Saturday, November 27, 2010

Or, working

cheesoning: no idea what all that stuff means, but I'm registered
cheesoning: I expect to get naked pictures of hairy men now.cheesoning:  thanks for the tip Niteowl!
liquidindian: Always expect that.
Niteowl: you mean you're just expecting it NOW?
Niteowl: you must have excellent spam filters

Time Corrupts All Things

stressmib: are we having a lighthearted back and forth about killing each other in some hilarious stage play or am I going too far with the faux trash talk
stressmib: cause calling me punk AIN'T STREET
Niteowl: i'm so fucking street you can't handle how fucking sideways i hold my GAT, bra
stressmib: but seriously you know I am not being serioustato
stressmib: seriously?
stressmib: serious.
Niteowl: i'm still doing that hiccupping thing after you cry real hard and can't talk well and my chest is goign up and down uncontrollably
stressmib: would a push pop help
Niteowl: unless that's slang for some sort of deviant illegal in 38-states sexual favour, no.
stressmib: hah
stressmib: you know, i treasure these little talks
stressmib: you'll remember your ol' stresstwig after you've gone off to college right
Niteowl: me too
Niteowl: hard to get my pants back on before my coworkers turn around
Niteowl: trick is, not to drop them right to my ankles
stressmib: so this would explain the polaroid of you I have that says 'NEVER PM AGAIN TRUST ME"
Niteowl: pfft
Niteowl: you can't trust Stresstwig From the Past
Niteowl: that guy is a fucking prude

At The Source

so, what's the safest way to lose 20 pounds a week?
i want to be fit as a lohmann for the meetup
cut off a limb.
does my ass count as a limb?
hey, there's an idea
tapeworm and cigarettes
tapeworm. cigarettes and met.
well, i'd like to keep my teeth
of course, they're partly to blame for my weight problem i suppose

Two Worlds Colliding!

Fausterion: hey[MeFi] cheesoning: hi
Fausterion: I haven't played in a while, so I'll probably be a bit rusty
[MeFi] cheesoning: you from mefi?
Fausterion: noFausterion: I know niteowl though
Big Jim Slade: you poor bastardFausterion: haha
metamonk: niteowl has this whole internet life we don't know about
metamonk: What animal do you dress up as?
Fausterion: he's an elusive man. A man of many mysteries some may say.
metamonk: mefi stands for me furry infant, we're his regular game now
[OldF] Niteowl: man, i go afk to tend to a small giraffe, a tub of salsa, and twenty interbred orangutans and THIS is the greeting i get!?Big Jim Slade: I'm an Otter-kin!
metamonk: I'm a yiffopotamus
[OldF] Niteowl: AND WHAT AN OTTER!
[OldF] Niteowl: well, YOU think yer a yiffopotomus. maybe, if we're drunk.

You Should See What Happens When Llamas are Discussed

although he hasn't been exposed to any alpacas yet.
Cyrano - do you have a link?
spruce     what kind of father are you?
just kidding - we travel by alpaca now
That's the FIRST thing you expose them to
there should be an alpaca at your wife's bedside in the hospital

metamonk has entered the room
saw your distress signal. How can I help?

Alternate Zing

frohman howcome alternate history is always about a war going a different way
frohman what if the war went the same way, but I was six inches taller. what about THAT storyliquidindian No one's going to read a book called 'Still-shorter-than-average Chris'frohman hmph
Katya zing
frohman I would
frohman in an alternate world I was never so competently zinged right then

The Ol' Switcheroo

if there's an accent for dumb, that guy has it.

my boss just microwaved his lunch of fish sticks and dora the explora mac and cheese
is this some sort of future portal
this is the havoc a young child wreaks

your boss's kid is chowing down on 1/2 a steak sandwich and foie gras.


