd: i'll have to get my girlfriend going on the oranges. I think they need campari injections.
Niteowl: i thought your GF was a waxer, chrisd
chrisd: yeah, but peaches aren't in season yet.
ralph: hahha
betaray: heheh
Niteowl: yikes

Unholy Hybrid Counters

stresstwig: just badmouth either Braid or Jonathan Coulten
bigjimslade: "Oh man, that Coulten fag is going to do another game song?! Why can't good music get into games, like Mudvayne?!"
stresstwig: and just refer to everything as a "sega"
Niteowl: "I thought it'd just be Modern Warfare 2 here, what's with all the ghey indie shit?'
stresstwig: the wii is my favorite sega
bigjimslade: "This the new cartridge for xbox?"
stresstwig: you guys ever play clash bandiroot
betaray: "Where's the LeapFrog setup at?"
stresstwig: "I really think Final Fantasy III was the best one"
chrisd: "halo FOREVAAAA"
bigjimslade: I wish they had just stuck with Sonic games
stresstwig: the ff3 is my favorite bait
stresstwig: YOU MEAN SIX
bigjimslade: yeah that's a good one
stresstwig: you should see how many people you can get riled up with that one
betaray: Ask someone if theire DS is one of those awesome Tiger Electronics handhelds

Unholy Hybrid

bigjimslade: and to change the subject, ralph, one thing PAX has is an unholy hybrid that should not live.... hipster nerds
bigjimslade: carrying their alienware laptops and wearing looks of disdain and judgement
Niteowl: are your knuckles sore from all the punching?
bigjimslade: I'm bringing back a flamethrower


betaray: Are you Mr. Big?
betaray: I could see your giant head roaming around your inner sanctum shooting missiles out of your mouth
herrdoktor: misread "sanctum" as "scrotum" and size of chat window such that line breaks after "your" and before "mouth."
betaray: and that is how babby is formed


bigjimslade: my wife came home one night after a double-shift and said "I have been face-to-face with way too many distended vaginas for any human to have to deal with"
Cyrano@home: one. one is too many.
Niteowl: and thus marked the end of her lucrative career as a porn keygrip
bigjimslade: no, a post/ante-partum nurse
herrdoktor: maaaaan
***stresstwig stops eating chunky salsa


Mr. S: also: holes left over from belly button piercings = not attractive.
ralph: ffs S, she's a person
ralph: she's gonna show some signs of wear
ralph: they're all floor models
Mr. S: she looks young, man. no signs of wear. none.
ralph: run
Niteowl: run, now, in which direction, that's up to your own proclivity
Niteowl: is (s)he thai? flawless body hair regimen? a little thick with the paint? high cheekbones?

Hey Man, A Hairless Leg Is A Hairless Leg

Mr. Shamalamana: soooo, you know how i used to get random camfone pics to my fone from people at work who somehow got my number? and how some of them were nekkid? and how they stopped?
ralph: sry to hear that
ralph: who was she
chrisd: aww tey stopped? terrible
ralph: and why did you not share
Niteowl: 'she'?

In Other News, Real Estate Prices Increased by 2% This Afternoon

ralph: got short haircut 'cause I'm gonna be traveling
ralph: just went on walk with dog
ralph: old (white woman) said "Glad to see you in the neighborhood"
ralph: that's not good
spruce: that's an odd thing to say
ralph: I have cyrano disease--look like a cop
ralph: and don't dress hip
spruce: cyrano looks like a cop?
JDHarper: i think it's the haircut
ralph: cyrano looks like an undercover cop like you wouldn't believe
ralph: when in the middle of brooklyn
spruce: I'd more towards mafia heavy
ralph: wry cynicism + haircut
ralph: felt like there was a target on my back all the way home
ralph: also, I made two arrests

Metafilter : It's Not Finding the Buttons, It's Finding Which To Push

spruce: disturbing paintings
Niteowl: shoulda made it about disturbing paintings about fat vegetarians who love circumcision
spruce: who ride bikes for Sarah Palin
chrisd: make sure they're black racists
Niteowl: and love good cans while they eat their food-stamp bought, Whole Food antipasto