Niteowl: i can see why CSI thinks we talk in leet
JDHarper: i vote TF2. i miss that game
Niteowl: we played last night
Niteowl: about 16 peeps, good times
JDHarper: Aw, I missed it.
stressmib: TQ?!
stressmib: what's that!?
ralph: it's generally considered kinda dumb to make improvements to a rental
ralph: I mean, I only just finished ripping out the pipes and putting in a new kitchen
Niteowl: don't kid, my coworker does that
Niteowl: improves the FUCK outta the rental, all the time
Niteowl: always sticking it to the man, i tells him
Niteowl: ralph: didja see my tweet about crackhouse vs mansion?
Niteowl: http://www.crackshackormansion.com/
stressmib: why do I get the feeling that flash plug in is completely unnecessary
stressmib: oh hey madballs is free this weekend
stressmib: that game sounds familiar
stressmib: having trouble placing it.
Niteowl: naw
Niteowl: it's new
Niteowl: sounds like fun
Niteowl: let's all buy it!
stressmib: what could go wrong?
stressmib: SCREEN TO BLACK
stressmib: FIVE YEARS LATER DISPLAYS
***stressmib is bound in chains, being lashed in a sandy ditch
Niteowl: that wouldn't take five yars
Niteowl: or five years
Niteowl: a viking and a half, max
***stressmib looks towards a giant stone monolith of NITEOWL, wearing multiple crowns
stressmib: HOW COULD WE HAVE LET YOU CONVINCE USE TO BUY THAT GAME?
Niteowl: I DIDN"T
Niteowl: i swear, it wasn' tme!
***Niteowl actually isn't sure if it was or wasn't
stressmib: the work chief stomps out stresstwig's knees
***stressmib lies on the ground, sobbing
stressmib: CAMERA TILTS UP TOWARDS SKY
Niteowl: a moose.
stressmib: LAST THING WE SEE IS NITEOWL STATUE, SUN GLEAMING OFF OF THE EYE
stressmib: I'm thinking of linking every single ra3 thread stav starts to each other
stressmib: "dunno if anybody else saw this other RA3 thread over here, thought I'd point to it"
Niteowl: ahhahaHAHA
stressmib: or maybe just "also"
Niteowl: it was nice knowing you on the forums, stressmib
Niteowl: See also
Niteowl: nnono
stressmib: haha
Niteowl: start a new thread
stressmib: previously
Niteowl: that indexes all the other RA threads
stressmib: hahahahahaha
stressmib: when 2.0 hits I'll just start a million groups devoted to it
JDHarper: possibly link to the RA3 spam in the twitter feed as well
stressmib: more importantly, I'm going to keep a group running of all threads with less than 4 unique posters
stressmib: not to mention all of the groups devoted to threads devoted to the twitter account that is WHAT_DAIRY_STRESS_CONSUMED_TODAY
chrisd: later killers
chrisd left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
Niteowl: you are a RA genius
Niteowl: i can'te believe th eluck
Niteowl: that stav is obsessed with a game that draws the most cancerous, annoying players away
Niteowl: it's like he's the chaff in a jet fighter
stressmib: kind of amazing
stressmib: speaking of, BC2 was fun last night until none of us knew how to change the server over
Niteowl: haha
Niteowl: i was still having fun
Niteowl: needed to get the motion mines to get you bastards out of your overhanging ridge
Niteowl: that shit was killing us
Niteowl: snipers sniping from a SNIPING POSITIONG?! EGADS
Niteowl: use a saiga and motion mines like the rest of us schlubbs
stressmib: i fucking hate shotguns
Niteowl: WHY!?
stressmib: it brings out some rage for me
stressmib: i don't know
Niteowl: because it takes no skill and just blind luck and aggression?
Niteowl: that's just my style
***Niteowl shrugs
stressmib: everytime i get killed by one 50 percent of me wants to call you all noobtubes
JDHarper: shotguns are great!
