Monday, March 22, 2010

Story Time! Sleep Something!

betaray: so story time
betaray: in my family there's a long history of doing weird shit in your sleep
betaray: my grand father, father, and myself are known for this trait
betaray: like one time my wife tried to wake me up when I fell asleep on the couch to send me to be
betaray: and I started asking her, "Where's the blue one?"
betaray: while standing, eyes wide open, etc.
betaray: this we after we first moved in together
betaray: so she hadn't fully experienced this yet
betaray: so she's all, "What are you talking about?"
betaray: and I yell at her, "Goddamnit Ginny, you know, THE BLUE ONE!"
betaray: This wakes me up, and I'm standing there thinking, "WTF is going on here?!"
betaray: anyhow, so my dad did this a lot to me as a kid
betaray: and one time he had just gotten done with an "exercise", which is where they'd pretend the base was under attack and ran around all day with guns and stuff
betaray: so my mom and myself are sitting on the couch enjoying the 2 year old programming on AFRTS, and my dad is asleep in a chair
betaray: I notice he's gesturing to us
betaray: he's holding his hands like he's holding an M16 and motioning to us
betaray: I'm like, "What do you want?"
betaray: and he's all "shhhhhhh sshhhhhh"
betaray: and makes more gestures
betaray: and I say, "I don't know what you mean."
betaray: then he tells us, "Get me my gun!"
betaray: which there's no gun in the house, and we realize, "Oh he's doing his crazy sleep thing."
betaray: so we both start laughing, and this pisses him off
betaray: he's like, "They're in the kitchen!"
betaray: and we're, "Who's in the kitchen?"
betaray: and about this time he's starting to return to reality, but basically there's Russians in the kitchen and he needed his weapon to take them out
betaray: I don't know if the hilarity of the situation comes across in text, but your comment was just so close
betaray: the capper to the story was that we were reading Pippy Longstockings at the time, and that night's chapter was, "Pippy faces the burglars." which was extremely funny to my 8 year old self
betaray: but now I'm the butt of the new generation of stories
betaray: the one about peeing in my shoe is probably the best
betaray: well, I'll skip to the punch line
betaray: I was asleep peeing in my shoe, and my dad finds me
betaray: and he tells me that the thing he though was most impressive is other than the shoe over flowing with pee I had dead on aim
stresstwig: hahahahaha

stresstwig: hahahahaha
stresstwig: we had a kid on our freshman dorm floor who would get wasted and then sleepwalk pee in places
stresstwig: one night we were all in the kitchen
stresstwig: and he stumbles in, half drunk half asleep
stresstwig: 'I'M GOING TO PEE"
stresstwig: and we all kind of laugh, thinking he is just out of it and stumbling down the hall
stresstwig: then we stop laughing as he walks into the kitchen, goes to the recycling bin and unzips
betaray: haha, anyone try to stop him?
stresstwig: nope
betaray: haha
stresstwig: he was well known for belligerent physicality
stresstwig: which actually reminds me of another peeing story and that kitchen
stresstwig: there was one crazy girl who was my girlfriends roommaate
stresstwig: she eventually left school and became a nude model for some offbrand suicide girls site
stresstwig: anyways, it was her birthday
stresstwig: and they were having a birthday party in the kitchen and two guys were making jokes
stresstwig: and she was pretty sloppy drunk
stresstwig: and after laughing she got really quiet and said "stop joking"
stresstwig: the two guys kept doing whatever they were doing
stresstwig: and she got really loud and stern and said 'STOP JOKING OR I WILL PEE"
stresstwig: and then she just stood up, peed herself, and left
betaray: nice
betaray: that's probably quite the talent for a very specific kind of a cam-girl site

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