The Full Campaign

spruce
we should talk about the pink header instead of politics
itchy
pink header is for awareness
spruce
of headers?
itchy
whatever you think people need to be aware of
itchy
there's also a matching rubber bracelet on the way

It's The Robot Yelling Voice That Freaks Me Out

frognuts They have dogs too, we should have dogs.
Faux R. dogs make more sense and are faster
Faux R. and can smell seizures and when people are nervous why would anyone be nervous at an airport
with all the dogs?
frohman heh
STEP FORWARD BY THE ENORMOUS KILLER DOG TO BE SCANNED NAKED BY THE MAGIC PORN BOX. WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS?
frohman SIR YOU SEEM UNCOMFORTABLE BY THE MY HAND WRIGGLING INTO YOUR CRACK AND UNDER YOUR BALLS. PLEASE COME WITH ME

Life Coach

spruce: if they're being obvious dicks, then that's a bootin'
spruce: if there's mild sass, a warning, sure
Niteowl: list of People I Want To Stab In The Eye with a Dull Knife is getting alarmingly long
Niteowl: course, ralph being in there 11 times doesn't help any
Cyrano: time to stop listing and start stabbin.

Douchggle

ralph
google searches guaranteed to produce irritating text
"quite the"
twig
As an Author
ralph 
"moms agree"
c. d.
"why are arabs"
Niteowl
"ostensibly to"
"far be it for me to"
"it's common sense PEOPLE!"
"supply and demand, look it up"
"not to be pedantic"
liquidindian
"speaking as a mother"
Actually, just "speaking as a"
Niteowl
"doesn't really feature in high-level play"
"if you're serious about"
twig
"your child"

Canadians Don't Brag.

[OldF] Niteowl: man, this server is like Canadian TO THE EXTREEEME
[OldF] Niteowl: that guy who speaks purposfully SUPER deep to be all leadershippy and shit bugs the fuck outta me
greens: but you know he practices that voice in front of a mirror
greens: nude
greens: so, you're still ahead
[OldF] Niteowl: HAHAH
[OldF] Niteowl: my leather g-string makes me CLASSY
[OldF] Niteowl: i act according to a christian's server's rules with surprisingly little difficulty
greens: HAH
[OldF] Niteowl: ALL CANADIAN BRA!
greens: HEH
greens: faggot
[OldF] Niteowl: HAH

I Think It's Called "Table Tennis", In That Case.

[OldF] Niteowl: jesus christ what server have you lead me to
greens: JUST DON'T SWEAR
greens: whatever you do
[OldF] Niteowl: i have such a strong urge to FUCK with them
greens: Oh, you can. Just sly it up.
[OldF] Niteowl: OH NOT COOL MAN, i ain't comign to yer damn prayer meeting this wednesday
greens: the last zing I got in on mic, after some dude killed me was "THAT WASN'T VERY CHRISTIAN OF YOU"
greens: *crickets*
greens: SO polite, here.greens: Like a REALLY serious game of ping pong

Salt Rubber Liner?

[MeFi] cheesoning: this is making me sad. I can't get on the fucking christian server and play and it's all my favorite people playing.
[MeFi] cheesoning: I had a shit bag of a night, too
[MeFi] cheesoning: fuck
[MeFi] cheesoning: (bet you can't say that)
[MeFi] cheesoning: FUCK FUCK FUCK
[MeFi] cheesoning: heh
[OldF] Niteowl: OHNOES
[OldF] Niteowl: wanna go .. play BC2 or something?
[MeFi] cheesoning: NO
[MeFi] cheesoning: I don't have BC2
[OldF] Niteowl: jerk off each other while watching a documentary about hurricanes?
[MeFi] cheesoning: salt rubber inner.
[OldF] Niteowl: I MEAN NEITHER DO I

Absurdity Is Always An Answer

itchy
I wish I had a dollar for each time I've read, "I don't have a horse in this race, but ..." over the past week
monitron
itchy: you should slowly start trying to introduce new versions of that phrase
Katya
i don't have a horse in this race, but i do in my bed."
monitron
itchy: "I don't have a chili in this cookoff, but"
monitron
itchy: "I don't have an STD from this hooker, but"
itchy
there you go monitron ... we need to come up with new ways to say it
Katya
I don't have a penis in this vagina, but...
cheesoning
"I don't have a dong in this logo, but"
cheesoning
so close!
liquidindian
I don't have a cock in this arse, however...
liquidindian
Oh, you went the other way.
Big Jim S.
I don't have a body in this freezer...
monitron
I don't have a gerbil in this cardboard tube, although...
Katya
I don't have a rag in this molotov cocktail, but...
monitron
I don't have a concubine in this harem, nevertheless..
itchy
well here's my problem with the whole "I don't have a horse in this race" thing ... you see, they DO have a horse and they WANT that fucking horse to win BADLY ... but they don't want to look foolish should the horse lose
Katya
I dont have a racist in this lynch mob, but on the other hand...
cheesoning
I don't have a WHAT? in this HOO HA!, but...
itchy
maybe just change it ever so slightly to screw with people ... "See, I don't have a house in this race ..."

Only Way To Improve, I Suppose

Niteowl ive been in games where i'm pissed we lost, and it's like, 200 points
Niteowl and teams wherei lost by 800, and it's all good. i think yer right, it's down to chattiness. and taint jokes.sorry, GOOD chatty
itchy not neurotic chatty?Niteowl not verbal vomitus rammed in the ear with the bludgeoning end of a anti-social asstard
liquidindian Getting feedback, are you?
Niteowl yes, they are touchingly specific

Not The Movie.

Niteowl yeah, wtf CD
your team was faar better, i was surprised we kept it that close
sorry
i mean THEIR team was far better
last biggest gap i've experience was a 300-400 pt loss, which wasn't bad, or didnt' feel bad, at all
maybe it was all the ballsack jokes
c. d. chatty teams make it so much more fun
itchy ^ for all games
Cyrano Yeah, there ain't much worse than a quiet, losing L4D team.Niteowl chatty teams make me care so much less about the score
Cyrano In the online gaming sense.
Blood diamonds are obviously worse.

Gravity

Niteowl
"I don't need to be reminded that failure with an English degree is no preordained."
Niteowl
come again?
Big Jim S.
nnnnggghhhh keep talking about the dead hookers and I will
YES YES I WENT RIGHT THERE WITHOUT ANY HESITATIONNiteowl
well, hopefully with SOME hesitation
or chafing resultsralph
man, gemmy sticks to twitter and this place just sinks into the muck

Character Sketches

ralph
cyr and I were both brit lit majors, I think
Niteowl
so, that'd make you, cyr, and Dok all lit majors
Niteowl er, bit of a mixed bag, there.
Niteowl two cops and a doc
ralph
actually, it;s spydokcop, my dream job when I was nine.
the year before: firepilot.
Niteowl
it's like a failed Bochco pilot
i dont' think anyone mistakes you for a spy, ralph. it's Sergeant who still has some English accent quirks, even though he's never been to England, and a little bit too free with the nightstick; squirrelly and squidgy undercover cop who has frankly almost copped it twice ; alternatingly debonair and flustered doctor

Cyrano's Degrees

Cyrano
I have a history degree and my background has a swimsuit model on it.
Niteowl
do you really?
i always wondered
Automotive Repair and Ascerbic Asides Honours
Biting Quips & Native American Studies Double Major
Molecular Genetics, Minor In Dead Hooker One Liners

Uh, I Think You Meant Irregardless.

ralph ralphette just sent me this pic--from an ad or something
Icon_jpg_small 324Xapic51287339239268…324xapic5128733923926867310
I think it's sarcasm.
my new desktop background, regardless.
Niteowl
wow, you look good in long hair man

Nobody Laughs In German

ralph
leaden, Germanic, morbid, sadistic joviality.
Unless we do it. Then it's edgy.Katya
has left the room
ralph
und stay out.

