Thursday, January 28, 2010

MPH

spruce: what's an mph?
stresstwig: meal patrick harris
spruce: master of political horseshit?
stresstwig: mimicking paris hilton?
spruce: monkey pheromone huffing (license)
spruce: I'm sorry, that was weak.
spruce: I retract that quip
spruce: I'm going to reset my quip stats and start fresh.
ralph: dude, you're gonna lose all of your sweet burns toward the million points achievement
Niteowl: can't do that spruce
Niteowl: that's like, 40% of all RD content
Niteowl: not related to Ayrabs or racism
ralph: or the arab control of the media
ralph: which is polite, lazy, likes sweets
ralph: unambitious, and smokes a lot.

Hummable, you mean?

Katya: the theme is one of the best cartoon themes ever too
betaray: It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!

It's Really In Jest, Mrs. Cheesoning.

spruce: Well I have almost gotten the best RD achievement Motherlode: Make 10000 allusions to the loose morals and sexual procilivities of cheesoning's mother
Katya: cheesoning's mother is a whore
Katya: did that move me up?
spruce: DING
Katya: YAY!
bigjimslade: nilla please, I did that one in a single day.
Katya: did i unlock her nethers?
bigjimslade: Just like cheese's mother. Twelve times.
Katya: nope, that's always open!
Katya: DING

Sunglasses, 24/7

ralph: also, you've never shrieked in your life stress
Niteowl: oh, he has, it came out as a low, cool whimper, like Paul Newman complaining about a gunshot wound

Assyrians Love Their Turnovers

Katya: i just ate a terirble stromboli
stresstwig: that sucks
Katya: it was more a grease pocket
Katya: i could only eat like a little of it
stresstwig: as my grandfather used to say, "nothing is worse than a terrible stromboli"

About Time For Which?

stresstwig: itchy i am about to blow your mind
ralph: for once
ralph: for a change
ralph: oh, your MIND
itchy: yeah, it's about time

Pranks : Better Than Being That Butterfly, He's A Dick

stresstwig: one night on a state overnight theatre competition we began torturing other theatre schools by calling them in the middle of the night, shrieking "snackpack" into the phone, and then at the same time somebody would knock on their door and run away. When the door was opened, there would be a snackpack pudding cup waiting for them on their doormat.
ralph: heh
ralph: sinister, yet endearing
ralph: the niteowl effect
stresstwig: exactly.
stresstwig: on the one hand, pranks
stresstwig: on the other hand, free pudding
stresstwig: later, i would call and ask if they had been getting prank calls, and ask them to describe them to me, as i worked in the front desk. over the conversation, i would slowly start inserting the word snackpack randomly until they noticed.
spruce: now that thar's some poemtry I's can unnerstan!
stresstwig: since it was late and this call had woken them up again, it took a really long time for them to notice

Disciplinary

ralph: sorority at college used to have fortnightly disciplinary meetings called "That's not Theta."
ralph: presumably where one was called to account for being attractive, kind, or deep.

Never, Ever, Block.

ralph: I would normally recommend you address the issue early in the meeting with the group to set expectations. I would try a line like, “I know that some of you might be social media experts and others may be less deep on this particular area. My plan would be to start the presentation at the 50,000 foot view and then dive down to a more granular level once we’re all base-lined. Does that sound ok?” http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2010/01/19/how-to-present-at-big-meetings-with-going-down-a-rat-hole/ handy tip
ralph: thanks corporatebabble dickweed
stresstwig: i base-lined your mother
stresstwig: line drives all night long
stresstwig: that shit was granular.
ralph: she called and said she wished somebody would just fuck her for once

Our Security

stresstwig: that reminds me i need to get started on crafting facial hair february
ralph: facial hair february: or how to get me raped at Heathrow in March
Niteowl: please, the term is 'probed for your security"
spruce: I think you mean for OUR security

Hollandaise

Niteowl: actually, i dont' mind doing frou frou cooking. i once made eggs benedict from scratch. and that sauce is as frou frou as you can fucking get
Niteowl: it involves ... egg.. yolks. and something. put in a pan, then WAFTED over steam, while stirring
stresstwig: hollandaise is pretty frou frou
Niteowl: that's it
Niteowl: what's the mental disorder where you have enormous difficulty remember the name of anything?
Niteowl: oh, that's right, stupidity

Roux

stresstwig: also niteowl, don't listen to the haters, a good roux is at the base of any legitimate mac and cheese
Niteowl: i.. i didn't knowi was making something as frou frou as a roux
Niteowl: i was just following the book
Niteowl: i was confused, owlet was hungry, it's all a blur
stresstwig: no i know, but that is the way you do it
stresstwig: make a roux, add cheese, have cheese roux, bake on pasta
Niteowl: i added extra confusion by sauteeing onions and chicken
stresstwig: okay that's a little odd, but still understandable
Niteowl: well, most ppl cook to cook. or to take f1.4 aperture shots of their food in a lightbox
Niteowl: i make food to nourish my brood
stresstwig: sort of like "is that a tuxedo or a t-shirt"