Niteowl: from SUPER CLSOE FIRES 10 million bullets a second KILLING MASHEEN to Longer Range SHOTTIES OF DEAETH it's like, saiga, usas12, m14
Niteowl: i'm going to change my name to noob tubes
JDHarper: at least I have a chance with an enemy with a shotgun
JDHarper: a decent sniper will kill me before I even know where he is
stressmib: it just feels like shotgun escalates the entire game to having people use the shotgun
stressmib: in the same way a tank makes people switch to engineers, shotguns make people switch to shotguns
Niteowl: IT"S THE ONLY WAY I KILL THINGS mr. I can Aim and use tactics
Niteowl: douchewaggle
Niteowl: trick to killing shotgunners is to stay in areas where they have cross open ground
JDHarper: it's the pyro argument all over again
stressmib: haha
JDHarper: W+M1!
Niteowl: antyhign closer thatn FUCKING CLOSE is useless
Niteowl: i'm useless
stressmib: that's not at all what I'm saying JD
stressmib: I think, with the exception of a sniper rifle, the shotgun makes other guns practically useless in almost all quarters
stressmib: we were playing squad death match and arcolz was killing everybody with a saiga from assault range
Niteowl: wtf!
Niteowl: really?
Niteowl: that's nuts
stressmib: yes
stressmib: i'm not saying they take no skill
Niteowl: nono, it doesn't
stressmib: I'm saying they render other guns useless in their necessary areas
Niteowl: believe me, i know
Niteowl: are you going for the headshot? of coruse you are, youngun
Niteowl: i think the shotties have such a massive spread, it's easy to get a HS
betaray: man this game always sounds so fun when you guys talk about it
stressmib: maybe that's it
JDHarper: betaray: it actually is a ton of fun
Niteowl: i thought you played it, betaray?
Niteowl: i coudla swore i've played with you
stressmib: we're not going to argue about how fun it is betaray
betaray: I do not own it
stressmib: what's the point in that, we all agree
Niteowl: i'm still in the hallowed time when i'm not shit
Niteowl: soon everyone will ctach up and it'll be just like me and spying and tf2 now
Niteowl: BANG BANG YER DEAD WELCOME TO STHE SPAWN QUEUE
Niteowl: i dunno if i'll ever get sick of demolishing cover/buildings or crashign copters
mib_sbxgyf [Mibbit@cloak-935FEB6E.austin.res.rr.com] entered the room.
stressmib: i'll never get tired of sniping an itchy who is trying to snipe me
JDHarper: ! an encroacher!
mib_sbxgyf: is jabber down?
Niteowl: it is
Niteowl: WHO IS THIST?!
Niteowl: OMFG!
stressmib: it's faux
Niteowl: FAXY
mib_sbxgyf: is steam down?
Niteowl: FOXY FAUXY!
mib_sbxgyf: my steam can't find the internet
stressmib: try it agian
mib_sbxgyf: it took you telling me to try again
stressmib: yes
mib_sbxgyf: i had tried 3 times earliet
stressmib: i know
stressmib: i worked in a computer lab
stressmib: this is how these things work
stressmib: It won't print. *clicks print, it prints*
Gemmy [Mibbit@cloak-DA885183.hsd1.va.comcast.net] entered the room.
stressmib: embarrassed shuffling of papers
stressmib: gemmy enters the computer lab
stressmib: the room goes silent
Gemmy: Hey, you guys are here!
Gemmy: sorry, I can leave?
stressmib: no no
stressmib: you are part of the tableau
Gemmy: lol
stressmib: the computer lab tableau
stressmib: oh there's no log here is there
Gemmy: The blonde in the corner, writing furiously
stressmib: so this probably makes little to no sense
Gemmy: no
Gemmy: eh, just like life ;)
stressmib: ces't la vie!
Niteowl: i was pretty chafed that you took to BC2 so quickly Gemmy
Niteowl: took me many hours of cursing and being angry to even get the GIST of it
Niteowl: 'BUT I CAN"T EVEN FIND THE BAD GU-BOOOM'
mib_sbxgyf: pretty straight forward shooter