Typical, Complex, Er, Kinda Dark There

frohman
I need ideas for my Porkton plot
Katya
uncircumcised penis
Big Jim S.
ten-story phallus?
Dignan Giant boner?
cheesoning
dongs
Big Jim S. with lava flowing from the end
Katya
working ferris wheel or carousel
Dignan
Particle accelerator?
liquidindian
An uncircumcised penis that you 'cut' with some TNT.
Katya strider from half life 2
star jones
GXG
an ewok
Gemmy prison

Ah, Youth

GXG
I want to be someone's boss so that I can barge over to them holding a model TIE Fighter and scream "do you know how to fly this thing?" and then throw it across their desk
followed by not being someone's boss for my heinous abuse of power
twig
i would work in that office

Ennui

Niteowl
in other news! neat!
http://www.ratherdepressing.com
CPA 1.
good work!

twig twug none of those books have words on the binding.
Niteowl
it's a poetical thing twig, you wouldn't understand
spruce
it's lie-brary
Gemmy
FAKE BOOKS BURN THEM!!!
twig twug
why does that disturb me so much.
spruce
because you found that book without a title on the binding in your father's library, when you were a boy. You took it down from the shelf and opened it, only to discover that _______________
twig twug
it was really a giraffe!
spruce-libs are my favorite
Niteowl
because they represent the faceless march of literature, of big L, the important canon, the ever growing mass of influence that pushes its way into the public psyche, private lives; also of the small l, the throw away, garbage fiction, the leave it on the train and never finish it fiction, the pot boilers, the 'thrillers', the pop-culture in written form with its lack of insight and instruction. Perhaps because it illustrates the insidious need to show off intellectual prowess by the display of books, and, even worse, the APPEARANCE of books. Or maybe you have a phobia of libraries.
cheesoning
...it had fallen on your foot minutes earlier.
GXG "it was one of those stupid Choose Your Own Adventure books where ever other choice left you crippled/dead/in a living hell of your own devising and it put you off reading so now you're an illiterate blowhard and now you've just gotten elected! Congratulations!"
cheesoning
...you're a cockroach.
...you're actually in a small cafe, but it seems clean and well-lighted.
cheesoning
...you've just killed some Russian woman, and it seems like you'll never be able to shed the memory of it.
twig twug
he found himself, transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin.
ralph
you're borne back ceaselessly into the past.
ralph
reader, you married him!
cheesoning
...your stepdad is a douche and is probably trying to kill you.
ralph
you were a ghost all along.
Niteowl
the gun wasn't where you left it.
ralph
hush.
your motive for killing the arab was ennui.

There You Go, Talking Like You've Never Heard of a Ford Nova

GXG just poking around about it
looks like you have to show up to vote, but with secret ballots they can't prove that you actually voted
one phrase I saw was "compulsory turnout"
spruce http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_el…
$20 fine if you don't vote
of course you're not exactly getting people more informed as voters, just because you're making them vote
liquidindian No, but it's a start.
liquidindian I don't drive, so I know nothing about cars. But if I had to start driving tomorrow or else, I might do a bit of research on which one the brake is.

Occam's Switchblade

iquidindian Read a theory on twitter.
Apparently the Tea Party is doing well because you don't have a word as effective as 'bollocks' to shout when people spout, well, bollocks.
liquidindian "Balls" doesn't cut it.
spruce That's a charitable theory
spruce My theory is that the American voting public is made up of fickle, suggestible and easily frightened meatheads.

It's More Of A Sweatshirt. And A Hat. And A Mug.

ralph: what happened to me?
[MeFi] CPA-ONE : what happened to me?
[MeFi] falconred : ?
ralph: it was a mid-air grenade launcherralph: surprised me mid-pounce
[MeFi] falconred : so I'm awesome is what you're saying?
ralph: you didn't see my t-shirt?
[MeFi] CPA-ONE : #1 grandpa?

The NYC Treat!

bigjimslade: if I ever got involved over there, I know I would end up raging against most of the people there, and I have enough rage in my life
bigjimslade: I'm a big buttery round ball of rage

Unless You Live In Bedrock

ralph: btw, if you live on a block that has a gravel wholesaler, you might not be in the part of town where the embassies are

It Is, But Only If You Read It Ironically

betaray: I'll tough it out here in the wilds of IRC
Katya: thanks
Katya: we can weep together
betaray: spam erotic ascii art to cheer each other up
Katya: (_|_)
Katya: o o o o (_|_)
Katya: that erotic enough for you?
betaray: 8====>
Katya: nice
betaray: that's pretty hot
Katya: we can put those together and really make something happen
Katya: thats all i know
Katya: butts, poop coming out of butts and penises
Katya: where else can you go
liquidindian: We are reduced to a rump.
liquidindian: Which is also a butt.
Katya: see it all works out
Niteowl: man, high brow as fuck in here

It Helps If You Wipe That Look Of Horror/Arousal Off Your Face, First

Cyrano
I think I did a half-dozen sunscreen applications.
I looked like a bukakke victim.

Industries

spruce
there seem to be a bunch of industries missing from that list

ralph
sure
gold monocle manufacturing
twig
Circus

ralph
top hat monogramming
shambok manufacture
Cyrano
that doesn't sound like a survey. that sounds like someone is trying to get you to do their homework.

ralph
(a shambok is a crooked stick used to whack the wogs when you give them a shufti and they're misbehaving)

spruce
what industry do "proletariat-boot heel matching services" fall under?

ralph
dating

Cyrano
"banking"

Listed As The Number 1 Instigator Of Latent Furry Passions

Cyrano
Is that Minnie or a crossdressing Micky?
I need a shame boundry, here.
spruce
I can only hope it's Minnie
but I first thought Mickey
for some reason

Cyrano
I blame Bugs Bunny.

Norman Goddamn Rockwell

Big Jim S.   
have you made the mistake yet of forgetting to cover him when you have the diaper off, cheese?
I did that once, my wife woke me up to change him, forgot to do that and his pee arced gracefully across the table, across the nightstand, and directly onto my wife's face
I told her it was karmashe told me to shut the fuck up
it was such a tender moment

Show Don't Tell

Cyrano   
stay classy, cell phone on speaker in the crapper guy!
spruce   
nice
did you do some theatrical grunting in the stall next to him?
Cyrano   
I did try to finish taking a whiz as quick as possible to get a nice flush in before he finished.

Don't Feed The Neurotic

Dignan    Why is this thing so sparsely populated today?
spruce    still a bit early
liquidindian    Also everyone hates you.

Never Did Get That Tourism Texas! Job.

frognuts    Walking under 101 is so awesome.
spruce    101?frognuts    US-101. Our major highway freeway.
spruce    what's the appeal of walking under it?
frognuts    The trail goes right underneath.
The darkness. The hum and roar of the cars above. The cute girls that work at Google who jog by.
and it's nicer than walking across it.
spruce    that stinky, opaque garbage bag green water?flanked by sub-mediocre restaurants
waddled on by tubby, slack-jawed tourists
c. d.    spruce obv likes it too.