*starts niteowl imitation, gets bored, abandons it, realizes THAT is perfect niteowl imitation, rushes to type all this in*
Niteowl wtf i finish plenty of imitations
So <obscure author that'd only be required reading at the sort of secondary institution where they have school songs and highly starched yet expensive uniforms and lots of school sayings with teh word 'leader' in it> once said <random military acronym that only the closest, more virginal over-reader of Tom Clancy would ever pick up> and <latin phrase that may or may not have a thin thread of relation to law>. I dunno. sounds about right.
. I dunno. sounds about right.
that was metamonk

Stop Posing With The Soviet Era AK-47, First Of All.

I am not shaving, I am in day 4. And as long as I don't have to put on a suit and go to the city I will keep it until January
or pussy out when it gets offense, Pussy. Itchy*Faux R.
metamonk tried for three weeks but had a meeting last Friday
chickened out and shavdCPA 1.
what happens when you start looking all taliban?

Also, Gals

betaray I might offend you here though, I just find the, "is this something I have to own a big mac to understand" annoying
I'm debating posting:
I only eat organic free range pig vagina, otherwise I can't get hard for the circle jerk for at least 12 hours.Katya offend me?
because i said "k tnx?"
CPA 1. phhhh, that won't offend anyone
Niteowl try harder, pls
frognuts yeah, try harder.
CPA 1. maybe try an accompanying visual image?
cheesoning is it a perceived vagina thing?
betaray you guys are a bad influence
Katya he meant eat in the cunnilingus way.

Spruce Would Make a Very Dark Ad Man

Big Jim S. oh, got a beta invite to Bloodline Champions Closed Beta
Big Jim S. not sure what Bloodline Champions is however
Katya its like dota but first person
spruce sounds like a Eugenics program

Blame Game

I don't think I had cargo pants, but I have had some pants with secret compartments
metamonk you said that but every time I checked there was no surprise
metamonk /owl

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


CPA O. I have an admission: I love the Snapple flavor "Trop-a-rocka" made by Brett Michaels for The Celebrity Apprentice.
I'm not sure what it means
Niteowl does that taste like middle-aged rocker sweat and the guilt of 30 years of unprotected sex with desperate mall-mothers?

CPA O. it's like pear/apricot/mango and cinnamon. the cinnamon totally makes it.

CPA O. and the unprotected sexyup. it's the flavor he designed for the celebrity apprentice finale
itchy seems like a new condom flavor might have been more appropriate
or his own line of bandanas
CPA O. rubber/lube/spermacide


twig you should totally put that on RD, niteowl
itchy should have thrown stamen in there for good measure
Niteowl i can't tell if you are saying that with a sarcastic smirk, under that fertile erotic bed of hair you call a beard
CPA O. you guys are in to sex with flowers, too?!
Niteowl plastic ones only man.
don't be sick
don't bring us down to your level
twig I don't think hair can be fertile.
frognuts safe sex.
Niteowl and when i say plastic flowers, i mean a herd of lives goats. shaved.
but, to be clear, they're ADULT goats, you sick, sick bastard


Niteowl by the by. ANYONE here is free to add posts to it, it's just everyone here are lazy fucks, except for me, I'm just mostly a lazy fuck
itchy geez, how about some POSITIVE motivation?
twig every time you post that is one less time i will bump you up for a google of fleshlight
itchy that works
Niteowl everyone here is a beautiful flower in bud, a scintillating incandescent potential of beauty and truth and power just waiting flower, to fill the world with their light, if only they'd stop being lazy fucks
is that better?
itchy i like the part about flowers
frognuts yeah, very erotic.

RDR: It's like Unforgiven, But Grittier

spruce yeah, me too
I just ran out of steam with it a bit
people would get their wagons stolen and where before I'd help them out, instead I'd just ride on by them.
I became callous, aloof.

Katya a real cowboy
when there are so many bobcats to skin!
or at least three!

spruce I stopped my horse to watch a man get torn apart by coyotes

Random Typo

You go East. In a dimly lit chamber with exits South and West you see a treasure chest guarded by a Bugbear.
43 Potatoes
1 Netted Slingshot Brief
1 Copy of Gay Guide to Tucson
2 More Potatoes
I think frohman is an iHoarder.
I do not understand that command. For a list of commands, type /help


spruce As an American, you should loathe them and everything they stand for!