Napoleon

Cyrano: so who else is seriously thinking about those Star Wars Yoda shoes?
Cyrano: (since we're all talking about shoes like GIRLS)
gordonfrohman: I think of little else
stresstwig: what shoes?
spruce: I don't remember the yoda shoes
spruce: a lot of them look shabbily made, almost home-made
Niteowl: so.. where the FUKC do i buy these things?
spruce: not sure they're even out yet
Niteowl: DON"T BOTHER ME WITH SUCH TRIVIALITIES LIKE 'not made yet', 'only a prototype', 'not shipped to a store nearby'
Niteowl: I WANT RESULTS spruce
stresstwig: i can only imagine you as some sort of internettic napoleon, screaming futilely at your troops who are twice your size.
spruce: SIR YES SIR
Niteowl: IT WORKS

Inquiry

spruce: something to add even more panache to your golden sneakers
spruce: you just need some purple silk shoelaces for them
stresstwig: don't be ridiculous, spruce
stresstwig: where would i find silk shoelaces
stresstwig: (no seriously)
stresstwig: (where.)

Clean Everywhere

itchy: my toothbrush has disappeared ... i've heard the cleaning folks will do ungodly things to an unattended brush
itchy: i guess i should be glad they kept it
itchy: maybe even had to rush to the emergency room, who knows
itchy: that's between them and their xray tech
itchy: well, off to buy a new one i guess

Emo Boy Has Hot Mom

Niteowl: i havea feeling DRM and GFWL will do nothing to hurt sales
Niteowl: i mean, MW2 had NO DEDICATED SERVERS, ffs. and it's made mroe money than Cyrano's mom when the Navy docks
itchy: ...
bigjimslade: total sales, mostly consoles whose player base doesn't care about that shit
Niteowl: yeah, well, money is money, i'm sure IW doesn't care whether it's to console or PC
bigjimslade: oh definitely, but that's different from a game developed for PCs first
bigjimslade: (though good use of Cyrano's mom in a joke. Just when we thought there was no new use for her)
Niteowl: she stays limber
Cyrano: too bad for you there's no more of me inside to die.
Niteowl: hey tehre boyo, running out of eye liner?

Sad Context

Cyrano: i just avoid all meaningful human interaction IRL so no one gives a shit what i say online.
Cyrano: works well.
Cyrano: COCKNUGGET! COCKNUGGET! COCKNUGGET!
Cyrano: see? no one cares.
Cyrano: just like when I die.
Cyrano: alone.
itchy: man, don't go all dark on us
itchy: besides, you won't be alone ... you'll have a bunch of cute snugly worms vying for your affection
itchy: if you do die, however, i promise to come to your funeral in a dress
Cyrano: yes. worms. later....

Context, Needs Context

itchy: if you do die, however, i promise to come to your funeral in a dress

L4D2 : Percocet

[MeFi] CPA-ONE : As Big Jim revived Meta I screamed, "No! Not Metamonk!!"
[MeFi] CPA-ONE : With much love
[OldF] Niteowl : we were screamiong the opposite
metamonk : when did I become niteowl?
[OldF] Niteowl : it's like taking the quarterback off the bench who's pusshing 40 with the trick knee and addiction to percocet

Light Reading Material

herrdoktor: 20 minutes. man. guess i should bring a book.
herrdoktor: ka-CHUNK. THE COLLECTED WORKS OF JOHN MILTON.
herrdoktor: "OHHH NOTHING. JUST SOME LIGHT READING."
niteowl: you should bring the complete works of Calvin and Hobbes
niteowl: if she's impressed, propose on the spot
niteowl: if she thinks it's about noted a protestant theologian and a philosopher, be cautiously optimistic

Hypothetically Speaking

gordonfrohman: man. I don't think I could play with a steering wheel
gordonfrohman: that just seems. lame.
gordonfrohman: I mean, cool if no one ever saw me doing it and I never told anyone
gordonfrohman: but lame since I'm lik almost 40 and people see me
niteowl: so, like jerking it to Carebears?

Career Coaching

niteowl: you're really saving the company money by concientiously bringing yourself back to 100%
gordonfrohman: I don't want to promise any miracles for tomorrow
niteowl: right, well, don't want to burn out, the cost of reacquiring someone of YOUR talent and skill
niteowl: i mean, it barely bears mentioning
niteowl: at least $7.32, though, right?