Denouement

iquidindian    Man walks into a bar with Necrotising Fascitis.
Barman asks: "What's eating you?"
frohman    what does the man say
liquidindian    Nothing.
frohman    oh

Bad Company 2 : Failed Recruitment

spruce: ralph, you ever getting bc2?
ralph: I have it, but singleplayer runs slowlyralph: so I haven't played through
stressmib: yeah I had to turn off all sorts of stuff
Gemmy: I haven't touched single player yetGemmy: just mp
spruce: it's a lot less instructive than you think 
ralph: otherwise, I'm just gonna be a dogtag distribution vector for you fine people
ralph: can I play an arab?
Katya: nope just russian
stressmib: you can be an american arab or a russian arab, sure
Niteowl: you can't NOT play arab
Niteowl: oh, in game 
Gemmy: eh, that's OK, meta, you can play and knife me, and I'll knife you, and then we will both knife everyone.see, comeplay
ralph: gemmy, I heard music when I read thatNiteowl: yeah, i'll be yer personal medic, reviving you from death every 5 seconds
Niteowl: kidding, 6

Yes, Yes There Is

liquidindian
He's one of the judges on America's Got Talent.
itchy you think we're just a dumping ground for your trash? that's what australia is for
liquidindian
Ironically, he's the star of his own one-man life, Piers Got Fuck-All Talent.
Gemmy
has entered the room
liquidindian
Oh, it's Gemmy.
liquidindian
Now I feel bad about my potty mouth.
Gemmy Don't feel bad, liquid. Don't be such a pussy.
Gemmy
oh crap, there is a transcript....

Conan The Blacksmith

spruce
yeah, we went to a schmancy place that serves game
had rattlesnake cakes and venisonitchy
sounds ... yummy?
"we ate endangered turtle meat"cheesoning
nice, so you went all Conan on her. Here be the beasts and I forged this metal for your finger.

Little To The Imagination

itchy
so spruce ... how'd it go with the wife?
cheesoning
whoa whoa
context please
itchy
i need details
spruce well the harness fit and the struts bore her weigh but I didn't bring enough fluid and tubing

I've Never Seen A Zombie Operate A Firearm

frohman I'm tired of hearing how Han shot first
technically, Han shot only.
Greedo never shot in the original
he was just murdered
GXG corpses generally do not open fire

Life, Art, Imitation, Etc.

Big Jim S.
so I'm reducing my stress levels and trying to get get the more difficult achievements in Tilt To Live
itchy
now how is that game less stressful?
i can't get far at all in that game
Big Jim S.
I just dig it
itchy
yep, we all have our thing
for you it's tilt to live, for cyrano it's hookers, blow and a predug hole in a corn field
ooh, game idea

Most Adults Say "Beer"

Cyrano

i've made the adult, executive decision that I like mayo and thus am fine with a few extra lbs.

Planned Obsolescence

cheesoning
thing that bothers me most about the Wire season I'm in - all the burners just tossed to the ground. Lots of littering on that show.
Niteowl
yes, cheese, it's the littering of commodity electronics that most disturbed me in a TV show about urban decay, the plight of those imprisoned in an endless quagmire of suffering, violence, poverty, and addiction, and about the inevitable hopeless of living a life worth any meaning under the oppression of the de facto and de jure powers that be.

Ralph And Animal Cruelty Go Together Like WASPs And Entitlement

cheesoning you're catching it from all sides.

abandonment, rudeness

Gemmy earache that won't go away :(

cheesoning man.

ralph five of us trying to make you laugh out loud...

Gemmy which is great!!!

twig just don't think about sad rhinos

ralph  now I'm laughing.

I Dunno, They Both Have Syndicated Network Shows...

Niteowl: i can take rain, precipitiation, drizzle, wet, and showersNiteowl: heat, not so much
ralph: you're like Moist from Dr Horrible
Niteowl: without the charm, yea

Will Get Petter Ratings Than The Crystal Cathedral

spruce
what the hell? http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2010/…
apparently we're supposed to feel bad for Stephen Baldwin

Cyrano
you always haven't?

spruce
how could I pity one so much greater than myself?

itchy
w.t.f.
Did Job have a large jet?or is that stephen baldwin's jet that i'm listening to in the background?
(that is one truly bizarre campaign)
wasn't there a clip of SB riding in the back of a pickup truck in the parking lot of some concert trying to preach to teens, and no one would give him the time of day

spruce
what's a realistic best-case scenario resulting from that campaign?
like maybe he gets some public speaking gigs at some churches or stars in some crappy Christian movies alongside Kirk Cameron

cheesoning
that's the move
this just in - people mock God!

spruce
I mean, if anything, this will make him even more toxic to mainstream Hollywood

cheesoningI think the goal is for him to eventually face off with restored muslims or buddhists in the octagon - no holds

Infinite Conundrum

itchy	i hear ya spruce ... it's mostly for me at this point ... my stomach is officially getting in the way of me doing things
itchy	tying shoes
itchy	peeing
spruce	like seeing your penis?
itchy	i lost sight of it 6 months ago
Cyrano	try doing only one of those at a time.
itchy	i hope it's still there
Cyrano	helps.
spruce	I'm with you though, itchy.
spruce	I've been jogging more and more but it has yet to net any weight loss
Cyrano	i'd like to lose a few pounds.
Cyrano	but i'd also like to have a BLT and a beer for lunch.
Cyrano	so there ya go.

Outside The Level Thinking

stresstwig
in any case, I know batman was a great game, but once poison ivy starts doing her thing, man does it turn into a slog fest
betaray
I have to spend all my time hating on the batman game, otherwise I can't get hard for the circle jerk
Niteowl
batman is an excellent game
stresstwig
don't get me wrong, I loved it.
but the first half was fantastic, and the second half was mostly mediocre rehash of the first half.
I thought it was gonna be a really cool rehash of the first half.
like when you have to do the first stealth room but without gargoyles?
but then that was the only room where that happened
and it was back to "remember this room? well now it has plants that are CRAAAAZY!"
"All hope is lost! there definitely isn't a different vent you have to climb through hey where are you going don't do that"

Truth In Advertising

Niteowl OH DAMN SUCKER PUNCH! http://geektyrant.com/news/2010/11/3/first…
CPA 1. what is that, niteowl?
it looks intriguing, but potentially really dumb
Niteowl some CGI nerd sploogtacular, cpa
CPA 1. GIRLS FIGHTING IN SMALL CLOTHES!

Or, working

cheesoning: no idea what all that stuff means, but I'm registered
cheesoning: I expect to get naked pictures of hairy men now.cheesoning:  thanks for the tip Niteowl!
liquidindian: Always expect that.
Niteowl: you mean you're just expecting it NOW?
Niteowl: you must have excellent spam filters

Time Corrupts All Things

stressmib: are we having a lighthearted back and forth about killing each other in some hilarious stage play or am I going too far with the faux trash talk
stressmib: cause calling me punk AIN'T STREET
Niteowl: i'm so fucking street you can't handle how fucking sideways i hold my GAT, bra
stressmib: but seriously you know I am not being serioustato
stressmib: seriously?
stressmib: serious.
Niteowl: i'm still doing that hiccupping thing after you cry real hard and can't talk well and my chest is goign up and down uncontrollably
stressmib: would a push pop help
Niteowl: unless that's slang for some sort of deviant illegal in 38-states sexual favour, no.
stressmib: hah
stressmib: you know, i treasure these little talks
stressmib: you'll remember your ol' stresstwig after you've gone off to college right
Niteowl: me too
Niteowl: hard to get my pants back on before my coworkers turn around
Niteowl: trick is, not to drop them right to my ankles
stressmib: so this would explain the polaroid of you I have that says 'NEVER PM AGAIN TRUST ME"
Niteowl: pfft
Niteowl: you can't trust Stresstwig From the Past
Niteowl: that guy is a fucking prude

At The Source

itchy	so, what's the safest way to lose 20 pounds a week?
itchy	surgery?
itchy	i want to be fit as a lohmann for the meetup
Cyrano	cut off a limb.
spruce	ha
itchy	does my ass count as a limb?
spruce	tapeworm?
itchy	hey, there's an idea
spruce	tapeworm and cigarettes
Cyrano	meth
Cyrano	tapeworm. cigarettes and met.
itchy	well, i'd like to keep my teeth
itchy	of course, they're partly to blame for my weight problem i suppose

Two Worlds Colliding!