Rat

ralph
I turned away, it disappeared
the next morning, dog and/or gf had taken care of it
it was a roof rat, not the sewer rats we get in the garbage out front
actually kinda cute

Katya    
so a... higher.. class of rat?

ralph
looked down on the black rats

Frohman    
i bet his rat family is wondering when he's coming home
little hungry rat children
weeping rat wife
brave teenage boy rat, having to shoulder the responsibility of leading the family from now on. a burden he always knew he'd someday have, but... this soon? this soon? he's barely had a childhood.

ralph
he'll marry early in a desperate bid for the stability he never had

Frohman    
squaring his rat shoulders, his eyes shining. no tears now. no tears, ever, anymore. it was time to grow up, time to oh wait he just got run over by a UPS van

In America, This Is Called Cultural Sensitivity

spruce	You know what the great thing about Russians is? They look like Russians. There's a very distinctive look to them.
	sallowness mixed with dead, sunken eyes
	mouths that look both smirking and disapproving at once
ralph	some kind of color wheel might help diagram this out
	Poles - work ethic =russians
	germans - good posture + pessimism
ralph	spruce that look you identified--always struck me as "this person doesn't care what you think. And doesn't even need you to know that"

Saints Row 3

stresstwig: did you get all that sweet SR3 dlc or just the base game owly
[OldF] Niteowl: just base
[OldF] Niteowl: base looks plenty nuts
stresstwig: indeed
stresstwig: indeed.
[OldF] Niteowl: wow, of the 21 best selling titles on steam at the moment, i only have 8
stresstwig: for shaaaaaaaaaaaame
[OldF] Niteowl: i like what i like
[OldF] Niteowl: if War of the Roses and Age of Chivalry were on there, i'd get it in a heartbeat
stresstwig: why are you bringing donkey/yam fanfic into this
[OldF] Niteowl: because it fits into every situation
[OldF] Niteowl: it's like the ketchup of conversation topics
stresstwig: hahaha
stresstwig: next time you use that line! make sure you say catsup

Baseline

Cyrano	I'm dealing with, "I want to tell you how I thought about you this weekend when I saw another woman's shoes, but I don't want to sound too much like a serial killer."
	Don't even try to win this one.
	How do you think that would look on a shirt?
Niteowl	pretty good as 'How do you think you'd look as a shirt?'
Niteowl	(don't say that)
	(pro tip)
	(also don't ask me how to NOT sound like a serial killer)
cheesoning	I was thinking of "Do you lotion your back?"
Cyrano	It's like when I saw that a woman in an elevator at work had a really great pedicure--but she wasn't someone I knew--So I spent the rest of the day thinking, "It's a damn shame there's not a good way to complement a complete stranger's toes..."
CPA-ONE	Just how stretchy is your skin?
Cyrano	"Without sounding like you want to put them in seperate jars."
cheesoning	we have pretty extensive training on sexual harassment for new employees here.
	(tips on the best way to harass newbs. Yep.)
	but it's crazy - you can't tell someone that their hair looks nice according to the rules.
CPA-ONE	it's funny how sexual harassment takes a sharp upwards spike after sexual harassment training
Cyrano	All I wanted to say was, "Hey, nice work... Good call..."
cheesoning	there's the possibility that they might take it as "I want to fuck your hair"
Cyrano	Couldn't find the words that would work.
	(And not possibly get me sued into oblivion.)
cheesoning	"If I was some lecherous foot fetish person, I would probably have a huge boner right now. Thank goodness for both of us I'm not!"
	"but seriously, who does your toes?"
Cyrano	I'm not a foot fetish person! Really nice shoes need to have a woman in them!
	A woman who's still attached to the feet!
	And not being held somewhere against her will!
cheesoning	see? totally normal.
Cyrano	I think I'm clearing the baseline.