They Both Feature Junk Heaps

herrdoktor: or do i sit and wait and listen to depressing music?
niteowl: sit and watch Robocop
herrdoktor: acid sceeeene roooaaaawwwrrr
niteowl: because no matter how bad things get, you could be separated from your family underneath 3 inches of titanium plating, and 1 billion dollars worth of OCP investment
niteowl: and have to eat baby food
herrdoktor: dood, but you could have a convenient gun holster compartment, which could be used to hold cake and brownies.
herrdoktor: click. whirrrr. kaCHUNK. mmmn. mmmn.
niteowl: But then when ppl see you pop open your thigh, and out comes hostess treats instead of a massive automatic like handgun that has the muzzleflash of a thousand dying suns lit afire by ninteen quintillion fusion bombs, they will be, let it be known, very, very disappointed
herrdoktor: maybe they will want to make frenz, then.
herrdoktor: BA WEEP GRANNA WEEP NINNY BONG.

Bioshock, I Think

gordonfrohman: fun weapons, lovely environments, excitement, horror, and the mind-bending moral dilemma of whether or not you should murder little girls
niteowl: you spend a lot of time aching over that decision?
gordonfrohman: how could you not
gordonfrohman: should you murder little girls? the answer could surprise you! but it won't cos you shouldn't

Cam™

gordonfrohman: by the way, I'm starting my own network
gordonfrohman: just send me your credit card number and I will talk to you -- FREE
betaray: can I pre-order for beta access?!?!
Cyrano: i thought "beta access" was the name of your network.
liquidindian: It's what he offers on Friday night.
betaray: Officially it's called Beta's Dong Cam [tm]
bigjimslade: unless he's out as Christina that night
betaray: thanks for the lifetime membership though Cyrano
liquidindian: Is that focussed on the dong?
liquidindian: Or is it from the dong's POV?
Cyrano: you need to upgrade your cam.
betaray: I'll add a second cam with cyrano's check
betaray: then you can enjoy both liquid
Cyrano: worst appearance of the word "liquid" ever.

LoL

betaray: you level up by killing minions and other players and buy more loot and skills
betaray: I'm trying to remember that name of that older RTS where you were like bezerkers and dwarves and stuff
betaray: and there was no resource management
niteowl: it's free, runs on low end system, but gets the kinda Excel spreadsheet min-maxing cuntsquats that make hardcore gaming such throat blocking heart exploding mind-fuckulating pain in the ass

BioWare Hub!

gordonfrohman: BioWare describes the hub as a “conduit for players to receive bonus content as well as daily messages and news on upcoming releases for Mass Effect 2 for no extra charge”.
gordonfrohman: so, I'll use that... what, twice?
betaray: so you'll get a demo for the DLC that comes with free rootkits and other spyware!
gordonfrohman: I mean, I'm sure I'd never hear about dlc if not for their special network
gordonfrohman: and I don't need a game sending me daily messages. clingy
betaray: and they'll disable your old version of the game once the new release hits FOR FREE!
betaray: free in game advertisements too
betaray: so many features!
gordonfrohman: we made up stuff and passed the savings on to you!

Off Limits For MOST People.

niteowl: i think sisters might be offlimits
niteowl: when Faux Real shows up at your home with a shotgun demanding 'satisfaction', bigjimslade, let us know ok?
niteowl: where shotgun is not a euphemism for strap-on
niteowl: sickos
bigjimslade: I have an alibi, I was with cheese's mom
Faux Real: no, she is pretty hot

Hip

liquidindian: How the hell do I know who Carmen Electra is?
stresstwig: your subconscious' porn addiction, liquid
betaray: Pole Dancing workout videos
bigjimslade: you are a Dennis Rodman fan, obviously
liquidindian: [She has] had roles in the parody films Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie.
liquidindian: That'll be it.
liquidindian: That's essentially my DVD collection there.
bigjimslade: I figured as much
bigjimslade: just like it's hip to collect really obscure, bad British stuff over here

Unreputable Griefer

spruce: I think I will offer up drawings for drawings on the boards. It proooobably won't blow up in my face.
gordonfrohman: what, I draw you something, you draw me something?
spruce: yeah
gordonfrohman: trust me on this: that is not a good deal for you
spruce: I'm easily amused
spruce: and I wouldn't bust my ass on a masterpiece for anyone, for what is essentially, free.
Cyrano: do you like pictures of cocks? you're going to get a lot of pictures of cocks.
spruce: Griefing by post?
bigjimslade: I will not send you a picture of a cock, spruce
bigjimslade: I make no "No Taint" guarantees though

God I Hope That's The Lyrics To A Song, Or Something

herrdoktor: yoh doods.
herrdoktor: I would like you ugly, and I would like your disease. I would like your everything, as long as it is free: I want your love.
herrdoktor: Love, love, love. I want your love.
Katya: gordon, that's your cue to drop trou
gordonfrohman: you assume they are not currently dropped