Fausterion: hey[MeFi] cheesoning: hi
Fausterion: I haven't played in a while, so I'll probably be a bit rusty
[MeFi] cheesoning: you from mefi?
Fausterion: noFausterion: I know niteowl though
Big Jim Slade: you poor bastardFausterion: haha
metamonk: niteowl has this whole internet life we don't know about
metamonk: What animal do you dress up as?
Fausterion: he's an elusive man. A man of many mysteries some may say.
metamonk: mefi stands for me furry infant, we're his regular game now
[OldF] Niteowl: man, i go afk to tend to a small giraffe, a tub of salsa, and twenty interbred orangutans and THIS is the greeting i get!?Big Jim Slade: I'm an Otter-kin!
metamonk: I'm a yiffopotamus
[OldF] Niteowl: AND WHAT AN OTTER!
[OldF] Niteowl: well, YOU think yer a yiffopotomus. maybe, if we're drunk.

You Should See What Happens When Llamas are Discussed

cheesoning     
although he hasn't been exposed to any alpacas yet.
liquidindian    
Cyrano - do you have a link?
spruce     what kind of father are you?
cheesoning    
just kidding - we travel by alpaca now
spruce    
That's the FIRST thing you expose them to
spruce    
there should be an alpaca at your wife's bedside in the hospital

metamonk has entered the room
metamonk    
saw your distress signal. How can I help?

Alternate Zing

frohman howcome alternate history is always about a war going a different way
frohman what if the war went the same way, but I was six inches taller. what about THAT storyliquidindian No one's going to read a book called 'Still-shorter-than-average Chris'frohman hmph
Katya zing
frohman I would
frohman in an alternate world I was never so competently zinged right then

The Ol' Switcheroo

cheesoning
if there's an accent for dumb, that guy has it.

twig
my boss just microwaved his lunch of fish sticks and dora the explora mac and cheese
is this some sort of future portal
this is the havoc a young child wreaks

cheesoning
your boss's kid is chowing down on 1/2 a steak sandwich and foie gras.

Counter-Imitation

metamonk
*starts niteowl imitation, gets bored, abandons it, realizes THAT is perfect niteowl imitation, rushes to type all this in*
Niteowl wtf i finish plenty of imitations
Niteowl

So <obscure author that'd only be required reading at the sort of secondary institution where they have school songs and highly starched yet expensive uniforms and lots of school sayings with teh word 'leader' in it> once said <random military acronym that only the closest, more virginal over-reader of Tom Clancy would ever pick up> and <latin phrase that may or may not have a thin thread of relation to law>. I dunno. sounds about right.

. I dunno. sounds about right.
Niteowl
that was metamonk

Stop Posing With The Soviet Era AK-47, First Of All.

metamonk
I am not shaving, I am in day 4. And as long as I don't have to put on a suit and go to the city I will keep it until January
or pussy out when it gets itchy.no offense, Pussy. Itchy*Faux R.
(nice)
metamonk tried for three weeks but had a meeting last Friday
chickened out and shavdCPA 1.
what happens when you start looking all taliban?

Also, Gals

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Spruce Would Make a Very Dark Ad Man

Big Jim S. oh, got a beta invite to Bloodline Champions Closed Beta
Katya SO DID THE WORLD
Big Jim S. not sure what Bloodline Champions is however
Katya its like dota but first person
spruce sounds like a Eugenics program

Blame Game

cheesoning
I don't think I had cargo pants, but I have had some pants with secret compartments
metamonk you said that but every time I checked there was no surprise
metamonk /owl

Snapple

CPA O. I have an admission: I love the Snapple flavor "Trop-a-rocka" made by Brett Michaels for The Celebrity Apprentice.
I'm not sure what it means
Niteowl does that taste like middle-aged rocker sweat and the guilt of 30 years of unprotected sex with desperate mall-mothers?
CPA O. IF ONLY

CPA O. it's like pear/apricot/mango and cinnamon. the cinnamon totally makes it.

CPA O. and the unprotected sexyup. it's the flavor he designed for the celebrity apprentice finale
itchy seems like a new condom flavor might have been more appropriate
or his own line of bandanas
CPA O. rubber/lube/spermacide
AND CINNAMON

Sick

twig you should totally put that on RD, niteowl
itchy should have thrown stamen in there for good measure
Niteowl i can't tell if you are saying that with a sarcastic smirk, under that fertile erotic bed of hair you call a beard
CPA O. you guys are in to sex with flowers, too?!
Niteowl plastic ones only man.
don't be sick
don't bring us down to your level
twig I don't think hair can be fertile.
frognuts safe sex.
Niteowl and when i say plastic flowers, i mean a herd of lives goats. shaved.
but, to be clear, they're ADULT goats, you sick, sick bastard

Motivation

Niteowl by the by. ANYONE here is free to add posts to it, it's just everyone here are lazy fucks, except for me, I'm just mostly a lazy fuck
itchy geez, how about some POSITIVE motivation?
twig every time you post that is one less time i will bump you up for a google of fleshlight
itchy that works
Niteowl everyone here is a beautiful flower in bud, a scintillating incandescent potential of beauty and truth and power just waiting flower, to fill the world with their light, if only they'd stop being lazy fucks
is that better?
itchy i like the part about flowers
frognuts yeah, very erotic.

RDR: It's like Unforgiven, But Grittier

spruce yeah, me too
I just ran out of steam with it a bit
people would get their wagons stolen and where before I'd help them out, instead I'd just ride on by them.
I became callous, aloof.

Katya a real cowboy
when there are so many bobcats to skin!
or at least three!

spruce I stopped my horse to watch a man get torn apart by coyotes

Random Typo

Busithoth
E
frohman
You go East. In a dimly lit chamber with exits South and West you see a treasure chest guarded by a Bugbear.
metamonk
inventory
frohman
43 Potatoes
frohman
1 Netted Slingshot Brief
frohman
1 Copy of Gay Guide to Tucson
frohman
2 More Potatoes
cheesoning
I think frohman is an iHoarder.
frohman
I do not understand that command. For a list of commands, type /help

Royals

spruce As an American, you should loathe them and everything they stand for!


Cyrano we have the Hilton's for that.
Same basic deal.
Maybe more cocaine.

itchy well remember, i'm half british, so only part of me loathes them
but it seems they could be much more shitty

spruce It's the idea of them that's shitty to me, not them personally.

itchy gotcha
yeah, it's an odd thing
but whatcha gonna do

spruce regicide

Body Heat

Dignan I've been so bored today at work that I spent the last 30 minutes looking at all the sex offenders in my zip code.
spruce trying to find some poker buddies?
Niteowl was there only yours?
and the zipcode of your most favourite scout leader when you were a kid?
stresstwig I can't believe it took you half an hour to realize you weren't looking at facebook
Niteowl 'I NEVER EVEN HAD TO PACK A SLEEPING BAG ON OUTINGS!

When The GOP Was Bumbling and Adorable

twig twug wasn't there a remake of circus of the stars a couple years ago?
metamonk (tonight the part of metamonk will be played by the writers of 'Murphy Brown')
metamonk rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb Dan Quayle.
metamonk
(laughter, applause)

"Want" Has Little To Do With It.

h d.
ssssssssssup
h d.
hey, you guys ever get, like, chin pimples?
h d.
around beard/whisker hair?
CPA 1.
sure
CPA 1.
Love em
metamonk
he's about to drop the sebomb on us
h d.
ingrown hairs. a big sproingy hair comes out, right?
twig twug
yes.
h d.
SO CHECK THIS SHIT OUT.
metamonk
ruh roh
CPA 1.
I no longer want to participate in this conversation

Throw Poet Coloured Glasses

metamonk all that hate's gonna burn you up, kid
frohman keeps me warm
Dignan has left the room
metamonk he's super touchy about rocky mountain paleoneocon stuff
twig I feel like that should be a palindrome

Keep Your Distance

Cyrano
Man, deciding I wasn't going to deal with any more Stupid until after lunch has really freed up my morning.
Cyrano Also, I've realized that if I just delete shit from my inbox that I don't feel like doing it's almost exactly the same thing as getting it done.
spruce
you must be a powerful man
Cyrano
Powerful and lazy look a lot alike if you don't look too close.