Rat

metamonk    
I turned away, it disappeared
the next morning, hicks and/or sam had taken care of it
it was a roof rat, not the sewer rats we get in the garbage out front
actually kinda cute
Katya    
so a... higher.. class of rat?
metamonk    
looked down on the black rats
Frohman    
i bet his rat family is wondering when he's coming home
little hungry rat children
weeping rat wife
brave teenage boy rat, having to shoulder the responsibility of leading the family from now on. a burden he always knew he'd someday have, but... this soon? this soon? he's barely had a childhood.
metamonk    
he'll marry early in a desperate bid for the stability he never had
Frohman    
squaring his rat shoulders, his eyes shining. no tears now. no tears, ever, anymore. it was time to grow up, time to oh wait he just got run over by a UPS van

There You Go, Talking Like You've Never Heard of a Ford Nova

GXG just poking around about it
looks like you have to show up to vote, but with secret ballots they can't prove that you actually voted
one phrase I saw was "compulsory turnout"
spruce http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_el…
$20 fine if you don't vote
of course you're not exactly getting people more informed as voters, just because you're making them vote
liquidindian No, but it's a start.
liquidindian I don't drive, so I know nothing about cars. But if I had to start driving tomorrow or else, I might do a bit of research on which one the brake is.

Reasonable Reaction

frohman
SIR YOU SEEM UNCOMFORTABLE BY THE MY HAND WRIGGLING INTO YOUR CRACK AND UNDER YOUR BALLS. PLEASE COME WITH ME
they can also use bees to find explosives
so I think added a bunch of bees would help
Niteowl
have we stripped ppl of their epinephrine shots by that point?
Faux R.
can't have bees without bears
frohman
guy with uzi, dogs, bees, fondling from minimum wage earner, magic naked ass-viewing box
Faux R.
has to be in one oz containers, no needles
frohman
and bears
also, please remove your shoes
and no shampoo
cheesoning
seems like the airport is your destination, froh. Forget the flying part!

So, Annoyance, Then?

Katya so i guess meg whitman has spent like 140 million of her own money trying to become governor
i love our country in a way that isn't really love but kind of annoyance

Business Speak Would Never Get That Interesting

Cyrano
Like that TV show with Don Johnson!
Not Miami Vice.
The other one.
With Cheech.
I'm waiting for a teleconference about "Cost Buckets" to start.
Pondering where I went so very, very wrong...

spruce	Buckets
spruce	One of those annoying business-speaky words that no one will use in that context in ten years
Cyrano	"Cost Pile"
spruce	Budgetary Sarlaacs

Cover

Katya
writing a cover letter must be the worst thing in the world
spruce
yeah, it curdles the soul
To Whom it May Concern,
Please eat this bullshit I am sending you
Dignan
Ha! Canadian! ODOURS! HA!
spruce
I'm too classy for this joint!
come on, niteowl, we're out of here
c. d.
don't do it nite, he just wants a decoy
spruce
I like to think I've got a pretty neutral accent, though a co-worker just now mocked me for 'aboot'
spruce
you better believe I called HR and reported her right away
Niteowl
well done
let's have our pre-flight bacon and beer and get oot of here
spruce
let's make like poutine and cause massive intestinal trauma

That's The Spot They Keep Hitting.

h d.
dig and i were pretty much the pinnacle of military soldierness. it's like so many people died, the war effort needed to get the cooks and mechanics to go to the front line. so we went. and repaired. i think a third of the whole team was engineers repairing a single tank.
CPA 1.
I'll never understand how an engineer pointing a welding torch at the floor of a helicopter can keep it airworthy.