Mental Note

ralph: y'all remember how my gf called the overly gregarious, henry rollins type butcher the "Mayor of Protein"?
ralph: here he is leading hipster hog butchering class http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009/12/hog-butchery-workshop.php
Katya: cool
Katya: whats his penis like
spruce: his flapping foreskin is secured with butcher's string
liquidindian: Then tucked into his apron.
ralph: this is why we can't have nice things.
Katya: and he writes the deals of the day on it so everyone can see
***ralph writes "always read recent chat log before making any comments"

3==========D

Katya: i wonder how happy the first guy was when he realized he could make a penis in ascii characters
spruce: well I'm sure it was a gradual evolution
stresstwig: two disparate internet chatters came up with the two sides at different times
stresstwig: it was only when they met, balls and half a shaft and half a shaft and a head became one.
stresstwig: from this, humanity was created
stresstwig: sprouted forth first were the wood people
stresstwig: the great sky penis realized, however, that these people were not good typists
stresstwig: so a great ascii flood rained down, petrifying all of them
stresstwig: these wood people became the trees, the plants, the blogspots
stresstwig: and thus ended the first creation from the great half gods PENU and INUS
stresstwig: apparently there are no bastardization of the popol vuh fans in the house.
Katya: haha
Katya: that's great stress
spruce: your deviance deserves accolades

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Paper or Plastic?

gordonfrohman: katya, when you are preparing to take an erect, semi-erect, or flacid penis into your mouth, do you prefer that penis be cut or uncut?
gordonfrohman: or: no preference
Katya: cut is all i've known
Katya: which surprises me after reading that article
Katya: that its gone down to 56 percent
Katya: i should play the lottery
liquidindian: That's quite a wide data sample from Katya, I hear
Katya: THE PENIS LOTTERY
spruce: you could probably use the foreskin as a napkin after the blowjob, so I bet that gets preference
liquidindian: A napkin?
liquidindian: How loose do you think it is?
Katya: actually, i wonder if i could make money knitting replacement foreskins
stresstwig: basically as though a plastic shopping bag was dangling off the tip.

Differ-what?

gordonfrohman: one thing I like with Dirt 2 is I can just jump in and drive and not have to fuck around with the car. though you can fuck around with the car if you like
niteowl: oh, you can? i hate fucking around with the car because i have no fucking clue what i'm doing
niteowl: can i, uh.. well, i can change the window washer fluid?
niteowl: get some summer wash mix in there, YEAAAH
gordonfrohman: yeah, you can modify a bunch of stuff about it. stuff I don't understand
gordonfrohman: no more like um differentials and um things and stuff
niteowl: and, uh, check tire pressure?
niteowl: i checked the FUCK outta that tire pressure
niteowl: wait, the gas, i can fill up the gas tank like a goddamn pro

Aim High

gordonfrohman: wonder how GFWL handles multi
gordonfrohman: shittily, I'm guessing
gordonfrohman: my current unofficial goal is to place first with a car that doesn't look like a wadded up piece of paper

Allaying Fears

herrdoktor: i must admit that i am anxious and nervous about meeting summa you doods in SF.
niteowl: which ones in particular? and you are right

It Doesn't Make It Any Better That He's Shouting It

herrdoktor: everyone looks so normal, and well-adjusted, with kids n stuff.
herrdoktor: imagonna ask concierge services to obtain a bunch of brownies for you guys.
herrdoktor: "I NEED 55 BROWNIES OF THE FINEST SORT... AND LOOB, ON MY ARRIVAL."
niteowl: uh oh

Youth In Asia

herrdoktor: i run critical situations and codes like i play TF2
niteowl: loudly and with brownies?
herrdoktor: "AHGAHGH! CHARRGE UP TEH PADDELES NOW
herrdoktor: CRONCH CRONCH
chrisd: MEDIIIIIIIIC!
herrdoktor: BAKC UP DOOOOOODS GONNDA SHOCK!
herrdoktor: 3... 2... SHOCK! HAHAHA FULED U ALL
herrdoktor: ok pt have pulse?
niteowl:
"MEH I"M SICK OF PLAYIGN DOCKTOR SOMEONE ELSE DO IT IMMA GO GET A ROCKET LAUNCHER"

In My Mind's Eye

niteowl: most of my knowledge abotu chrisd is him having fabulous times with his many GFs and then racing his BMW
niteowl: and lasering metal, or something
chrisd: i like that description quite a lot, niteowl.
niteowl: laser metal
Cyrano: whereas niteowl sees me as sobbing quitely into a body pillow with Allison Hannigan silk-screened on it while talking to a herd of cats.
chrisd: ...on an oil rig
Cyrano: without pants.
Cyrano: aaand that's why niteowl said nothing
niteowl: well, the sobbing wasn't so quiet, in my version
Cyrano: autoerotic asphyiation takes a lot out of a guy.