Whimsical Title, Horrifying Conseuqences

spruce
maybe you should just move to Disney World
spruce
get a degree in Imagineering
Katya
i would like that!
spruce
Of course that's not a career that's all fun and games. I knew an imagineer that got careless working on the It's a Small World ride robots. One bit him, he lost three fingers and suffered third degree burns over his entire body when he fell into the vessel suspension fluid.
liquidindian
Also the singing can grate.
Cyrano Sad part is I can't be 100% sure spruce is kidding.

For Certain Bookworms, That IS Porn

Big Jim S. you finished Sword Of Shananananananabanana?
Big Jim S. I am impressed at your fortitudeCyrano It was college. I worked the night shift at a Subway. And as much as that sounds like a porn setup, I mostly just read at nights.

That's Why Crazy Is

spruce
because you have to fight, not just back off because you're worried about losing a small, crazed segment of the population.
cheesoning
on an individual basis, I agree, Spruce. But, ideologically, you shouldn't have to fight when you are espousing a logical, humanistic agenda
Busithoth
they DO engage crazy, though, cheese. they give crazy a bunch of what they want, and crazy gives nothing back
twig
unfortunately crazy has the political bull by the balls

Horrible Plea

mib_m4isr0: will you please come join your friends in the other room
mib_m4isr0: they miss you terribly
mib_m4isr0: some of them are pacing in circles
mib_m4isr0: others, true, are smiling broadly

Waaait a second.

Niteowl: and for once, i'm free of my RD shackles, cuz liquidindian and betaray and bigjimslade are quiet as fuck
betaray: I still like the editing
betaray: i don't want to spend 8 hours looking for the 5 lines of funny
Niteowl: netiher do i

But Just A Soupcon

cheesoning: wild game is typically better for you
spruce: I haven't really experienced 'gamey' food before, but a lot of people don't seem to like it.
cheesoning: people don't like what they're not used to
cheesoning: bison is great
cheesoning: baby seal is pretty good if you use enough adorable puppy sauce
Katya: with a soupcon of infant skin

Sponsored By Spearmint

metamonk
cyr she's hiccuping now from laughing
metamonk
b-school just sent out a graduate survey--questions like
metamonk
what do you think will be the biggest challenge to the economy in the last ten years? a) mexicans...
metamonk
b) muslim president
metamonk
c)taxes
Dignan
d)liberals
twig
i'm more alarmed by the future/past disagreement there
Dignan e)gays
spruce
f)reptilian humanoids
Cyrano
g) Hippies
Dignan
f) The impending UN invasion of America where each existing Wal-Mart store will be converted into a processing center for dissident concentration camps
spruce
h)robots
Cyrano
p) The alphabet
twig
I)Your refusal to buy gum in smaller quantity than cup holder packs

STAG

itchy
did he get some of your old issues of STAG?
those magazines looked awesomemetamonk
you begin to understand why certain civil rights issues took a while to be resolved
also: sharks, amazons, dead japs

Taunting

itchy
a co-worker of mine had one of those height adjustable desks
he could stand or sit at his computer
it was rad
pricey too
Cyrano
we've got a few of those desks around here.
not for me, thanks.
i probably walk a few miles at work everyday at least, though. helps keep the gut at bay a little.metamonk
any office will let you use them if you claim health reasons
and fake a note
 I'm looking at mine right now
piled high with papers and dust as I sit in the recliner

Historical Accuracy

stresstwig: SIR! NAPOLEON IS CHARGING US FROM BEHIND!stresstwig: I charged your WIFE from behind last night, jenkins!
stresstwig: i hope you wear a general's hat and mutter things like that to yourself while you play

A Flying Squirrel. Flying. It's Genius.

liquidindian
Is it now that I admit I liked Rocky & Bullwinkle?
liquidindian
Because I did.
liquidindian
No sound, except the dropping of jaws.
spruce
and you mock niteowl?

But Still, You Know, Shit

Niteowl you're an engineer right?
frognuts yeah
Niteowl what sorta engineering?
frognuts electrical. automated test development, to be specific
Niteowl YOWSA!
fancy pancy!
so you were all about the maths and whatnot?
frognuts not really. we are the last link on the human centipede that is fabless semiconductors.
I was hot shit at university. Now just lukewarm shit.

Abuse of Quotes

cheesoning
speaking of terrible, check out this Hooters clone trying to set up shop in some Chicago suburb: http://www.showmes.com/franchising.php
Katya dear lord cheesoning
HEY THEY SERVE WINGScheesoning
a less clever name and HOT WINGS
cheesoning how many drunk assholes will say "you gonna show me?"
Big Jim S. is it owned by Shonie's?
"Our simplicity and unique décor, featuring traditional tables and bars, and our personable and professional service, along with our quality food, will all be oriented toward creating "highly satisfied" customers."happy endings!CPA 1.
Are the quotes around "highly satisfied" theirs?
cheesoning
"Show-Me's, when you have an appetite for fun"
CPA 1. good lord
cheesoning they sure do need an editor.
CPA 1.
"Come eat here, you'll get a "huge boner" when you see our cheerful wait-staff!
Katya our wings are almost as good as our "blow jobs"
CPA 1. If you tip really well, maybe the waitresses will let you "have sex" with their "vaginas"

Specific Likes

liquidindian    I hope you're all familar with Bill Bailey.
Niteowl    is it some UK artist/comedian/music group that we could have no way of knowing about until you told us, incredulous as to our lack of taste for you highly geographically specific likes?

Augmented Reality

cheesoning I want cool shit to evolve. I don't know that I have a ton of faith in AR, but I'd be open to it.
twig I think there's a really fantastic narrative art application where you tag things with storys or pictures.
liquidindian I could see its application at parties. Little arrows pointing, and labels: "Avoid this cunt" "This one's alright"

Political Analogies

liquidindian
I hate this whole anti-Obama narrative.
America: "I took viagra like you said, but I've only had excellent sex a few times rather than 24/7, so I've decided to castrate myself."
"It's okay, though, because removing the penis from my body will allow private sector penises to flourish."
"I've also decided to sew up my anus because it's generating a lot of waste."
"There's no real analogy in that last bit, I guess. Sorry."

Harsh Critics

cheesoning Good grief.
liquidindian I like a women who can stand awkwardly, hand on hip.
metamonk the dude who "owns" the boat has his arm around herspruce she moves like a 1999 Honda Asimo robot
cheesoning I'm not even a woman and I'm offended by her.
metamonk and her shoulder is so tense and high it look weird
spruce and her mouthparts look like they were evolved for facilitating the devouring of coconuts or small, whole pigs

Standbys

spruce
niteowl! I'm liking the McDonald book
Big Jim S.
this much football talk, I'm betting Niteowl is in a coma
spruce
quick, someone comment on his blog. It'll revive him instantly!
Cyrano
STARCRAFT MINECRAFT!!!1
Cyrano
TANK TOP SALE AT PENNY'S!
Big Jim S. NATURAL SELECTION 3 ANNOUNCED
Cyrano
Yeah, if that doesn't do it he's dead.
Busithoth I love how at the end of the trailer for NS2 it says OCTOBER 2009!!!!
or the likeBig Jim S.
they're just waiting for the docs to be finished
Cyrano buuuurrrrrnnnn...

Ouroubous of Meat

twig monk, I take it you haven't ever seen the clips from the episode of wifeswap where one family only eats raw food?
in particular, high meat.
which is raw steak kept sealed in a jar until it molds.
this on top of raw chicken and kefir

metamonk talk about a self-perpetuating meme
people like this bring about the collapse of civilization, and we're all stuck eating raw meat.

