You: Hi! I'm a writer, I need some ideas! Help me!
Stranger: you can write about me!
You: OK! Tell me about you!
You: My literary career is in your hands.
Stranger: umm.. im perfect and lovely and pretty and hot and wise and clever
You: Nice!
Stranger: u could write a book
Stranger: about how perfect i am
You: Have you had many experiences with dinosaurs or robots? These are key touchpoints in the my readership demographic. :/ I need to insure that they are satisfied with my product.
You: or do you have any problems with me inserting dinosaurs, robots, or some sort of melange of the two in the tale of your life.
Stranger: erm
Stranger: i havent really met dinosaurs
Stranger: or robots
You: er "in the my" of course means "in my"... I am not necessarily the best writer, as you can see. But I am trying.
Stranger: but if they worship its okay
You: worship... you?
Stranger: naturally!
You: Or worship something else. AHA! I see! Excellent.
Stranger: no. they've gotta worship ME!!
You: But there is the small problem that neither robots nor dinosaurs have souls. Robots being automatons. And dinosaurs being beasts of the earth. What do they gain by worshipping you?
Stranger: im the queen!
Stranger: they gain nothing. ill gain power!!
You: Yes, but there must be something they get.. otherwise why worship?
Stranger: oh
Stranger: why cant they be slaves?
You: Well they can, obviously. That's what robots are made for, are they not?! Ha ha ha!
Stranger: exatcly. so then they dont have to get anything
You: However, if they are to worship, that tends to mean that they require some sort of quid-pro-quo for their spiritual devotion, does it not? Much like people worship the Jesus figure in order to make their way into Heaven. Or Tom Cruise to fight the evil within their bodies.
You: Hm, what a conundrum.
Stranger: you see. they wanna be my slaves cos im so awesome and perfect
You: I'm sorry! I don't believe this will work.
Stranger: :(
You: I see no tragedy.
You: You are too perfect.
You: Where is the drama. Where is the emotion. Where is the HUMANITY?!
Stranger: i can have sister whos complete bitch :(
You: THERE MUST BE HUMANITY IN MY STORY OF ROBOTS AND DINOSAURS
You: AHA! Genius!! Perfect!
You: A Loki to your Thor!
Stranger: she is trying to steal my crown :(
You: Tell me of your sister, so I may construct!
You: That harlot!
You: Go on.
You: What is her biggest flaw.
Stranger: she can be freakish bitch whos envious of my perfect looks and wisdom
Stranger: envy
You: Her biggest flaw must be in proportion to your greatest boon.
You: Ah, classic! Shakespearean.
You: Does she have a hunchback? She must have a hunchback!
Stranger: nooo!
You: Hm. Not even a little one?
Stranger: she must be almost as pretty as me.
Stranger: so ill hate her too
You: Ah. I see. So close, yet tragically so far.
Stranger: i know :)
You: I admit. I feel for her. Perhaps all her evil is not evil at all.. just a longing for the affection you were given, yet she was denied.
Stranger: she is trying to steal my perfect prince too :(
You: Again, to find the love she so desires yet never enjoyed.
You: We are losing the robot and dinosaur angle though.
Stranger: if she wouldnt be so jealous and mean she might gain the things too
You: Ah.. gain the robots and dinosaurs?!
Stranger: why there cant be vampires??
You: Well obviously the dinosaurs are vampires. I thought you understood that.
Stranger: and there has to be tragic love story
Stranger: right. sorry wasnt sure
You: Oh yes. You stole the prince from your sister. And she burns inside. BURNS for revenge.
Stranger: or the prince will end up being complete bastard that cheats me with my sisters so ill hook up with a vampire
You: A dinosaur vampire!
You: My readership will love it! My readership is a tad... selective.. in their romatic daydreams.
Stranger: :D
You: This is excellent!
Stranger: well thats sorted then
You: Yes!
You: I must tarry off and put words to paper!
You: Thank you so much!!!
Stranger: remember to give me 50 % of the profit
You: I shall!
Stranger: okay. good :)
You: Til next we meet! I remain, Dan Brown.
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