Pfft, Boy Scout

stresstwig: the thing i love about that is that the first time he touches it, like five minutes in, it fucking lights up
stresstwig: and then they give it to the other dude
stresstwig: and then later on it's like OMG ITS LIGHTING UP WHEN HE TOUCHES IT
|3374|24`/: Yeah, even though it played, "You've got the touch" when he brushes against it, it's all you Ultra Magnus
niteowl: I FUCKING LOVE ULTRA MAGNUS YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY<>
niteowl: SHUT IT NOW
|3374|24`/: ultra magnus was a chump
|3374|24`/: Iron Sides 4 Lyfe
niteowl: I"LL CUT YOU WITH A THOUSAND SUNS OF SABRES AND DISEMBOWEL YOU TO THE ETERNAL ECHOING LAUGHTER OF UNICRON

Worst Moses Ever.

itchy: going to best buy to spend money i don't have
itchy: i already have remorse
Katya: what are you gonna get
itchy: one of everything

No Blocking Allowed

Katya: you know the girl in the crying game?
niteowl: oh yeah, so hot
Katya: SHE HAS A COCK
stresstwig: yeah, rooster farmer is a popular vocation in ireland
stresstwig: what of it
Katya: nothing
Katya: i was happy to see that they put it in

Always Blame It On Rodimus

niteowl: man, "Lovely Bones" is getting panned
niteowl: it has marky mark, i don't know how that's possible
stresstwig: looks terrible
stresstwig: i was reading an interview with peter jackson about whether or not it sticks with the book, and apparently the only 'real' change is that test audiences wanted the rapist/killer to die a more gruesome death.
stresstwig: his death was not violent enough.
niteowl: oh, SPOILER ALURT PLS
niteowl: jesus man
stresstwig: oh he turns out to be an angel
stresstwig: i mean, the book's been out forever
Cyrano: Rosebud was his sled.
|3374|24`/: Hot Rod is the one to open the Matrix of Leadership

Curtains And Carpet

Katya: man your beard has gotten bushy man
Katya: LEGENDARY
liquidindian: It's impressive.
stresstwig: yeah i need to trim that sucker
niteowl: GROW IT OUT
liquidindian: It's certainly giving us an insight to your pubic situation.

Leetaray Does Impressions

Katya: you guys should see World's Greatest Dad
Katya: I thought it was really strong
|3374|24`/: The Bobcat directed that fine feature
Katya: yes
|3374|24`/: that's got to be interesting, "AGFFSDAFSDF Errr.. CAn YoU ERrrGGHh.. Give mE mORe eMotion ARRFFF"

Not Sure How That's Better

liquidindian: http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/daily/sexuality/overcoming_masturbation.html
Faux Real: GODDAMNIT RE READ LEVITICUS
Cyrano@home: dammit, now I never want to masturbate again.
***betaray burns all chairs that menstruating women have sat on
Faux Real: it is about not getting the wife of your dead brother pregnant
Faux Real: but still having sex with her

Meta Q&A

ralph: hey quick question re: ratherdepressing
Niteowl: no
Niteowl: yes
Niteowl: maybe
Niteowl: as long as the plaster paris holds.

Don't Go 100% Nerd

ralph: Walking back through deserted streets from theater with gf
ralph: said "I feel like Bruce Wayne's parents"
ralph: gf not amused.
Faux Real: were you in formal dress?
Faux Real: to see a movie?
Katya: was she wearing pearls
Faux Real: and were they grabbed for and then ripped in the ensuing carnage?
liquidindian: Are you as rich as Croesus?

Sorry Wil

itchy: i followed him for a week and found him terribly boring
itchy: he didn't talk about romulans at all
bigjimslade: he uses his teeth too much, so that was it for me
itchy: jesus bigjimslade
itchy: you just crossed a line there buddy
bigjimslade: what? he uses them to open pretzel bags and dvd wrappers. That's just unhealthy so I stopped
itchy: stopped stuffing your pants with pretzels and dvds?
bigjimslade: you're just sick
bigjimslade: pretzels chafe
bigjimslade: marshmallows, though...
itchy: go on
bigjimslade: I need a moment
itchy: http://www.adobe.com/
niteowl: how you go to pleasuring yourself with marshmallows and wiil wheaton to adobe is beyond me
itchy: all you gotta say is "wil wheaton" and i'm done

Better Than A Placard

niteowl: thought briefly about following wil wheaton, but the guy has 1.6 million followers
itchy: he'll barely feel stalked
niteowl: old school binoculars, pee jar, conspicuously parked Nova, and 3 months worth of ramen will get the message across

Friday, January 22, 2010

Missing Ironic Quotes

itchy: are these the people that are sad because real life doesn't match up with JCs vision?
itchy: thank god this movie doesn't coincide with a comet passing or anything ... we might have another mass suicide on our hands
chrisd: yeah, that'd be a tragedy.