Wherein Entire States are Written Off

spruce
are you going to take that arctic survival course you linked to last night, ralph?
ralph
I don't know. It terrifies me appropriately. But I hate seal blubber.
spruce
maybe Idaho should terrify you more
it's full of loons, or so I hear
Idaho is a state that doesn't get a lot of mention.
ralph
most beautiful places are
Wyoming has 500k people. They're almost all assholes.
spruce
Wyoming and Montana are kind of interchangeable to me
arid, hilly cowboy country
Idaho strikes me as Washington's weird, developmentally disabled brother that he doesn't like to talk about
it is beautiful though, for sure
ralph
Colorado is deeply messed up as well--a moderately cool state with a ton of California okies slumming up the place and a fundy streak centered on Colorado Springs, the most beautiful worst place on earth
I don't know why I love it so much when people who aren't in charge of things announce that they're going to "step down."
spruce
that rocketboom thing still exists?
it's weird when some internet things last longer than a year
like I saw that JibJab still exists. Seemed wrong, somehow
it suggests that the internet has an attention span, which is mind-blowing
ralph
I had never heard of it, just knew of elspeth --she's a floatbrain
apparently
spruce
floatbrain?
ralph
not deep
at least, that's how I use it
spruce
I see. Being the dork I am, I picture something more literal
ralph
like advanced hydrocephalus?

No One Is Safe

spruce oompa loompah doopity doo we're going to take obamacare away from you!
Cyrano Like an otter caught in a plastic six-pack ring, no doubt.
liquidindian Got a free book with PC Gamer this month, a collection of pieces from PCG, Edge, PC Zone & PC Format.
liquidindian Was surprised to see no Frohman in there.
spruce straight into the trash, then?
liquidindian No, I said no Frohman.

Schizochatenia

ralph I was beginning to think some other, sterner chatter was doing your material for you
Niteowl you act as if there is more people in this room than just you, me, and my 12 aliases
i'm a mad fast typer
ralph some of the other aliases are smarter than you are.
CPA 1. time to go home to my asian kids. oops, wrong account.
Niteowl also, i'd just call them kids
ralph he also calls chinese food "food"
you're my second favorite filipino on the server
Niteowl no, i'd still call that chinese food
i call meatloaf food
CPA 1. the thing about food is, you're always hungry half an hour later
Niteowl and you are certainly in my top twenty of all time for People I know Who Went To Business School And Like Sailing And Lumbermen Shirts and Who, By All Accounts To Their Exotic And Interesting Heritage Just Look Like an Over Educated Italian Man With An Aversion to Sun
top 25, anyways.
CPA 1. I went to business school, too. But I'm from Norway. :(
Niteowl Yeah, yer number 1 for Norweigian Oregonians Who Actually LIke Perl And Dig Crosstrainers And Disturbingly Thin Moustaches
NUMBER ONE
CPA 1. YES
there's like a couple in my office alone!
Niteowl you can start chanting "USA" now
ralph I'm growing a moustache for movember
Niteowl so you'll be done by 5 minutes ago?

End Scene

ralph awesome article:
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/09…
there was a new yorker article about people who had jumped off the golden gate and survived
Niteowl is this the same article that you've linked to me twice?
CPA 1. You quoted that from memory, ralph?
ralph a great quote
Niteowl i'm not reading it a third time for god's sake man
do not remind him of his good memory, he's rather overly proudo f it
CPA 1. jesus god
Niteowl like his dizzying array of lumberman shirts
CPA 1. hahaha
ralph wow, uh, owl, you know me really well
kinda weird, that
Niteowl it is strange that two people who have chatted online incesssantly for close on two years who know something of each other
CPA 1. plus the spy cams he was able to install
CPA 1. or was that a secret
Niteowl pfft, install
you mean, 'check up on'
CPA 1. haha
ralph gf just said "HEY that's MY material"
Niteowl ralph is everyone's material
ralph *removes hand from "thinking position" in waistband*
CPA 1. gross
Niteowl 'ra' of course, meaning, 'everywhere',and 'lph', coming from a little used coptic expression meaning 'that dodgey stuff you find between your third and fourth toenail after going a bit native and neglecting to wear shoes for a month.'
Niteowl another way to get on ralph's good side, make obvious mistakes in sailing terminology and let him correct you
(or completely clueless ones, it amounts to the same thing)
CPA 1. hahahah
ralph "teowl" meaning good warm useful item for hitchhikers
and "ni " meaning bad or not
CPA 1. raise the yardarm! avast the fo'c'sle!
ralph PERFECT
Niteowl being a useful warm item for hitchhikers, of course, the reason that monk wears those lumbermen shirts
that and he's never really given up on grunge
or his blue collar aspirations
ralph my only blue collar aspiration is to get away from those grubby people.
ralph hahahaha okokok you win
this round
Niteowl whenever you wanna dance, old man
Niteowl i mean that literally, don't get creepy about it
i like west coast swing
and any song, slowly. very slowly.
ok, creeped myself out
ralph no, thank god
you stopped that streak
Niteowl well done niteowl of 4 seconds ago, you creepy fuck
CPA 1. keep going...almost there