Cyrano we have the Hilton's for that.
Same basic deal.
Maybe more cocaine.

itchy well remember, i'm half british, so only part of me loathes them
but it seems they could be much more shitty

spruce It's the idea of them that's shitty to me, not them personally.

itchy gotcha
yeah, it's an odd thing
but whatcha gonna do

spruce regicide

Body Heat

Dignan I've been so bored today at work that I spent the last 30 minutes looking at all the sex offenders in my zip code.
spruce trying to find some poker buddies?
Niteowl was there only yours?
and the zipcode of your most favourite scout leader when you were a kid?
stresstwig I can't believe it took you half an hour to realize you weren't looking at facebook

When The GOP Was Bumbling and Adorable

twig twug wasn't there a remake of circus of the stars a couple years ago?
metamonk (tonight the part of metamonk will be played by the writers of 'Murphy Brown')
metamonk rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb Dan Quayle.
(laughter, applause)

"Want" Has Little To Do With It.

h d.
h d.
hey, you guys ever get, like, chin pimples?
h d.
around beard/whisker hair?
CPA 1.
CPA 1.
Love em
he's about to drop the sebomb on us
h d.
ingrown hairs. a big sproingy hair comes out, right?
twig twug
h d.
ruh roh
CPA 1.
I no longer want to participate in this conversation

Throw Poet Coloured Glasses

metamonk all that hate's gonna burn you up, kid
frohman keeps me warm
Dignan has left the room
metamonk he's super touchy about rocky mountain paleoneocon stuff
twig I feel like that should be a palindrome

Keep Your Distance

Man, deciding I wasn't going to deal with any more Stupid until after lunch has really freed up my morning.
Cyrano Also, I've realized that if I just delete shit from my inbox that I don't feel like doing it's almost exactly the same thing as getting it done.
you must be a powerful man
Powerful and lazy look a lot alike if you don't look too close.

Whimsical Title, Horrifying Conseuqences

maybe you should just move to Disney World
get a degree in Imagineering
i would like that!
Of course that's not a career that's all fun and games. I knew an imagineer that got careless working on the It's a Small World ride robots. One bit him, he lost three fingers and suffered third degree burns over his entire body when he fell into the vessel suspension fluid.
Also the singing can grate.
Cyrano Sad part is I can't be 100% sure spruce is kidding.

For Certain Bookworms, That IS Porn

Big Jim S. you finished Sword Of Shananananananabanana?
Big Jim S. I am impressed at your fortitudeCyrano It was college. I worked the night shift at a Subway. And as much as that sounds like a porn setup, I mostly just read at nights.

That's Why Crazy Is

because you have to fight, not just back off because you're worried about losing a small, crazed segment of the population.
on an individual basis, I agree, Spruce. But, ideologically, you shouldn't have to fight when you are espousing a logical, humanistic agenda
they DO engage crazy, though, cheese. they give crazy a bunch of what they want, and crazy gives nothing back
unfortunately crazy has the political bull by the balls

Horrible Plea

mib_m4isr0: will you please come join your friends in the other room
mib_m4isr0: they miss you terribly
mib_m4isr0: some of them are pacing in circles
mib_m4isr0: others, true, are smiling broadly

Waaait a second.

Niteowl: and for once, i'm free of my RD shackles, cuz liquidindian and betaray and bigjimslade are quiet as fuck
betaray: I still like the editing
betaray: i don't want to spend 8 hours looking for the 5 lines of funny
Niteowl: netiher do i

But Just A Soupcon

cheesoning: wild game is typically better for you
spruce: I haven't really experienced 'gamey' food before, but a lot of people don't seem to like it.
cheesoning: people don't like what they're not used to
cheesoning: bison is great
cheesoning: baby seal is pretty good if you use enough adorable puppy sauce
Katya: with a soupcon of infant skin