Novelties

spruce: I don't foresee that happening in Texas. Dildos are still illegal here
itchy: i'm sorry spruce
spruce: I have to refer to them as 'novelties'
itchy: you've had to resort to smuggling them across the mexican border
Faux Real: learning aids
Faux Real: 2 at a time though!
Faux Real: heroic
itchy: dildo-related murders are at an all time high in mexico
liquidindian: Stick-ups gone wrong.

Pause

Faux Real: man i don't even know the inverse closet ratio law
itchy: the more you hate fags, the more likely you are to be one
niteowl: doesn' twork all across the spectrum
niteowl: i mean, if you just LOVELOVLOVE gay people, you might be one
niteowl: not that there's anything wrong with that
itchy: psh, i've already decided that my next relationship will be with a man
itchy: i don't want to be on my death bed wondering what could have been
Faux Real: i have a friend who claims to be physically attracted to men but romantically attracted to women
niteowl: why couldnt' you let that awkward silence go on for a bit, Faux Real?

He LOVED AI

chundo: i prefer the company of strippers
chundo: it's my fear of intimacy
chundo: i don't discriminate against the stripper's sex though
niteowl: enlightened man of the ages
niteowl: a g-string is ag-string, is that your thinking?
niteowl: the broken stare from a crushed soul is equally arousing, no matter the gender, chundo?

Social Interaction

Faux Real: and the part of us that looks forward to seeing Joe and you guys interact is the same part of us that wants to start forest fires
itchy: what
Faux Real: the much maligned DobblyWobbly will be coming to meatup
itchy: oh he's alright i'm srue
Faux Real: and that man interacts with people the way a sledgehammer interacts with an egg crate
itchy: if he's a friend of yours, well then
itchy: so maybe he doesn't pickup up on subtle social cues, a wince, a look of shock, a middle finger 2 inches from his nose
spruce: so he's like a social Gallagher
spruce: what should we expect, faux?
itchy: splattered fruit
Faux Real: a tiny, defeated, hate filled man
itchy: he meant your friend

Nice Save

niteowl: speaking of root beer, i want this http://www.psfk.com/2009/11/root.html
spruce: so you haven't seen this Bulldog locally?
Faux Real: man, if i ever found a steady supply of Root you guys would never hear from me again
Faux Real: i would drink myself to death
itchy: sounds good
itchy: the beverage, not your early demise

CAPS LOCK DAY

[MeFi] chundo: ah, let's face it, i'm a cosmopolitan. black, white, asian, they're all welcome as casa de chundo
[OldF] Niteowl: casa de chundo's masturbatory dream palace
[MeFi] chundo: a.k.a. "The Internet"
tittergrrl: HAY GUIZ
[MeFi] chundo: WHOA
[OldF] Niteowl: HEY titteR! I NO IT MAKES NO SENSE BUT I LOVE CAPS LOCK SO FRICKING MUCH
[MeFi] chundo: MAGICAL CHAT TRANSFORMATION
[OldF] Niteowl: IT"S DRUNK CHUNDO< TITTER< SO TRY AND GET CHUNDO TO SAY EMBRASSING THINGS
[MeFi] chundo: ME TOO I AM LOOKING IT PICTURES THREAD AND HYPERVENTILATING
tittergrrl: CHUNDO CHUNDO WHAT WAS IT LIKE SUCKING A GUYS COCK FOR THE FIRST TIME I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE
[OldF] Niteowl: HE DOESN"T SUCK, TITTER! HE THROAT MASSAGES THEIR SHAFT
[MeFi] chundo: first time? bitch, please.

Not For Moisturizing

[OldF] Niteowl: what was your last game obsession? tf2?
[MeFi] chundo: well that and l4d
[MeFi] chundo: then i took like, a month off
[OldF] Niteowl: what'd ya do?
[MeFi] chundo: and life was sunshines and butterflies and chocalates
[MeFi] chundo: now i do things like, read, and have sex!
[MeFi] chundo: sometimes even with my wife!
[MeFi] chundo: TMI, huh
[MeFi] chundo: did i mention i've been drinking?
[MeFi] chundo: phew, due to your silence i was in the process of constructing a long apology about how that was really a veiled reference to masturbation and no i don't cheat on my wife and i'm still a good person and and and...
[OldF] Niteowl: oh please, we're both married
[OldF] Niteowl: when we say sex, we both know what that means
[OldF] Niteowl: thank god costco sells vaseline