Joystick Dong

[OldF] Niteowl: i like the idea in miner wars
[OldF] Niteowl: your flying around like, rocks and shit
Cyrano: It'll be like that on BSG episode with Apollo at the Cylon factory...Cyrano: You know the one...
Cyrano: Like, *THE BEST* one.
[OldF] Niteowl: when you say Cylon Factory, i think of the Universal ride
Cyrano: Wait.
Cyrano: Did you watch BSG?
[OldF] Niteowl: the original? a zillion years ago
[OldF] Niteowl: every 3 seconds adama is sacrificing his son for teh good of the fleet
Cyrano: No , no... the new one.
[OldF] Niteowl: oh, fuck yeah
[OldF] Niteowl: why the fuck can i not remember apollo in the cylon factory
Cyrano: OK then, the episode where they had to jump every [X number} of minutes and the Apollo blowing the Cylong base eps. were the best.
Cyrano: Cylong.
[OldF] Niteowl: er
[OldF] Niteowl: you're not thinking of Blowjob Gal Acts it Up , are you?
[OldF] Niteowl: with Apollodong and Starbutt?
Cyrano: The recent porn version of the '60's Batman tv show?
Cyrano: *REALLY* well done.
Cyrano: Don't know if BSG got the same treatment.
[OldF] Niteowl: i'm sure it got A treatment
Cyrano: I did see in an "adult" video store back in the early 90's a "Cyrano" movie where instead of the usual penis the movie centered around a dildo badly hooked-up to a guy's nose.[OldF] Niteowl: that must do a number on his neck muscles
Cyrano: It was a year of so before I cemented my online identity.
Cyrano: You know what? Fuck it.  I'm Googling "Cyrano Porn".  See you on the flipside...
[OldF] Niteowl: so are you going to buy this game and never play it with me or not?
Cyrano: Is it a joystick game?  I'm just asking because I'll need a joystick?
[OldF] Niteowl: i'm assuming it is
[OldF] Niteowl: you expect me to READ the site?
Cyrano: Sorry.  Trying to find a torrent of a movie of my ingrained online namesake with a dick as his nose...
Cyrano: But, yeah, sure... joystick whatever...

Not In A Good Way

Dignan
I'm ready to get election season over with.
spruce
yeah
it's like getting your face rubbed in shit in slow motion

AskMe

spruce
especially avoid the relationship AskMes. Those are horrible.
metamonk
as a privileged mostly white urban sophisticate, I despise the mirror askme holds up
"I just bought this. How can I maximize my enjoyment of it?"
Cyrano
"I am incapable of making even the most basic decisions without validation. Please help!"

Volcanoes

chundo: so apparently my wife is stuck in london for yet another week
liquidindian: Oh dear.
liquidindian: Chundo - volcano related?
chundo: yes
cheesoning: fishing for a rub & tug?
cheesoning: I'm not biting.
liquidindian: If so, I have bad news.
liquidindian: It seems that the neighbouring volcano, Hekla, is now erupting.
chundo: fuck you, iceland
Cyrano: it's be a geologically rough last six months or so.
liquidindian: Grammatically rough last minute.