Sponsored By Spearmint

cyr she's hiccuping now from laughing
b-school just sent out a graduate survey--questions like
what do you think will be the biggest challenge to the economy in the last ten years? a) mexicans...
b) muslim president
i'm more alarmed by the future/past disagreement there
Dignan e)gays
f)reptilian humanoids
g) Hippies
f) The impending UN invasion of America where each existing Wal-Mart store will be converted into a processing center for dissident concentration camps
p) The alphabet
I)Your refusal to buy gum in smaller quantity than cup holder packs


did he get some of your old issues of STAG?
those magazines looked awesomemetamonk
you begin to understand why certain civil rights issues took a while to be resolved
also: sharks, amazons, dead japs


a co-worker of mine had one of those height adjustable desks
he could stand or sit at his computer
it was rad
pricey too
we've got a few of those desks around here.
not for me, thanks.
i probably walk a few miles at work everyday at least, though. helps keep the gut at bay a little.metamonk
any office will let you use them if you claim health reasons
and fake a note
 I'm looking at mine right now
piled high with papers and dust as I sit in the recliner

Historical Accuracy

stresstwig: SIR! NAPOLEON IS CHARGING US FROM BEHIND!stresstwig: I charged your WIFE from behind last night, jenkins!
stresstwig: i hope you wear a general's hat and mutter things like that to yourself while you play

A Flying Squirrel. Flying. It's Genius.

Is it now that I admit I liked Rocky & Bullwinkle?
Because I did.
No sound, except the dropping of jaws.
and you mock niteowl?

But Still, You Know, Shit

Niteowl you're an engineer right?
frognuts yeah
Niteowl what sorta engineering?
frognuts electrical. automated test development, to be specific
Niteowl YOWSA!
fancy pancy!
so you were all about the maths and whatnot?
frognuts not really. we are the last link on the human centipede that is fabless semiconductors.
I was hot shit at university. Now just lukewarm shit.

Abuse of Quotes

speaking of terrible, check out this Hooters clone trying to set up shop in some Chicago suburb:
Katya dear lord cheesoning
a less clever name and HOT WINGS
cheesoning how many drunk assholes will say "you gonna show me?"
Big Jim S. is it owned by Shonie's?
"Our simplicity and unique d├ęcor, featuring traditional tables and bars, and our personable and professional service, along with our quality food, will all be oriented toward creating "highly satisfied" customers."happy endings!CPA 1.
Are the quotes around "highly satisfied" theirs?
"Show-Me's, when you have an appetite for fun"
CPA 1. good lord
cheesoning they sure do need an editor.
CPA 1.
"Come eat here, you'll get a "huge boner" when you see our cheerful wait-staff!
Katya our wings are almost as good as our "blow jobs"
CPA 1. If you tip really well, maybe the waitresses will let you "have sex" with their "vaginas"

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Specific Likes

liquidindian    I hope you're all familar with Bill Bailey.
Niteowl    is it some UK artist/comedian/music group that we could have no way of knowing about until you told us, incredulous as to our lack of taste for you highly geographically specific likes?

Augmented Reality

cheesoning I want cool shit to evolve. I don't know that I have a ton of faith in AR, but I'd be open to it.
twig I think there's a really fantastic narrative art application where you tag things with storys or pictures.
liquidindian I could see its application at parties. Little arrows pointing, and labels: "Avoid this cunt" "This one's alright"

Political Analogies

I hate this whole anti-Obama narrative.
America: "I took viagra like you said, but I've only had excellent sex a few times rather than 24/7, so I've decided to castrate myself."
"It's okay, though, because removing the penis from my body will allow private sector penises to flourish."
"I've also decided to sew up my anus because it's generating a lot of waste."
"There's no real analogy in that last bit, I guess. Sorry."

Harsh Critics

cheesoning Good grief.
liquidindian I like a women who can stand awkwardly, hand on hip.
metamonk the dude who "owns" the boat has his arm around herspruce she moves like a 1999 Honda Asimo robot
cheesoning I'm not even a woman and I'm offended by her.
metamonk and her shoulder is so tense and high it look weird
spruce and her mouthparts look like they were evolved for facilitating the devouring of coconuts or small, whole pigs


niteowl! I'm liking the McDonald book
Big Jim S.
this much football talk, I'm betting Niteowl is in a coma
quick, someone comment on his blog. It'll revive him instantly!
Yeah, if that doesn't do it he's dead.
Busithoth I love how at the end of the trailer for NS2 it says OCTOBER 2009!!!!
or the likeBig Jim S.
they're just waiting for the docs to be finished
Cyrano buuuurrrrrnnnn...