Chess, However.

metamonk
there is an ancient arab folk tale about something like that
h d.
i wanna pull em all out.
what about?metamonk
a hair on the surface of a pond
someone pulls, and ends up pulling out a donkeyh d.
tell it!
hah. what does it mean?metamonk
arabs had at best a tenuous understanding of how water works.

Ignorant

spruce just like I'll remember that Sideswipe was brothers with Sunstreaker, when I'm being shipped off to the Soylent Green reclamation center

Niteowl they were brothers?
how can a ferrari be the brother of a lamborghi---
i mean wtf are you going on about?

spruce you poor, ignorant bastard

Thought Through

Dignan Niteowl, we've done a much better job of not leaving you in here alone after 5:00EST.
frognuts I was promised donuts.Niteowl yes, i'm so happy, you guys are doing a great job of not abandoning me to my work
Dignan We prefer it if you don't get anything done.
frognuts Then, when you lose your job, you'll think back on these good times, and they will warm your heart, as you freeze to death in front of an abandoned adult novelty shop.
Niteowl something to look forward to
Dignan We'll make sure it happens. Especially the part about the adult novelties.Niteowl i find it hard to believe that "Stick What In Where?! Supplier of Quality Polyurethane Dongs and Crowd Pleasers Since 1927" would let one of their Diamond Membership holders die of hypothermia just outside their shop
but whatever.
frognuts Without your frequent bulk orders, they soon go out of business. We have thought this through.
Niteowl thikn of the little man
and the very large dildos
and the little rubber sheep
and the GINORMOUSLY endowed Real Doll™ trannies

Precious

CPA 1. it makes me want to molest them
CPA 1. Aren't you precious! How about a ride in my van?Niteowl thanks cpa, that was a succinct defintionso Real Dolls of Tony Danza, a prehistoric 9 foot tall sculpture of an uncircumcised penis, and a yellow box kite are all 'precious' , to you?
itchy now we know what's in your yank tank
CPA 1. fuck yeah
CPA 1. i want to get my precious all over themor have i gone too far
Niteowl you wake up too far man
and that's why you sell the porn stache without even trying

Define, "wrong"

spruce Seeing this site today made me want to build a boat: koti.kapsi.fi/hvartial/
itchy can't go wrong with free boat plans!

Only If It's Suddenly, Though

liquidindian Morning!
itchy awfully cheery for a monday
liquidindian I tidies my desk on Friday.
Colleague came in today and thought I'd been sacked.
itchy "Why are you guys high-fiving?"
doing anything out of the ordinary in the office will cause people to speculate
e.g. wearing a tie
itchy = job interview
spruce suddenly having breasts
itchy = job interview

Some Contests Aren't Made For Winning

metamonk Niteowl: how about "concepts in English that shouldn't have their own words"
as a blag topic
Niteowl should NOT?
metamonk shouldN'T.
er, yes
Niteowl gawd, that's rather tricky, ain't it?and that's just a listing of words
metamonk I'll start you offgreat!
"mouthfeel"
"takeaway"
CPA O. "synergy"
Big Jim S. gumjob

Like This

Niteowl just registered ratherdepressing.com, just for shits and giggles
itchy are you shitting and/or giggling?because that would be rather depressing
CPA O. who doesn't giggle when they shit?itchy who doesn't shit when they giggle?
i even pee a little
CPA O. people under 40

Uh, Present Company Excluded, Of Course

spruce I'd be worried that this WootStock would skew towards dork humour, which isn't my cup of tea
Big Jim S. good call hanging with us then

Slightly?

Katya rubberduck! captain carrot! pig iron! Yankee Poodle! Aleecatabra (or whatever her name was) and fastback!
twig all that means is that the furries win
Katya Alley-Kat-Abra
i could live with that
twig you could live with a furry dominant society?
metamonk she just got back from furrytarian fantasy camp
it's like the Davos of slightly sour-smelling whole body costumes

He's Just Jealous

[OldF] Niteowl: can't a man respect another man's right for overly complicated controls to realistically model state of the art US military hardware?
 metamonk: niteowl is playing Sikorsky vs sky crane
metamonk: kiowa vs huey
Chris D: malcolm vs huey?
metamonk: mongolfier vs flapping wingsuit from "Gizmo"

It'sA Roundabout Path To Anger

Cyrano
Jazz always reminds me of Will Riker then I think of beards then I remember I can't grow a beard and get kinda angry.

The Answer is No, To Both

Niteowl: naw, just wanted you to watch some cheesy ass voice recital
Niteowl: too much ralph exposure, i'm afraid
Niteowl: same problem with the Hasidic jews in that area
stressmib:  niteowl: is that recital any good?
stressmib: seems....awful
stressmib: like he doesn't know the words
bigjimslade: I have a very small-point font on this client, it looked like you were asking niteowl if that rectal was any goodbigjimslade: and was afraid of an answer

The One At The Show Is Just A Cessna With a Body Kit.

ralph: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:USAF_F-117_Nighthawk_formation_(1).jpg
ralph: heh
ralph: http://bit.ly/9nQ2od
spruce: those things look more Empire than TIE Fighters
spruce: WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS. Just look at our evil planes!
Cyrano: tie fighter engineer: "I really think about fifteen degrees of vision to the front is enough, don't you?"
cheesoning: oh man, was playing basketball drunk with the band back in pre-married days when one of those things flew overhead
cheesoning: dude, stuff to the side is a blur at best
cheesoning: there was an air show happening 10 miles from our locationcheesoning: not stealthy at all, for the record. Could hear it coming.
Cyrano: according to the literature, that's when you're already dead.

Right Next To A 24 Pack Of Condoms

Cyrano: I found a Esquire magazine with an interview with the cast of The Phantom Menace before it came out. I kept it as a symbol of dashed hopes.

Enthusiams

Katya: off to movie it up
Katya: bbl
Gemmy: enhoy
spruce: oh man
Gemmy: enjoy even
Katya: i will enjoy
Katya: enhoy the shit out of it

Fine Arts Majors Are The Cannon Fodder.

stressmib: so spruce, how did you like faux real's transformation into bad compan 2
spruce: he adapted quickly to that game... too quickly
spruce: but he was serious bizness
stressmib: yeah
stressmib: i find it funny because he was expecting me to adapt to his system
stressmib: so he's like "CONTACT 3 O CLOCK"
spruce: BOGEY ON MY SIX
stressmib: and I'm like "dude on an atv to the leftish"

It's The Wonder Years All Over Again

Niteowl: so, when my dad phones, which is never/rarely, he has this thing where he insists awkward ass pauses in his conversation. much like how he talks face to face 
Niteowl: it might be he's filling his pipe, driving very very slowly across lanes, or whatever.
Niteowl: in anycase, now i just let a relatively REASONABLE amount of time pass (for someone who has spent his life trying to interact with other humans in a civil manner), then just hang upNiteowl: invariably the phone rings again, this time with my mother on line
Niteowl: just trying to make teh oncoming traffic slow downcheesoning: Niteowl - here's what happens in the interim: "I don't know what happened. YOU TALK TO HIM."

Who's "He"?

Cyrano: oh god, he didn't make that up.
Cyrano: this is a real thing: ""Introduction (The Ramblin' Boys of Pleasure Sing the Hobo Clown Chorus).mp3""

Also, Terrible, TERRIBLE Credit Rating

chrisd: ralph: that looked like a l4d screenshot, in zombie-vision colors
ralph: that explains why I've been whispering "I love you" at that pic
ralph: she looks great but you know she chews with her mouth open and talks loudly at the movies
ralph: ...I'm old.