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Mocassins

Niteowl: 20 minutes utnil I have to take a train ride with the guy i don't really wanna socialize with
Niteowl: TRAIN IS FOR SLEEPING
stresstwig: WOOOOOOO
stresstwig: TRAIN WITH DUDES YOU DON'T WANNA SOCIALIZE WITH WOOOOOOOOO
stresstwig: just tell him you have a really intense groin pain you need to focus on
stresstwig: and then if he asks about it, punch him in the dick
Niteowl: you're a gentleman and a scholar

TF2 : Eyelander

spruce: though my brief forays with my newly acquired Eyelander have sort of shown that it almost encourages spawncamping
spruce: I do feel like I'm kinda just wanking off and neglecting my team when I use it though
Niteowl: so, you're a spy with an eyepatch, then?

Before Copulation, Supposedly

bigjimslade: or, he's not overly manly in person so has been called it a lot before
Niteowl: oh? that sucks
bigjimslade: I'm guessing. He reminds me of a friend of mine who reacts that way for that reason
bigjimslade: he has a slight lisp, and is built like a praying mantis

Metagame

Katya: he's good in this
Katya: at least at the metagame
Katya: but i dind't see how he was fantastic
spruce: there's a metagame?
Katya: well knowing the tactics
Katya: sorry
Katya: i said metagame because he did in the game
Katya: and i was thinking then "that's not a metagame"
Katya: he was talking tactics
Katya: and for me a metagame is being on purpose bad to piss people off

Wisdom

stresstwig: so greens, you guys are looking to move to the ****area?
greens: it's in our top 5
stresstwig: what are the other 4
greens: cook-out is for work
greens: city ****, city ****, city ****
greens: my wife wants to get out of the cold for good
greens: and I just want to get laid regularly
greens: so i do what I'm told

Aroma

stresstwig: i guess it's up to us
stresstwig: to bring the light of the chat
Niteowl: doo de doo
***stresstwig scratches crotch
Niteowl: just dont' smell your finger man, that'd be gross
stresstwig: why would i do that
stresstwig: like i don't know what i smell like
jdharper: licking your finger is a bad idea too
stresstwig: i've never understood that.
stresstwig: i mean, i feel like you are familiar with your smells enough to not be curious anymore.
Niteowl: what if you aren't?
stresstwig: i guess that is the driving gesture
Niteowl: like, if you wear a clothing at all times, masking your musky, manly aroma?
stresstwig: "how can I assure myself i still smell like myself?"
stresstwig: "i might as well smell me."
Niteowl: i make sure all my naughty bits are doused in quicklime and talc, keep all those nasty smells at bay
Niteowl: you almost don't notice the burning after a few weeks

Best Left To The Imagination

Katya: have i told you lately how no one will go out with me
Katya: i don't understand why!
Katya: um ok
Niteowl: at some point you have to take the binding OFF your feet, Katya
Katya: uh oh
Katya: but i do have a wide array of barbie shoes
Katya: that i wear daily
stresstwig: as a necklace, like teeth
stresstwig: each shoe represents a barbie she has stolen from a child
Cyrano: man, you guys are going dark.

Hardcore Mainstream

liquidindian: Blimey, why didn't anyone alert me to the Rose Elinor Dougal single?
liquidindian: You useless fucks.
stresstwig: i think you answered the question with several of the words in that sentence
Katya: yeah
Katya: you dumbass jerk
Katya: high five
Niteowl: why did we not inform you about your charmingly indie and underground artist that we couldnt' possibly have known about releasing a single?
liquidindian: She was in The Pipettes.
liquidindian: Not that underground, surely.
Niteowl: repeat my last statement, replacing 'artist' with 'group'
stresstwig: is that, pip-ette, or pipe-ette
Niteowl: i don't think you guys can handle how hardcore mainstream I am
stresstwig: niteowl mainlines linkin park for breakfast

Out Katya'ed

stresstwig: http://ask.metafilter.com/143113/Bleeding-at-will
Katya: the answer is "Cork"
Niteowl: "you know how you hold in a fart?"
Katya: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA niteowl
Katya: oh god
Katya: that's vile
Niteowl: why?
Katya: maybe i misunderstood you
Katya: because isn't the joke if you hold in a fart too long, it just shoots out after a while
Katya: due to pressure
Katya: just imagined that with menstruation
Katya: and does not sound good for my cleaning bill
Niteowl: oh wow, out Katya'ed by Katya
Katya: YEAH
Katya: IM THE BEST