Ouroubous of Meat

twig monk, I take it you haven't ever seen the clips from the episode of wifeswap where one family only eats raw food?
in particular, high meat.
which is raw steak kept sealed in a jar until it molds.
this on top of raw chicken and kefir

metamonk talk about a self-perpetuating meme
people like this bring about the collapse of civilization, and we're all stuck eating raw meat.

Chess, However.

there is an ancient arab folk tale about something like that
h d.
i wanna pull em all out.
what about?metamonk
a hair on the surface of a pond
someone pulls, and ends up pulling out a donkeyh d.
tell it!
hah. what does it mean?metamonk
arabs had at best a tenuous understanding of how water works.


spruce just like I'll remember that Sideswipe was brothers with Sunstreaker, when I'm being shipped off to the Soylent Green reclamation center

Niteowl they were brothers?
how can a ferrari be the brother of a lamborghi---
i mean wtf are you going on about?

spruce you poor, ignorant bastard

Thought Through

Dignan Niteowl, we've done a much better job of not leaving you in here alone after 5:00EST.
frognuts I was promised donuts.Niteowl yes, i'm so happy, you guys are doing a great job of not abandoning me to my work
Dignan We prefer it if you don't get anything done.
frognuts Then, when you lose your job, you'll think back on these good times, and they will warm your heart, as you freeze to death in front of an abandoned adult novelty shop.
Niteowl something to look forward to
Dignan We'll make sure it happens. Especially the part about the adult novelties.Niteowl i find it hard to believe that "Stick What In Where?! Supplier of Quality Polyurethane Dongs and Crowd Pleasers Since 1927" would let one of their Diamond Membership holders die of hypothermia just outside their shop
but whatever.
frognuts Without your frequent bulk orders, they soon go out of business. We have thought this through.
Niteowl thikn of the little man
and the very large dildos
and the little rubber sheep
and the GINORMOUSLY endowed Real Doll™ trannies


CPA 1. it makes me want to molest them
CPA 1. Aren't you precious! How about a ride in my van?Niteowl thanks cpa, that was a succinct defintionso Real Dolls of Tony Danza, a prehistoric 9 foot tall sculpture of an uncircumcised penis, and a yellow box kite are all 'precious' , to you?
itchy now we know what's in your yank tank
CPA 1. fuck yeah
CPA 1. i want to get my precious all over themor have i gone too far
Niteowl you wake up too far man
and that's why you sell the porn stache without even trying

Monday, November 15, 2010

Define, "wrong"

spruce Seeing this site today made me want to build a boat:
itchy can't go wrong with free boat plans!

Only If It's Suddenly, Though

liquidindian Morning!
itchy awfully cheery for a monday
liquidindian I tidies my desk on Friday.
Colleague came in today and thought I'd been sacked.
itchy "Why are you guys high-fiving?"
doing anything out of the ordinary in the office will cause people to speculate
e.g. wearing a tie
itchy = job interview
spruce suddenly having breasts
itchy = job interview

Monday, November 1, 2010

Some Contests Aren't Made For Winning

metamonk Niteowl: how about "concepts in English that shouldn't have their own words"
as a blag topic
Niteowl should NOT?
metamonk shouldN'T.
er, yes
Niteowl gawd, that's rather tricky, ain't it?and that's just a listing of words
metamonk I'll start you offgreat!
CPA O. "synergy"
Big Jim S. gumjob

Like This

Niteowl just registered, just for shits and giggles
itchy are you shitting and/or giggling?because that would be rather depressing
CPA O. who doesn't giggle when they shit?itchy who doesn't shit when they giggle?
i even pee a little
CPA O. people under 40