Entendre

bigjimslade has changed the topic to:@Katya stress: thats what i tend to try to do now is just get people to explode in me
Katya: oh god
ralph: heheh
bigjimslade: Out Of Context Double Entendre Topics: A Tradition
Katya: i said that didn't i
ralph: you have to trick them kat?
Katya: yeah and it never works
Katya: just like in plain sightKatya: no one will ever explode in me
Katya: just on me
Katya: god damnit

That's The One That Draws the Ire

ralph: if spruce's wife didn't play this I would unload on it
spruce: go ahead, I don't mind. She only plays casually
spruce: which means she just has the catheter and not a colostomy bag as well

Game Reference Needed

Katya: stress: thats what i tend to try to do now is just get people to explode in me
ralph: mildly nsfw

They Never Mention It At The Franchise Fairs

Cyrano A friend of mine owns a tanning salon in Waco near Baylor.
Lots of interesting stories.
Ted Nugent's wife is a regular.
He's had the Bush twins there before.

spruce I'm sure his clientele is the cream of society's crop

Cyrano They've had a serial trash can shitter.
Want to know what semen smells like when it's been baked by a UV light? Buy a tanning salon.

spruce so noted

Way Back Current Affairs : That Ash Volcano Airline Thing.

spruce: http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/gallery/2010/04/grounded-giant-volcanic-ash-clouds-cancel-flights-across-europe.php?img=4
Niteowl: the caption for that photo
Niteowl: "in the lands of Mordor, the clouds are so thick, Jaansk Haeferold can barely get the on his socialized fixed gear to get organic tulips at the local coop"

Google-Fu Is Not Always An Asset.

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He Pranks His Pa, Most Of Us Just Ignore Them Altogether.

ralph: my dad is stuck in london
ralph: bored
ralph: he's been calling me every hour
ralph: so each time he calls I give him a different grounding-related piece of advice
ralph: Dad, listen, when the planes start flying again, don't eat the food
ralph: because it will have been sitting at Gate Gourmet for a week
Cyrano: crysturbate?
ralph: Dad, listen, glad you called
ralph: Don't go to Wilton tomorrow, the oysters will be antique
ralph: they fly em in, you know
ralph: dad, great--they sent the airport custodians home so the germs are gonna grow out of control at heathrow and on the planes. don't touch any surfacesralph: he'll be on a boat tomorrow.
Cyrano: tramp steamer, bitches.
ralph: it's how he got here originally
ralph: or so he claims
ralph: in reality he arrived first class on a cruise ship
ralph: a present from his grandmother
ralph: weaksauce immigrant

But How Would That Distinguish?

Katya: my favorite one is ghost copsKatya: which is a real show
Katya: about cops who when off duty search for ghosts
cheesoning: they should call it Bored Cops

Wait, what?

Big Jim S.
there's some sort of thing my aunt uses, it's a green Febreze, she swears by it. Damned if I can remember the name though
Big Jim S. but we use Oxy too
Cyrano
Hippie cleaners generally get things about as clean as hippies.
Big Jim S.
it gets blood up, we know that
spruce
"now in patchouli scent!"

A&E Brainstorming

itchy: do any of the hoarders ever have anything of value?
itchy: because they could do a crossover with two guys that try to trick old people out of their antiques
Katya: yeah they do
Katya: occasioonally
Katya: but often they are just fucked up
Katya: also the ghost shows
Katya: i think they should do a show about addicted people who hoard ghosts
Katya: they could hit them all
cheesoning: addicted small people who hoard ghosts
Katya: in their trucks
Katya: or other dangerous job
itchy: antique hoardshow

Hard To Get

[OldF] Niteowl: so i hear you wanna play another game of l4d2 versus
[OldF] Niteowl: well
[OldF] Niteowl: I GOT GOOD NEWS FOR YOU
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: nope
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: all done for the night
[OldF] Niteowl: no need to play hard to get with us
[OldF] Niteowl: stop playing coy, put down the pinafore and join us
[MeFi] CPA-ONE: it took too long to squeeze into this girdle
[OldF] Niteowl: whalebone is cheap no, just cut through it, Sally, and fire up the damn game

You Have To Buy The Video To Find Out

 - Ralph: jesus fuck maggie oconnell is a conservative
 - Ralph: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://woodenspears.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/who-was-on-northern-exposure-janine-turner.jpg&imgrefurl=http://woodenspears.com/who-was-on-northern-exposure-janine-turner/&h=394&w=300&sz=61&tbnid=gN-W9cSDkJJDOM:&tbnh=124&tbnw=94&prev=/images%3Fq%3DMaggie%2BO%2527Connell&usg=__1QEWzNi4A9Yv9XD-RQQVr8y1dFQ=&ei=lszlS7GACoLGlQfVoamODA&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=2&ct=image&ved=0CBsQ9QEwAQ
 - Ralph: theres a buzzlkill
 - [OldF] Niteowl: fuck i know, right?
 - [OldF] Niteowl: i replied to your damn twitter thing
 - [OldF] Niteowl: she was almost indecently hot in the day
 - Ralph: no wai that was actually her?
 - Ralph: NO WAI
 - [OldF] Niteowl: yes. yes it was.
 - [OldF] Niteowl: it was my very very very first thought
 - Ralph: two
 - Ralph: two
 - Ralph: two workouts in one
 - Ralph: (why did they say two three times)
 - Ralph: (and why is a prayer a workout)

It's Not Actually Advertised As Such

Katya: of course they also showed non stop ads for Addicted and Hoarders: Buried alive or whatever their show is called
Katya: (TLC decided ot totally copy A&E's depression block)
itchy: are you addicted to the depression block?
Katya: no i stopped watching a while ago
Katya: after a while you kind of get it
Katya: only so many shows of dead animals found in a garage full of stuffed animals

Ponies!

frohman: $25 for a horse. that is a crazy price point
Katya: yes
itchy: doesn't seem to be hurting sales
spruce: most of the horse is transparent, too, so it probably took half as long to create
Katya: they had to build the alternate dimension where the rest of the horse is though
itchy: it's not even a fucking unicorn
spruce: yeah, I can't believe how much they charged for that stupid thing
spruce: people is dumbralph: that's gonna be the title of my book on goldman
ralph: : it's not even a fucking unicorn
itchy: people is dumb HEY STEAM SALE
Katya: at least when you read about the amazing am ounts of money people put into that game you hear about corporate backstabbing and big space battles
Katya: WoW? My Little Pony!
itchy: speaking of horses, is anyone else getting the singles ad at the top?

Elephant Promises

Katya i loved the ending of Book of Eli because thats when I could throw my hands up and scream "ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?!"
spruce did it turn out that he was black at the end?Niteowl omfg SPOILER ALERT PLSE for a movie i'll nver watch
christ
twig notice how nobody spoiled it.
(he's a leper)
Niteowl FFFFFFFUUUUUU
i'm going to guess here
is he blind?
twig nopespruce I thought he was blind based on the previews
twig oh, wait.
i meant yes.
spruce what with the sunglasses
twig I watched it with my dad, and he was convinced that he wasn't blind. It was as though he could not accept a world in which a movie that terrible is made
spruce and at the end of the Kool Moe Dee video for Wild Wild West, it turned out he was blind after he took off his sunglasses
twig spruce you are like some sort of pop culture elephant that never forgetsspruce I'm just a creature of my time, possessing reams of knowledge and memories, all of them worthless.
you'll still remember the names of all the pokemon when you're 50 stress.

It Does, Katya, It Does.