Demigod : Rook

Katya: the rook is fast
Katya: IN HIS MIND
Katya: as he thinks about his kittens
Katya: he has kittens that live inside him
stresstwig: kittens are to rook as the living furniture in beauty and the beast was to that mansion
Katya: the rook spends his down time knitting little ribbons for his kittens
Faux Real: kittens run the head trebuchet
Katya: and wear engineer caps
Katya: toot toot!
stresstwig: the head cat's name is conductor scribbles
Katya: whenever little kids run behind the rook doing the trucker "honk your horn" thing, you know the kittens oblige
Katya: he shits catnip and pees fresh cream
Faux Real: rooks voice is just one giant kitty in his chest yelling through a mile of bullhorn
Katya: i think we can say it. When kitties die, the end up in the Rook
Katya: to frolic and disembowel
stresstwig: when rook crumbles, kitten souls are released in a great whoosh
Katya: Sedna's tiger is jealous
Faux Real: why it pounces

Splinter Cell : Hard Sell

stresstwig: Tis niteowl's cry of danger in the night
stresstwig
: and that he fears a shadow's jump and crawl
stresstwig: that leaves him in the wake of some bright light.
stresstwig: We know his skills are like protective shawl--
stresstwig: though splinter cell, that game of sneak and kill
stresstwig: he doth refuse to play, and snap some neck
stresstwig: with practice he might flourish in this skill
stresstwig: in time, those spies might jump at call and beck.
stresstwig: the dark is naught a thing to fear or shun,
stresstwig: the spy is not so diff'rent from the pack,
stresstwig: for tee eff too doth hold a sim'lar fun:
stresstwig: those two who sneak around all dressed in black.
stresstwig: so come and, sir, guide us from misery
stresstwig: join us in splinter cell: chaos theory.

Crafty!

spruce: what would a shaven tribble look like? Just this fat ball of skin with a mouth and anus?
Katya: hahahaha
spruce: it'd be disgusting, I'm sure
spruce: nothing can be cute if it doesn't have eyes
jdharper: you can glue on some of the googly eyes

Ideal

spruce: hey, jerkfolk
Faux Real: jerkfolk?
Faux Real: i am at least an meankin
bigjimslade: I'll own up to it though
chrisd: mornin' all
spruce: jermklaine
Cyrano: fuckermensch
liquidindian: Nietzche's lesser known ideal.

Unedited 2

itchy: what is this?
spruce: I guess we'll find out in a minute
itchy: i'm afraid
spruce: wrap yourself in plastic and cover your genitals
itchy: way ahead of you

Bad Lieutenant

stresstwig: so faux and i went to go see bad lieutenant last night
spruce: did you love it?
stresstwig: i have no idea
spruce: EXACTLY
stresstwig: you've seen it?
spruce: yeah
stresstwig: yeah our post movie conversation
stresstwig: me: that was awesome
stresstwig: him: i can't tell if you're joking or not
stresstwig: me: NEITHER CAN I
spruce: it's not one of those movies where you wonder if you should be laughing, it one of those movies in which you wonder if the director is laughing a you

Inconsiderate

ralph: I am not cryptic.
ralph: I am inconsiderate of my audience.
ralph: There's a difference you know.
Niteowl: i'd call you 'barely functional in written English', but sure, pass it off as an interesting affectation
Niteowl: because sometimes you run out of Yerbe Mate
chrisd: remember, it pays better to to be wrong and cryptic than wrong and plainspoken.

Unedited

spruce: are you scared of inspiration?
Cyrano: trim your bikini line then.

Ice Trays

Cyrano: oh yeah. dated a philipino for a bit.
Cyrano: she had two kids when i met her and had three more after we broke up.
niteowl: you dawg
Cyrano: more than twelve months after we broke up!!!
niteowl: told you not to freeze your baby batter
Cyrano: i did think it was weird when she asked to to jerk it into an ice cube tray.
niteowl: you just thought she was overly neat?
spruce: different culture!
spruce: I use that excuse a lot on my wife. IN MY CULTURE IT IS FORBIDDEN FOR HUSBAND TO DO DISHES
niteowl: hahHAHAHhAh
Cyrano: look, if there's a woman in the room when i'm doing it, it counts as sex and i don't ask questions.
niteowl: IT"S A SIGN OF GREAT DISRESPECT FOR ME TO DO ANY HOUSEWORK! OR NOT GO TO SLEEP IMMEDIATELY AFTER FINISHING UP IN THE ICE-TRAY
spruce: haha
spruce: BUT PLEASE REMOVE MY JUNK FROM THE ICETRAY WHEN I FALL ASLEEP
niteowl: AS A SIGN OF RESPECT
Cyrano: WHY ARE THREE CUBES MISSING?
niteowl: WHY IS MY OLD FASHION SO CLOUDY?
niteowl: AND SATISFYING?
niteowl: AND MAKING ME REMEMBER BOY SCOUTS!?
Cyrano: ah Boy Scouts, the first time I remember seeing real disappointment in my dad's eyes...