Katya: crazy
itchy: who what what
JDHarper: wow
Katya: holy shit
Katya: 25 bucks?
Katya: i had no idea it was THAT expensive
frohman: cripes.frohman: 2 million buck
frohman: for one artist sitting down and building a horse
Katya: but it is see throughKatya: ish
Katya: and don't forget the money for catering the 50 meetings discussing the horse 
frohman: meanwhile, my week of slaving over a hot website has netted me 36 cents in ad revenue!
Katya: i bet that gumball tastes pretty sweet, frohman

"Analyst"

Gemmy: My eyes are crossed due to complicated and pompous. Doing last editing of my report, which is going to press today.Gemmy: Example: In qualitative terms, Taiwan’s F-16A/Bs and Mirage 2000-5s are roughly comparable to Chinese Su-30s, Su-27/J-11s, and J-10s in performance and combat capability. The F-CK-1A/Bs are generally considered superior to J-8s, but lack the aerodynamic performance of some of the newer PLA aircraft types, while the F-5E/Fs should be a match for the J-7s.
ralph: oh jesus you know planesralph: I was just about to go on a diatribe about Dassault
Gemmy: nah, just Chinese and Taiwanese ones
Niteowl: quicklime, hotline to a Cleaner, proficiency at killing at close quarters with nothing more than a bit of dental floss and an incontinent tabby.

iPad Handshake

monitron: someone else has an ipad! we need to figure out some sort of ipad handshake to do
monitron: but he is even fatter and more poorly dressed than I am
cheesoning: one person holds up hand - palm forward - other person scrolls on it.
monitron: which is not increasing my opinion of ipad users on the whole
ralph: I know! you can violently clash them together like a high five
monitron: how about a pinch gesture instead
cheesoning: SIDE TO SIDE SO IT'S NT GAY

Exit Something, Anyways

monitron: eesh.. just had a call from my soon-to-be-ex-boss.. slightly awkward
Katya: was she weeping
Niteowl: did she insist you take back the ring?
monitron: no but she was a little bit "why? whyy????"
monitron: Niteowl: she threw it at me 
ralph: wait, monitron, you didn't take her aside and tell her first?
ralph: take her to lunch, tell her you wanted her to know first, but things happened too fastralph: make her feel special
ralph: srsly
cheesoning: rub her feet
ralph: if necessary
Niteowl: your ability to produce sincerity is creepifying ralph
ralph: thank you niteowl.
ralph: I'm eddie haskell ^ 3
stressmib: maybe take her around on the streets of paris on your vespa, one last time
ralph: milan
stressmib: visit all of the places you came to love through the power of being together
stressmib: after a good amount of montage, you'll come to the ice cream shop where you first metstressmib: however, it will have been recently shut down, in symbolic times

Probably Playing The Wrong Game

frohman: well, I did bean 9 straight batters in MLB 2K10 to see if they would ever charge the mound

Prescient, Jameson.

cheesoning: I think I would be a good hockey goalie
cheesoning: I'd use normal shoes and extra padding
cheesoning: and would NOT MOVE
Cyrano: I think I would be a good princess.
Cyrano: Using the same philosphy.
Niteowl: good? try STUNNING
ralph: niteowl, cut your line out when you RD this

Hardened

monitron: I don't feel like age is a liability in this field, as long as you stay up to date and don't "harden in your ways," so to speak
Niteowl: true
Niteowl: and of course, if you do hardcore C++ and or firmware + assembly, greybearding can give you that certain degree of charming hermitage that is so needed in arcane pursuitsGemmy: EVERY AFTERNOON!! :)
ralph: just wait monitron
ralph: your ways get hardenedralph: even if you vow it will never happen
ralph: at some point, a subtle series of transformations occurs
Niteowl: that's your T-zone, ralph, and just buy the Oil of Olay product already.
Niteowl: gawd.
monitron: i'm already feeling it
ralph: and you go from a guy who can sleep on the floor of a departures lounge in a third world airport
Cyrano: stop saying hardened.
ralph: to a guy who yells "WATCH YOUR MANNERS" at neighbors who are loudKatya: hardened

He Misspelled Sail

ralph: born 1985
ralph: sweet kid. Knows NOTHING
Gemmy: stooop itt!!!
ralph: I miss that phase
ralph: now I'm a bitter old man who knows NOTHING
ralph: my first job, I can rember people saying "born in 1968? You're a BABY"
ralph: "I REMEMBER 1968"
ralph: course, those were the early days of rail travel

Which?

KingOfPoptarts: he may also be cross dressing soon
KingOfPoptarts: i do enjoy flying on virgin though
KingOfPoptarts: just wish it wasn't so expensive
KingOfPoptarts: its like flying on a very comfortable classy gay nightclub
cheesoning: I wish they were in Chicago

But Dental Is Covered 17%!

Niteowl: monitron: this job is why they invented monster.com

Niteowl: now I can stop using razors and lemon juice to dull my painful existence

monitron: the second one!

monitron: one and a half gnawed-off limbs later, I am quitting my job

Niteowl: decided to save the commute, and slam my scrotum with brick repeatedly at home!

Niteowl: the full-time suicide counsellor should have been my first clue

It's Like Multiple Choice

[OldF] Niteowl : damn, monk, you hosting? not bad

Gemmy : meta, what did you do to deserve this hosting?

tittergrrl : this server smells like metamonk

metamonk : pine and scotch?

tittergrrl : by which i mean poupouri!

[OldF] Niteowl : cigarrettes and carbs

[OldF] Niteowl : small bars that play only unsigned bands and your mother's afgan

[OldF] Niteowl : the backseat of a permanently parked Crown Victoria and mothballs

[OldF] Niteowl : twelve dollars in quarters and an empty.. long since empty bottle of sunny-d

[OldF] Niteowl : the inside of an abandoned morgue and the entire collection of Penthouse from 1968-1972 inclusive

[OldF] Niteowl : ok, i'm tapped out, what does metamonk smell like?

Relativism

tittergrrl: so i suck at plain sight

tittergrrl: suuuuck

[OldF] Niteowl: play with metamonk

tittergrrl: metamonk: i think we are assuming that it will continue tho

[OldF] Niteowl: revel in the joy that is relativism

Embittered Consumer

ralph: 9th grade urban history classralph: we went to Columbia MD to see the first mall

ralph: built by the Rouse Company

ralph: what the fuck kind of field trip is that?

Ahnold and Melissa

ralph: we loved it because we found battery-powered squirt guns that looked like HK MP5s

ralph: which totally fit my love of weaponry

ralph: everyone wanted to be a dr, lawyer

ralph: I wanted to be a commando

ralph: aah, college

Also Disgusting

cheesoning: That whole mall smelled like roasting nuts.

Niteowl: heated seats?

cheesoning: yes. Roasted man nuts.

cheesoning: burning hair and boiled semen.

cheesoning: or cashews. The memory is tricky.

Fine Print

ralph: just cause 2 demo downloaded

ralph: launched

ralph: dx 10.1 installed

ralph: then it tells me my windows XP install is holdin' me back

ralph: and if I want to graduate I gotta go to summer school or some shit

He Actually Took English In College.

cheesoning: hm, 1970s pics of the center court of Woodfield: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ezeiza/2401805134/in/photostream/
cheesoning: my mom used to take us there during the winter a lot to walk around and get exercise

ralph: I've been staying away from that place since Carousel

chrisd: nice mall, cheese-- looks like Logan's Run set.

ralph: suck it cd

cheesoning: totally does - I guess there was a mall in San Jose by the same builder called Eastgate or something?

ralph: been there

ralph: and it's pronounced "San Jose"

ralph: rhymes with toast

Memes

ralph: also, I rmembered walking past it--bunch of kids from my grade school got in a scrap with a bunch of kids from another grade school
ralph: we're talking 6 years old here
ralph: we had recently learned "the finger" and had decided that it looked even ruder of you gave people the finger with the inside of your finger facing them
ralph: the other kids copied us
ralph: so in the spring of 1962. one could have rounded the corner of XX and XX Ave and seen 15 children giving themselves the finger
cheesoning: heheh
ralph: years later, they caused the financial collapse
cheesoning: that is fucking poetry.
ralph: ty. I'm a poor man's stresstwig